Romance

Best ever romantic words said by a true lover boy 2 his galfriend"i dnt know how beautiful u r...Coz my eyes haven't still moved frm ur boobs.";)

oral

Wen a madhu-makkhi gives a blow job, its called Oral-Bee :p😂

fountain of youth

Question: "Why Is The Male Organ Called The Fountain Of Youth?"

Answer: "Because Whoever, Whenever, Wherever Rubs It, Wrinkles Go Away"

sex and work

Similarity between...work and having sex..!!

It leaves u with sweet body ache at d end of d day..!!😜

shayar

Ek baar ek ladki ko tharak chadti hai to woh apne boyfriend ko msg karti hai:

"gharwale ghar nahin, humein kisi ka darr nahin"

Ladka uske ghar pahunchta hai to woh pehle se hi nangi hoti hai. Woh bhi apne kapde utaarta hai aur jaldbaazi mein gaand mein lund daal ke shuru ho jaata hai.

Ladki usay rok ke kehti hai:

"rukawat ke liye khed hai, par wo galat ched hai"

Caloried

HOW SEX IS GOOD FOR U 

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities.

Now, after original and proprietary research, they are proud to present the results:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent............ 12 Calories
Without her consent........ 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands............ 8 Calories
With one hand.............. 12 Calories
With your teeth.............85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection........... 6 Calories
Without an erection....... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.. 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary................ 52 Calories
69 lying down..............78 Calories
69 standing up........... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow.............. 216 Calories
Her on top................ 524 Calories
Doggy Style............... 726 Calories
Donkey punch.............. 912 Calories

ORGASMIC:
Real..................112 Calories
False................ 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........ 18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately................816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are

20-29 years old........ 36 Calories
30-39 years............ 80 Calories
40-49 years.............1124 Calories
50-59 years........... 1972 Calories
60-69 years........... 2916 Calories
70 and over....Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............ 32
In a hurry........ 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... ...............1218 Calories 
With your spouse knocking at the door................. 5521 Calories 
So All the Best Pal cum fast cum slow, How/What/When/Where/With whom choice is urs!
Happy Humping 

Life


LIFE ko Sudhaarne ke liye Ek WIFE hi kaafi hai.
Par WIFE ko Sudhaarne ke liye poori LIFE bhi kum padti hai.!
-Swami Husbandanand.

Gf vs Bf

GF: I love you baby..
BF: (softly) i love you too..

GF: Aise kyun bola..??
BF: Bas thoda mood off tha..

GF: Doston ke saath to bade khush rehte ho, aur mere saath hi drame..
Bf: (pyar se) Aisa kuch nahi jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai..

GF: Haan abhi dost phone karega to 2 sec me tabiyat theek ho jayegi..
BF: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas..

GF: Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho, badi has has k pictures click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi..??
BF: (aur jyada pyar se) arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho..?

GF: Aaj sab clear hoga!!
BF: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya..??

GF: (khud confused) Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi to me kya bolun..!!
BF: (trying to act smart) Tumhe hua kya hai!! kis baat pe upset ho?? Batao!!

GF: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai!!
BF: Mere saath to tum ho!!

GF: Ab bohot ho gaya, ab aur nahi!!
BF: (fully crashed) Hua kya hai, ye to bata do..

GF: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte?..
BF: Ye baat kahan se aayi?..

GF: i want to break up..
BF: Hmmmm ok?..

GF: (gone crazy) Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to, fir tum jo marzi kar sako..
BF: Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha..

GF: Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi, me khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se..
BF: (apne baal pakad kar) Mujhe meri galti to bata do..

GF: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab me chali jaungi..
BF: Acha, to me wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka..

GF: Tum serious kab hoge..??
BF: Ab kya hospital me admit ho jaun serious hone k liye?..

GF: Go to hell..!!
BF: Dont call me again?..

AFTER 3 HOURS..

GF: Tumhe pata hai na me tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu, sorry i love you my baby..
BF: (Sab bhool kar) Acha, i love you tooo

GF: Itna sad kyun sound kara..??

AND THE MAHABHARAT STARTS AGAIN..!!

Go home

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,

points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
Prostitute to man: "Hi, man, want to have sex? Man to prostitute "Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does." Prostitute:"I can do it in any way. So how does she do it? Man:"She does it for free."

Gay

A gay couple just got off the airport and decided to catch the taxi home. As they got on the taxi, and headed home the taxi stop at a red light. One of the two gay couple couldn't hold his fart in anymore and he let it out. His fart didn't have any noise. Upon the next red light the other gay person also farted and his fart had no noise. The taxi driver has had enough of the foul smell within the car so he then farted upon the next red light. He farted out loud and got the gays attention.
Both the passengers burst out laughing and said " what a virgin!".

Nayan Ne Baand Rakine ....

Nayan ne bandh rakhi ne me Tamne joya chhe.

Nayan ne bandh rakhi ne me Tamne joya chhe.

Aavi Reete Lagan kari ne bichara ketla Roya chhe.!


Ghost Sex

A professor at the University of Texas was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you
who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises! his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba,
tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Heck! From way back there I thought you said "Goats!"

Wah Wah Aadab

1 6okri bapu ne chodvani na padi to bapu A shrap aapyo,

jevi tari marji
tane chode darji,

darji kare istri
tane chode mistri,

mistri 6e bahu mahir tane chode ahir

Ahir ne choduani hobby tane chode dhobi,

dhobi ne hatu ver
tane chode mer,

mer ne N hata ghar-bar
tane chode darbar,

darbar pere paghri
tane chode vaghri,

vaghri kare chori
tane chode kori,

kori kare khota khel
tane chode patel,

patel khay idli-sambhar
tane chode kumbhar,

khumbhare kryo case
tne chode aakho DESH.
chodini  MANE NA PADAS ..  wah bapu wah.......

Relationship

BOY : I want us to be in a relationship.

GIRL : Its okay but under one condition.

BOY : Which one ?

GIRL : No sex, bcoz am preserving it for my future husband.

BOY : Thats okay, I also have my condition.

GIRL : Which one ?

BOY : No using of my money coz am preserving it for my future wife!!!

GIRL : Lo tum tho serious ho gaye.. Arre I ws kidin jaanu

Boy: Can i Kiss u?

Girl: Condom laye ho?

Boy: kiss k liye condom?

Girl : sharif to aise ban rahe ho jese kissing k bad Khade "Lund" pe 2013 ka Calender tangoge!!

Prostitute

A policeman arrested a prostitute in the hospital area & asked for her profession.

Prostitute: I'm a social engineer.

Policeman: What do you do?

Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

100 yrs Sex

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

Married

Beta Sex Kr Raha Tha To Papa Ne Dekh Liya Aur Ladki Ko Bhaga Diya or Bola,
"Beta Shadi Se Pehle Ye Sab Thik Nhi"
Beta-Kr Di Na Chutio Waali Baat Wo MARRIED Thi.

Suhagraat

Hotel me suhagrat manane aye couple ne deside kiya church bell bajega tab tab sex karenge.
6 bar ke bad pati k chhake chutne lage. Cigaret pine k bahane church gaya, chokidar ko kaha, le ye 500 ka note aur bell 2 ghante me bajana
Chokidar- Aaj ye kam nhi kar sakunga
Pati-Kyo?
Chokidar-Ek madam hotel me suhagrat manane aayi hai, vah 1000 deke gai aur kaha hai bell adhe-adhe ghante bajana.

Henry Ford

Henry Ford Once Told God: "My Product Car Is Better Than Your Invention Woman"

God: "You May Be Right But Statistics Show That More Men Ride My Invention Then Yours"

Wife vs Husband

Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

                             WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed..
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

                           HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

                             WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

                     HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

                     WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
 
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor....
......................................................................
"Husband is one who is the head of the family,

but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
.........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
.................................................................

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Prayer

Official notification from God to all women-

Lying under somebody on bed & screaming
"OH MY GOD..! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

will NOT be  considered as PRAYER....

Nangi

Ek Murga Apni Murgi Se Dhanda Karwata Tha Ek Baar Ek Bander Murge Ke Paas Aaya Aur Bola Murgi Ko Bhej Chut Ke 50 Rupaye Dunga Murga Murgi Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola Bandar Aaya Hai 50 Rupaye Dega Murgi Boli Aaj Mera Upwas Hai Use Mana Kardo! Murga Bandar Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola Murgi Mana Kar Rahi Hai Bandar Bola 100 Rupaye Dunga Murga Fir Murgi Ne Paas Gaya Aur Bola Bandar 100 Rupaye Dega Murgi Boli Kah a Na Aaj Mera Upwas Hai Use Mana Kar Do! Murga Bandar Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola Murgi Mana Kar Rahi Hai Bandar Bola 500 Rupaye Dunga Murga Fir Murgi Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola Bandar 500 Rupaye Dega Murgi Boli Use Ander Bhej De! Murga Bander Aur Murgi Ko Kamre Main Band Kar Bahar Khada Ho Jata Hai Bander Ek Manforce Ki Goli Kha Ke Murgi Ke Pankh Nochne Lag Jata Hai Murgi Bolti Hai Bachao Bachao Murga Jaldi Ander Aata Hai Aur Bander Se Kheta Hai Murgi Ke Pankh Kyon Noch Raha Hai Bander Kheta Hai Maine 500 Rupaye Diyen Hain Puri Nangi Kar Ke Lunga����

Microsoft

Really Hilarious-Circular from MICROSOFT HR Director,USA. Hindi knowing people will really enjoy this Hilarious circular from HR Director ,Microsoft,USA !! Can't stop laughing :) Sorry for the language but this is so funny..... Microsoft's Memo to its Indian Staff This is a REAL MEMO from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond, WA to its staff of the Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration. MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA, UK and many other countries with White People, it has become important for Human Resources Department to issue directives to their Indian staff. TO ALL HINDI-SPEAKING STAFF It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues. Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules: 1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake, or MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment. 2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA. Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKAA or MADARCHOD. 3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use GAND FATI, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. 4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU. 5. When things get tough, an acceptable_expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.. 6. No salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT. 7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say: YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI. We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Sincerely, Steve Rider Human Resources, Director Microsoft Corporation

Chaman bhai

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai.. Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai.. Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain. Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai. kuch is tarah se. Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai? Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai. Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein? Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi. Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua? Mujrim : Abhi kya na. Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya. Chaman : Phir ? Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha. aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi. Chaman : Aage bol Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi Chaman : Phir kya hua ? Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye.. Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ? Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.. to apun builidng ke neeche gaya Chaman : Phir ? Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya. apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.. kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko? Chaman : Phir ? Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya Chaman : (Excited) Phir ? Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Aagey bol Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya Chaman : Accha. Phir? Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Phir kya hua ? Mujrim : Phir kya tha. Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ? Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya Chaman : To phir kya hua ? Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke.lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ? Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega... zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.. Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Toh phir ? Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.. sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha. Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.. Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up) Mujrim : Phir kya tha.. apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya.. lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Aagey bol ? Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di Chaman : Phir ? Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : Aagey aagey ? Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di Chaman : sahi mein? Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li Chaman : Accha ? Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya Chaman : oh !! Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhai k! a area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman : (Getting frustrated).. Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi Chaman : (Half Boiling) Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi... phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey. aagey bol saley.. Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii...lekin bhai kasam se..main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai... Lafda nahi karne ka" Chaman: Abey teri to.. Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney... tu aage bol ! Mujrim : Yehich.. yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai...aur game baja dala.!!!

Galib

Miya Galib garibi se tang akar Daku Bn gye. Daketi krne ek bank gye or kaha.. Arz h.. Takdir me jo h whi Milega, HandsUp, madarchodo koi apni jagah se nhi Hilega. Fir Cashier se kaha.. kuch khwab meri aankho se nikaal do, Jo kuch b he bhosdi k jaldi se is bag me dal do. Boht koshish krta hu teri yad bhulane ki, tmhari ma ka bhosda koi koshish na karna police ko bulane ki. Bhula de mujhko kya jata h tera, Me ma chod dunga,jo kisi ne picha kia mera. =)) :D

Pehli Gaali

Question: "Duniya Mein Sab Se Pahli Gaali Kisne Di Thi?" Answer: "Dronacharya Ne Arjun Ko - Arjun, Baan Chhod"

Aap Chutia Ho 3

Aap chutiye hai is back =)). 1.Agar aap Black Goggles, pistol aur fuddu se Coat mein apna DP set karte hai to aap cool nahi @aapchutiyehain. 2.Mall ke andar shades pehen kar ghoomne wale, jo apne aap aapko dude samajhte hain...krupa dhyan de... Aap dude nahi @AapChutiyeHain. 3.Dear daru pi ke har jagah ulti karne wale "experienced" drinker, everybody at the party knows @AapChutiyeHain. 4.Agar aap apni crush se uske paanch baar please bolne pe rakhi bandhwane ko tayyar ho jaate hain, toh kasam Rakhi Sawant ki, #AapChutiyeHain. 5.Apne b'day pe party nhi dene wale dost, agar aaj mere b'day pe party mangte h to ,aapke b'day cake pe bhi yahi likha hoga. @aapchutiyehain. 6. Agar apko lagta hai ki Office Mail mein 'as soon as possible' likhne se kaam jaldi ho jaayega, toh MS Outlook ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain. 7.Agar aap GYM ke liye 40k 'upfront' dete hain or 1st floor ke liye bhi lift ka upyog kartey hain toh #AdnaanSaami bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain. 8.Agar aap bhari hui Mumbai local mein ipad nikaal ke temple run khelne khade ho jaate hein toh Steve jobs bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain. 9.Agar ap apni splendour ka silencer nikalwa ke sochte hai ab wo sports bike type lagegi toh mechanic bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.

Six Inch

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.�� "What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.�� "It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''�� ''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender.�� ''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to make love -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed out the window right onto my head!"���� ''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."�� ''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed garbage out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!''�� ''Damn, that really is a drag!''�� ''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!''���� ''That would sure mess up my day."���� ''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!''���� ������

Lowda Mera

1 Pinjrey me 50 Bandaria or 1 Bandar chhodaa Gaya , Or Elaan hua k jo 1 mint me Bandar ko pehchan kar Pakad le ga usey $10,000 milenge 1st : Obama gaya Par fail ho gaya, 2nd : george bush gaya lekin nakaam raha , 3rd : sharad pawar gaya Or 10 second me Bandar le aaya , Sab ne hairan ho kar poocha aap ne kaise pata kiya ,? Pawar: Main pinjrey Mein gaya or maine Sab se kaha k main imaandar Hoon to sirf ek ne kaha. "LAUDA MERA" :)

Lund Khada

Ladki ne gandhi ji.nehru ji aur shastri ji se shart rakhi ke jiska mujhe nangi dekh ke lund khada nai hua, choot usse hi dungi. Nehru-dekhte hi khada. Shastri-turant dhoti uper. Gandhi-kahda nai hua. Shastri aur nehru ne ladai kardi ke gandhi ne koi cheating ki hai.competion dubara hoga. Again nehru ka dekhte hi fir khada. Shastri ka bhi turant khada.gandhi ki baari.is baar uska bhi khada. Shastri aur nehru ne kaha dekha.ab bata kya cheating ki thi. Gandhi-bhosdi walo koi cheating nai ki balki sacchai ne marwa dia mujhe.pehle main apna chashma pehnna bhool gaya tha

Piche Se

Afghanistan Ki Adalat Me Divorce Case Aaya.Wife-Mera Pathan Sirf Piche Se Karta H..Judge Ne Hairan Hokar Pucha: Is Ke Alawa Bhi Koi Aur Jagah Hoti Hai Kya?

Cow *****

Santa apni Gaye(cow) ko pregnant karaane truck me apne Dost k Saand k pass le geya. Kaam hone par Santa:Muze kaise pata chalega ki gaye pregnant hui hai. Dost:Kal subah agar gaye leti mili to samjho pregnant hai. Dusre din gaye khadi mili to Santa wapis usey truck me baithakar kaam karwa aaya. 5 din yeh silsala chala. 6 ve din Santa ki BV ne usey nind me se uthaya. Santa:Kya hua gaye(cow) pregnant hui ? BV: Woh toh truck me chadkar Horn baja rahi hai.��

Mediclaim

A couple went to a Sex therapist and asked, "Will u watch us have sex? The doc looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, Docter said, "There's notink wrong wit ur intercourse", and charged 500. This happened for weeks. Finally the Docter asked, "wats exactly ur problem? Man said: she's unmarried, I'm married, so we cant use our homes, Taj is 11,500 Meridian is 10,000 here we pay 500, and get 450 from Mediclaim...!!!

30 log

1 Sardar ne full nite sex ke liye callgirl ko 20,000 dekar kaha, 'meri 1 shart hai ki har trip ke baad 5 min ke LIYE BATHROOM JAAUNGA. Raat ke 3 baje 16 trip ke baad CallGirL adhmari halat mei sardar ke piche Bathroom mei gayi aur behoosh ho gayi. kyu?? BATHROOM mei - 30 Sardar NANGE khade the.

Panty

Ladka Pados Ki Bhabhi Ke Sath Sex Karne Laga, Jaise Hi Usne Salvar Utari To Usne Us Se Puchha Ladka: "Arey Tum Panti Kyu Nahi Pahanti Ho?" Bhabhi Use Aankh Maarte Hue Boli: "Arey Yaar, Mene Apne Pati Se Waada Kiya Hai Ki Aapke Alava Kisi Aur Ke Samne Panti Nahi Utarungi"

Aapp Chutia Hai 2

Aap chutiye hein again:part3 Agar aap soch rahe ho petrol ka price or nahi bhadega��,to UPA sarkar ki nazar bhe aap Chutiye hai.�� Agar apko lagta hai facebook pe "Save the tiger" page ko like karne se tiger ��save ho jayenge, to facebook ki kassam aap Chutiye hai.�� Agar aap seriously sochte hai, ki is agle sutte k baad aap cigarette ��ko chhuenge bhi nai, to Wills ki kasam ki aap Chutiye hai.�� Agar aap 1 msg 10 logo ko forward karke bhagwan se 10 wishes puri hone ke hopes�� rakhte hai, to Vodafone bhi kahega ki aap Chutiye hai.�� Agar apko lagta hai ki bar bar lift ka button ����dabaane se lift jaldi aa jayegi, to Otis ki kasam pakka aap Chutiye hai. Agar apko lagta hai ki Rupa Frontline ��pehen ne se aap line mein sabse aage jaenge, to Rajpal Yadav bhi bolega aap Chutiye hai.�� These are all tweets from twitter. And if you go and check twitter to verify�� it then, aap duniya k sabse bade kya hai? agar fb par post karke aap usey khud he like karte hein ye sochkar ki log usey dekhenge or like karenge to dekhne wals kahega aap chutiye hein agar itna padne ke baad bhe aap post ko like na karen to smsaddict mods bhe kahenge aap chutiye hein

Gaand

1 BACHCHE ki GAND me KANCHE ki GOLi FAS gayi. DR.SANTA dekh kr boLa: maine aaj tk kafi GANDE dkhi h, par ye pehLi GAAND hai jo mujhe dekh rahi hai.. =D

Soch

Boyfriend And Girlfriend Room Mein Khamosh Bethe The. Girlfriend Ki Soch Kyun Ye Mujhse Baat Nahi Kar Raha? Kya Ye Doosri Ladki Ke Bare Mein Soch Raha Hai? Kya Ye Kisi Aur Ko Chahta Hai? Kya Isne Mere Chehre Pe Wrinkles Dekhe Hai? Kya Main Moti Ho Gayi Hun. Boyfriend Ki Soch: "Yaar Shit Main Sala Condom Laana Bhool Gaya, Ab Pata Nahi Ye Karne Bhi Degi Ya Drama Karegi?"

Builder

On First Night Young Builder to his wife : U have cheated me.Your Boobs are too small. I definitely remember when I saw you first time they were very BIG WIFE to builder hubby : Honey what U saw included SUPERBUILD UP area. And what U got is actual CARPET AREA.��

Hakim

Santa Ko Bavaseer Ho Gayi, Hakim Ne Kaha Marham Lagwane Roj Aana Padega. Hakim Ne Usko Chaar Din Marham Lagaya Aur Kaha, Hakim: "Ab Kafi Theek Ho Gayi Hai, Baqi Biwi Se Lagwa Lena" Jab Agle Din Preeto Marham Lagane Lagi To Usne Ek Haath Santa Ke Kandhe Par Rakha, Aur Dusre Se Marham Lagane Lagi To Santa Ne Pucha. Santa: "Tera Ek Haath Kandhay Par Hai Dusra Kaha Hai?" Preeto Boli: "Us Se Marham Laga Rahi Hoon" Santa Chonk Kar Bola: "Oh, Hakim Ki Bahan Ki Choot, Uske To Dono Haath Mere Kandhe Par Hote The

Lawda

Maths Teacher - Dinesh tere pas 6 Lollipop hai..2 Neha ne chus liy,3 Pooja ne,1 Priya ne..To tere pas kya bacha.. Dinesh: "Lawda bacha! Wo AAP chooslo....

XXX MOVIES

Top 10 Indian XXX movies 1.seema ��ki salwar me talwar 2.abla nari ��ka babla ( . ) ( . ) bhari. 3.pati�� fauj me,biwi mauj ��me 4.amar�� prem, bistar par game.. 5.Ghar�� me saali�� to raat bhar diwali.✨���� 6.Phaad ke chaddi nikla shunty!�� 7.Randi ��ho gayi thandi.⛄ 8.Zalim lauda lage hathoda.�� 9.Peticot�� me vispot�� 10.Paan khaye muniya �� maa chudaye duniya..!

Subh Ho Gai

Lucknow ki Tawaiaf :- "Bus karein Navab sahab, subha hogai hai.. . Nawab :- Tumhe kaise pata chala? Tawaiaf :- Hamari aankhaon ka kajal beh gaya ha i ! Delhi ki Tawaiaf :- Bas karein jee, subha ho chali hai.. Saudagar :- Aap ko kaise pata laga ? Tawaiaf :- Hamara Gajraa murjha gaya hai.. ! Gujarati Tawaiaf :- Bas kar Nattu, sawar thavani chhe.. Nattu :- Tane kevi rite khabar padi ? Tawaif : - bhosdina, Mane sandas lagi chhe..!!=)) :D =D

Angel

Young Student - Madam, when I grow up, how will my wife have a baby? Teacher (after thinking for sometime) - An angel will come from heaven & hand over a baby to your wife. Student - Toh fir thokna kisey hai... wife ko ya angel ko??? ;)

Akbar Vs Raand

Ek bar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek Randi Naachi \=D/ Itni zor se nachi ke sabke tatte short ho gaye. Akbar Khush Howa Usne randi ko kaha: "Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri Jaan? Sona-Chandi, Heere-Moti, Jaagir? Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de, uski behen choddi jayegi." Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki chinaal thi. Uske gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha. RANDI: "Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arzkaroon" (Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha) AKBAR: "Jo marzimaang, Jamna darling" RANDI: "JAHAPANNA, MUJHE AAPKI RAAJGADI PAR TATTI KARNI HAI" Akbar Socha ki kya yeh randi BAWLI GAAND to nahin ho gayi? (Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha, promise jo kar diya tha laudu ne) Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi! Woh nahin maani  Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date di. Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bhen ki laudi. Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi, usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath meinhai. Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya. Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka. Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Sube-sube randi ne darbaar mein gaand  faad entrance maara. Kehne lagi, :O "Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon, jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiy." Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal bhosdika hass raha tha =D Apni seat pe vatt se khada hokar kaha, "JAMNU, TUMNE TATTI KARNI KI DEMAND KI THI SO KARO!!. LEKIN AGAR EK BHI BHOOND MOOT KI TAPKI, YEH TALWAAR CHUT MAIN DAALKE GAAND SE NIKAL DUNGA" FATI GAAND, BHAAGI RAAND =))

Abdul ..... Teri Maa Ka

Ek ladki ne jor se kaha Abdul teri maa ka bhosda, madarchod. Paas khade sadhu ne kaha beti aisa nahi bolte hai, kya baat hui.? Ladki boli-usne mere boobs dabaye. Baba ne boobs dabakar kaha - aise dabaye..? Ladki - haa baba, phir usne mere kapde khole. Baba ne uske kapde kholkar bole -aise.? Ladki - haa baba Baba - is par gali dena shobha nahi deta. Ladki - phir usne mujhe litakar chod diya. Baba ne chodkar bole aise choda.? Ladki - haa baba Baba - isme bhi gali dena shobha nahi deta. Ladki - baba usne chodne ke bad bataya ki use aids hai. Baba :- abdul madarchod..... Teri maa ka bhosda...

Lund

Ek Pakistani Delhi aaya aur taxi wale se mazak mein bola:Yaar 1947 ke partition mein mere abba India me apna LUND bhul gaye the, Tumko pata hai wo kahaan milega ? TAXI WALA:Janab samne lal kile me ek bora rakha h,usme wo sab LUND rakhe h jo partition me India me reh gaye the.Aap woh pura bora le jao,jo LUND aapki "MAA ki CHOOT" me fit aaye wo rakh lena baki jumme ki namaz me bant dena taki bakiyon ko apni Ma Chudane k liye INDIA aane ki zarurat na pade!

Jivanlal

Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pine ke baad gali bakta tha mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne baal ? Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal ki phas jayega jivanlal. 3dino tak sunne ke baad.. Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega jivanlal ! Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vesmol ne kiya kamal. Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye jivanlal��

Masturbation

Benefits of Masturbation 1. Choice of girl is yours 2. Time ki bachat 3. Self service 4. Not a crime 5. Rest to girlfriend 6. No risk of AIDS 7. No special place required 8. No money wastage 9. Easy to perform 10. Guaranteed satisfaction 11. No abortion 12. Condom not required 13. Not necessary to remove whole underwear 14. Stress easily removed 15. Doesn't matter how long your penis is 16. Swapndosh se mukti 17. Koi darr nahi, pakde jane pe saaman ko easily chhupa sakte hain 18. One can do as many time as he wants 19. No need of special training, its so simple 20. Position is of your choice. "Badnami ki choot se izzat ki muth achchi hai" �� | |\ | \ 8=��===D�� | \ �� | \_ ���� �� ��

Nai Hoga

Call Girl to 65 years old man: "Uncle, aap ek aadh baar try karo na." Uncle: "Main kar nahi paaunga." Call Girl: "Arre aao uncle, try to karo." Uncle ne khada kiya aur Call Girl ki baja di. Call Girl: "Haay mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the ki kar nahi paaunga." Uncle: "Wo to main payment ke baare me bol raha tha."

Boat Sex

Ek din Santa ek bar me beer ka mug le kar baitha hua muskura raha tha. Banta ne usko dekha aur uske paas gaya. �� Banta: Bada muskura raha hai tu gandu... Baat kya hai??�� Santa: Kal machhli pakadne gaya tha main. Nadi kinaare ek ladki mili. Usko Nadi paar karni thi. Maine usko apni boat me bithaya aur beech nadi me boat rok di aur usko kaha, "YA TO MUJHSE CHUDWA LE, YA PAANI ME KOOD JA." Aur us bechari ko tairna nahi aata tha. Tu to jaanta hai boat me chodne ke maje hi alag hai.☺�� Banta: Gazab kismat hai teri madarchod.�� Agle din Santa usi bar me usi table par beer ka mug le kar baitha hua jor jor se ro raha tha. Banta fir uske paas gaya.�� Banta: Ye lund ke tope jaisa muh bana k kyu ro raha hai???�� Santa: Kal fir se machhli pakadne gaya tha main. Nadi kinaare ek ladki mili. Usko bhi Nadi paar karni thi. Maine usko apni boat me bithaya aur beech nadi me boat rok di aur usko kaha, "YA TO MUJHSE CHUDWA LE, YA PAANI ME KOOD JA." Usne apni pant utaari. Andar se 9 inch ka LUND nikla aur bhai..... TAIRNA MUJHE BHI NAHI AATA THA"������ ������

Aap Chutia Ho

AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------ ULTIMATE COLLECTION !! Agar aap gym mein Itna workout karte hain ki aapki chest aapki girlfriend se badi dikhti hai toh ronnie coleman ki kasam AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- ladki k chakkar me suicide karne walo...saare brahmand ki nazron me aap aashiq nahi AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- Kisi Marketing SMS ko apne 9 dosto ko forward krke ye sochna ki apko 51.42 ka talktime milega, kasam Bharti mittal ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- agar aap apni Saheli (girlfriend) ki recharge p recharge karaye ja rhe hai par fir bhe wo aapko MISS CALL hi karti hai aur aap uske yeh baat maan lete hai ki wo JALANDHAR WALE BUA se baat kar rhi the isleye balance khatm hogyaa ,,, to kasam Vodafone ke zoozoo ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- agar aap software install karte vakht Next-next click kar k bin dekhe add-ons install karte hain, toh ask tool bar ke searchbox me aapke liye likha hoga ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- Mumbai me rehkar "OMG I saw tusshar kapoor today- best day of my life!!" type status lagane wale, kasam uspe aye 5 likes ki kasam, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- Ganesh sthaapna ke mauke pe "halkat jawaani" gaana bajaake naachne walo, Aap Chutiye Hain ------------------------------- Non-veg and shraab tuesdays & thursdays ko naa kha-Peeke agar aap sochte hai ke bhagvan apse khush ho jayenge to kasam KFC ke full Fried chicken bucket ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- agar apne dosto ko chhor ke aap 24 ghante ladkiyo mein ghuse rehte hein toh aap Cocktail ke hero nahi, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------------------------- AND THE ULTIMATE ONE !!! Agar aap Sab Se Costly i-phone lete ho aur $1cost ki wajah se Whatsapp install nahi karte ho to China mobile use karne wale bhi kahenge ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN����

Teri Maa Ka

1 bar ind-pak me jhgda ho gaya to bich me ek diwal bana di, Thode din baad ind k army vale bor ho gae to 1 ne kaha chalo aj pak valo ki gand marte he, to usne diwal pr chad k awaz lagai: "aslam kon he?" Pak: "main" Ind: "Teri ma ka bhosda" Agle din phir se usne aawaz lagai "aslam kon he?" Pak: "main" Ind:teri bhen ka bhosda.. aisa 4,5 din tk chala to pak vale bole izzat ki ma chud gai he ku6 krna pdega. agle din pak: "suresh kon he?" Ind me se koi nai bola pak vale bole izzat ka sawal he to unne 4,5 din tk aisa kiya pr ind me se koi nai bola to pak vale beth gae, nxt day ind: "suresh ko kon bula raha tha?" Pak: "main" Ind: "Teri ma ka bhosda";)

Train Late

1 Baccha apni toy train se khel raha tha or bar bar bol raha tha"jis BEHAN KE LODE ko chadna hai chad jao,jis BHOSDIKE ko utarna hai utar jao. Baap ne uski train rok k thappad laga diya.... Baccha thodi der ro k chup ho gaya or phir shuru ho gaya"jis BEHAN KE LODE ko chadna hai chad jao,jis BHOSDIKE ko utarna hai utar jao. Pehle hi kisi MADARCHOD ki wajha se Train 5 minute LATE ho gayi hai!:-

Bufallo Chor

Chor ne dudhwale ko nanga karke ped se bandh diya aur sari bhais le gaya.Subah logo ne use khola to usne bhais ke bachhde ko khub mara.Logo ne kaha is bejuban ko kyo marte ho?Dudhwala-ye madarchod 4 mahine ka ho gya par gandu ko 'Than' aur 'Lund' me fark nahi malum.Maa chod di raat bhar chus chus k....=))

Date

If a girl cancels a date, it means she has to!

But if a boy cancels a date, it means he has two! ;)

Stress Reliever

Too good to relieve some stress

1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently
"Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your own sister"

2. Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand,
His parents sent him to Ramdev Baba for treatment…..
. . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of his legs..

3. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once”

4. What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

5. Dada (Grand Father) : Beta ja paani le aa.
Pota (Grand Son) : Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun
2nd Pota (Second grand son) : Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.

6. Jinn : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ?
Aaka : Mere account me jaldi se 100 crore rs aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do.
Jinn : Aaaka, huqum karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!

7. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhy.
Achanak yamdoot aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai.
Aadmi: lo kar lo baaat, ab insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.

8. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No electricity No Oil, Man puts fish back in to river.
Fish comes up and shout "Mulayam zindabaad

9. Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english word bhool gaya
Waiter: What would you like to have sir ?
Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother

10. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur.
Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le aur DURGA MATA ban ja.

11. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. ...
Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota......
“AAj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na hota”

Chinese Item

Jackie Chan's wife dies 1yr after marriage..
Santa tries 2console Jackie but doesn't know wht 2say

Santa: Hota hai yaar.. Chinese thi, aur kitna chalti..

Loose Pussy

Wife Bought A Lovely New Signature Addition Rolex Watch For Her Husband’s 27th Birthday
“Do U Like It ?” She Asked.
He Said: “It’s Great!, It’ll Remind Me Of Ur Pussy”
She Laughed: “Is That Because Its Exclusive & Sexy?”.
He Replied: “Nah, Its A Bit Loose Around My Wrist!“

Nipple

Santa Biwi Ke Saath Sex Karne Ka Mood Bana Raha Tha To Light Chali Gayi
Santa: “Uff, Aaj Ye Condom Itna Tight Aur Chota Kaisi Ho Gaya Hai?”

Biwi Gusse Se: “Arrey Ye Condom Nahi Hai, Bache Ki Doodh Ki Bottle Ka Nipple Hai“

Yoga

Do Saheliya Aapas Mein Baat Kar Rahi Thhi
Pehli Saheli: “Maine Ek Yoga Trainer Rakha Hai”
Doosri: “Kitna Leta Hai?”
Pehli: “Pagli, Arey Ye Pooch Kitni Bar Leta Hai“

KG k children

"Kahte Hai Ki K.G. Ke Bache Itne Samjhdar Nahi Hote, Par Is School Ke Bache To Hadd Se Jyada Hoshiyar Nikle, Par Aisa Kya Kar Dala Unhone Jo Madam Hi Behosh Gayi"
KG Ki Class Mein Teacher Ne Bachho Ko, Ginti Ke Zariye Susu Karna Sikhaya
1. Zip Kholo
2. Nunni Nikalo
3. Skin Piche Khincho
4. Susu Karo
5. Skin Age Khincho
6. Nunni Andar Lo
7. Zip Band Karo
Wo Roz Check Karti Aur Khush Hoti,
Jab Sab Bachhe Zor Se Chillate,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7
Magar Ek Din Usne Suna,
3,5 3,5 3,5
Aur Wo Behosh Ho Gayi.

All is well

3 IDIOTS- POGO EDITION
Teacher: “What Is A Condom?”
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata
Hain.
Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu
RaheHo?”
Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai,
Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main
Sex Education College Mein
Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu,
Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai”
Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki
ZaruratNahi Hai, Condom Ki
Definition Bolo?”
Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything
Which Reduces Population”
Teacher: “Will U Plz Elaborate?”
Aamir: “Har Wo Cheez Jo
Population Control Kare!”
“Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,
Condom Hai Na”
“Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar
Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir”
“Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se
Ghire Hue Hai” “8th Class Ke
Ladke Se Lekar
Mujh Tak Sab Condom Ka Use
Kar Rahe Hai”
“1 Second Mein In, 1 Second
Mein Out,
In-Out, In-Out”
Teacher: “Arre… Defination Kya
Hai?”
Aamir: “Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu
Sir”
Teacher: “Exam Mein Ye Sab
Likhoge?”
“Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se
Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot”
“Anybody Else??”
Chattur: “Sir! , Condom Are
Between Any Combination Of
Body So Connected, That Their
Relative Positions May Be Seen
In Kamasutra..”
Teacher: “Wah! Kya Baat
Hai.....:p;)
(Teacher kicked amir khan out of
theclass)
Amir khan returns back to
class...
Teacher:ab kya hua
Amir khan: sir kuch bhool gya
hu Teacher: kya
Amir khan: sir,6 inch
long,coated with extra
protection,come s in out in
out,throw liquid wen
directed,cud b covered with
cap,spreads wen rubbed....
Teacher : wat d fuck u want
Amir khan: pen sir....pen..

Performance

A priest dies and is waiting in line at heavens gate. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
God to the guy : who r u
Guy: i'm rickshaw driver from Surat
God; take this gold robe and enter kingdom of heaven.
God to the priest: who r u?
Priest: i'm priest and spent 40yrs preaching good to ppl.
God: take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest: god, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold and I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.
God: results, my son, results. While u preached, ppl slept, when he drove, ppl really prayed...
Its peformance, not position that counts..... 

Airlines

A man finds a beautiful girl at an airport cafe sittin nxt to him..
He thinks to himself
'' she must b a flight attendant, but which airline does she wrk for??''
hopin to get her attention he leans towards her n say's emirates slogan
'' keep discovering..''
she nvr notices him...
Again he leans n say's kingfisher's slogan:
'' fly the good times...'
n again no response..
Again he leans over to say another airlines slogan...
She turns n say's
'' kya takleef hai tere ko madarchod??
Man smiles, leans back n sd
'' ahhh.... Air india !!!

Bakri

Boy to Doc- Meri ek mahine me shadi hone vali he aur mera lund 2 inch ka hi hai. lamba karne ka upay batao?
Doc: Lund ko Dudh me dubo kar, bakri ko din me do bar chusao, 15 din baad batana.
Doc after 2 months: kesi hai Marriage life?
Boy: Marriage kari hi nahi, wo bakri hi kharid li.....

Statue

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubby comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder. 'Don't move! You're a statue!' The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she. The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing! "

Bus me sex

Ek bar ek bujurg bus me safar kar rahe the bus me bhari bheed thi bujurg ke paas ek ladki khadi thi bujurg ne use apni god me bitha liya.

Kuch der baad bujurg ko pata chala ki us ladki ne chaddi nahi pahni hai bujurg ne apni dhoti sarka kar apna lund ladki ki chut me daal diya lekin bhari bus me andar bahaar kaise kare phir bujurg ne apni theli se buiscuit ka packet nikala aur 1 buiskuit agli 2 line chodkar baithe chote buchche ko dene ke liye thoda uthe aur bole "le beta buiscuit kha" aur bujurg ne is tarah andar bahaar karna chalu kar diya

7 buiscuit dene ke baad bujurg ka pani nikal gaya aur last time thoda uthate hue bole " le beta pura packet hi lele"

Saalgirah

Husband: Mai tumhe shaadi ki 5th Saalgirah par ANDMAN NICOBAR lekar jaaunga.

Wife: Sach! Aur 25th par?
Husband: Lene aaunga...!!

Tax

To: All Male Indian Citizens
From: Income Tax Department Service Center
RE: Notice of increase in tax payments

The only thing that the Income Tax Department has not taxed yet is your Penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependents and they are both nuts. Effective January 1, 2010 your penis will be taxed according to size.

The categories are as follows:
10 - 12 inches Luxury Tax - 30000
8 - 10 Pole Tax 25000
5 - 8 Privilege Tax 15000
4 - 5 Nuisance Tax 1000

Males exceeding 12" must file a capital gains return.

NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
AND PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Sincerely
Chief Penis checker
Income Tax Department

Chodvanu

Ek bhai electronic store ma gaya . Chandu saleman hatu tya .
Bhai : pelu sony tv ketlanu che
Chandu : 500 Rs ma
Bhai : bhenchod masti nai sachu rate k
Chandu : ha 500 Rs final rate
Bhai : ok api deyo and.te fridge ketlanu che
Chandu : 1500 Rs nu
Bhai : loda.aa kayu sale che 20000 nu fridge 1500 ma . Api deyo
Bhai e payment karyu ne 2 vastu lidi
Bhai : jordar offers che ho
Chandu : na bhai aa dukan nu malik mara wife bego gare che bed ma.

E je mari wife ne kare che hu ej ena business ne karu chu :)

Latitude & Longitude

A Sardar from Amritsar was visiting the UK for the first time, and had
boarded a train from Paddington and was on his way to Cardiff to visit
his sister and her family. In the train, sitting across from him, this
rather stoic and proper looking Englishman in a pin-striped suit was
engrossed in reading the morning's paper.

As the train rolled on, the Sardar was soon bored. Wanting to strike
up a conversation he leaned over and asked the Englishman, 'Excuse me
Sir, what is your name?'

Not very happy at this development, the Englishman nevertheless
obliged and said, 'John Smith. And what is your name Sir?'

The Sardar replied, 'Banta Singh.

And where are you from Mr. Smith?'

'From Lancashire .

And you Mr. Singh?'

Making every effort to keep up with Mr. Smith, the Sardar replied,
'From Amritshire!'

This confused the hell out of Mr. Smith.. He knew of Bedfordshire,
Berkshire, Lincolnshire , Worcestershire. ...but Amritshire?? ?

Eyebrows raised, he asked the Sardar, 'And on what longitude and
latitude would Amritshire be Sir?'

Now it was Banta's turn to look all confused. But not willing to show
his ignorance, and not knowing the meaning of these words, he replied
in his new found accent ' Sir, You see, in Amritshire we only have
BHENKITUDE and MAKITUDE

Boobs vs BOOBS

Big Boobs vs. Small Boobs
유 Women with Big Boobs... ▷
✔can get a taxi on the worst days
✔have men give them the best seat on a bus.
✔have a neat place to carry spare change
✔have always been the center of the attraction.
✔make jogging a spectacular sport
✔can keep a magazine dry while lying in the tub
✔have more negotiating power (esp. with men shorter than them)
✔usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
✔always float better know

where to look first for lost earrings
✔rarely lack for a slow dance partner
✔have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
✔never have to buy a car with airbags

웃 Women with Small boobs��
✔don't cause a traffic jam
every time they bend over in public
✔always look younger
✔find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
✔can always see their toes and shoes
✔can sleep on their stomach

have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
✔know that people can read the entire message on their T-shirts
✔know that everything more than a handful is wasted
✔can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
✔can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out
✔never be accused of having implants.

Shorty

Shortest joke :
Girl : Fuck you>:O
Guy : Promise kar;) :D

Doodh

Santa Biwi se- "Ek Glass Doodh dena."

Biwi (Sexy Mood me BRA Upar kar ke)-
"Muh Laga kar Pee Lo."

Santa-
"Teri aisi Harkaton ke Kaaran mein Tujhse Paani nahi Mangta.".

Mugaleazam

If Madhubala was Replaced with Sunny leone in the film Mughal-e-Azam...,
What would it be . . . ?

"Muh-me-Le-Azam..."=))

Travel Allowance

Bureaucracy explained!

After the great war in Ramayana, Hanumanji submitted his T.A. (Travel Allowance) Bill for his official tour for collecting Sanjeevani Booti to Ayodhya administration.

The LDC (Lower Division Clerk) in T.A. Bill section raised 3 objections:

(1) Hanumanji did not take prior permission of the appropriate authority (Bharat), the King of Ayodhya, during the relevant time for his travel;

(2) Hanumanji being Junior officer was not entitled to air travel;

(3) Hanumanji was asked to bring Sanjeevani Booti, just a single plant, but he carried a whole mountain (unauthorized excess baggage).

The LDC returned the bill.

King Ram could do nothing except mark it down for re-examination.

A worried Jaambuvan approached the LDC and offered a bribe of 10% of the T.A. Bill amount.

The LDC now wrote on the Bill:

Re-examined:

1. Even during the relevant time, Ramji was the de-jure king through his Paduka.

2. Further, in an emergency, non-entitled officers can be authorized ex-post facto to fly.

3. Also excess baggage is justified as bringing a wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys with extra cost; hence bill may be paid.

The T.A. Bill was paid accordingly.

Boos is right

An employee goes to his boss to discuss his appraisal. Boss starts asking questions:

Boss - There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Employee - That's easy. There are 49 left.

Boss - How would you put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - How would you put a deer into the fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - It's the lion's birthday. All animals are at the party except one. Who is missing & why?

Employee - Deer is missing because it is in the fridge.

Boss - An old woman wants to cross a swamp
filled with crocodiles. How will she do it?

Employee - She just has to cross from 1 side to the other because all the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday party.

Boss - Last question.
The old lady still died why crossing the swamp. How?

Employee - Err... I guess she drowned?

Boss - No! She was hit by the brick that fell from the airplane.
You may leave.

Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo. Agar boss ko tumhari leni hai to leke hi manega. kyuki har ek boss kamina hota hai..:) issued in interest of all the subordinates.:)

Desperation

Desperation is when ur in a taxi.
Ur girlfriend texts u,
"SEX TONIGHT?"
You type, "YES"
Then a thief snatches
ur phone thru d window and instead of shouting for "HELP!"
You shout,
"send mar...!!!
Send mar !!! 
Phone lekar ja magar Send to maarrr"

Sunnys Careers

Sunny Leone has had one of the most successful career transformation.

FROM

C:\data\Newfolder\StudyMaterial\Java\Code\data\etc

TO

E:\Hindi Movies
