Sunday 28 July 2013

Wife

Gujarati wife no kamal

Jo Columbus ne Gujarati wife hot to?
E kyarey america na shodhi shakyo hot..

kem ke...?????

Wife-

tame kya jav chho?

Kyare pachha avsho?

Kem atlo badho time?

Koni sathe jav chho?

Sha mate jav chho?

Shu shodhva jav chho?

Anathi shu thase?

Fakt tame j kem,
bija nathi?

Tame jasho,
pachhi hu shu karish?

Tame
rahesho, khasho, pisho kya?

Tame mane
yad to karsho ne?

Mara mate shu lavsho?

Shu hu tamari sathe avu?

Pacha avta shak lai avjo..

Tamne mara sam
Jaldi pachha avjo..

Pahochi ne tarat janavjo.

kagal lakhta rehjo..

Columbus-
le mari maa.!!
Nathi jato khush....

12 rs

Raj Babbar said "in Mumbai I can hv complete meal for Rs 12" ............ "McDonald's to introduce new burger for Rs.12/-, which will be named McBabbar" 

Nominated

Indian nominations ( XXX ) 4 oscar award.

1.reshma ki salwar me talwar
2.abla nari ka babla bhari
3.pati fauj me,biwi mauj me
4.amar prem, bistar par game..
5.Ghar me saali to raat bhar diwali.
6.Phat gai panty to chud gai aunty!
7.Randi ho gayi thandi.
8.Zalim lauda lage hathoda.
9.Peticot me visfot
10.Paan khaye muniya ,maa chudaye duniya.
11.andheri raat me diya tere haath me...diya bujh gaya naa jaane kahaan ghus gaya...!!!
12.Tu jhuk main lagaun!!!
13.Haar gaye satte phoot gaye tatte!!!
14.le le Meera sau ka note...khol de apna peticot...
15.le le Meerw noton ki gaddi...khol de apni chaddi....!!!
16.Main raam doot teri maa ki choot!!
17.Pad gayi thand sikud gaya lund!!
18.ye haath nhi hathoda h...gandhi jee ka lauda h...!!!
19.Mere laude ka war jaise chale talwar
20) Haseena Ki Gaand Mein Paseena
21) Ghaagre Mein Dhoom-Dhadaaka
22) Lund Andar -Dum Jallandar
23) Cheeni Rani Ki Peeli Chut – A Mystery.
24) Tamboo Mein Bamboo
25) Woh Ek Thi Uspar Teen Thhe
26) Kambal Mein Oye Hoye
27) Chamatkaar Se Hua Balatkaar
28) Lund Wale Fuddiyaan Le Jayenge
10) Choot Ka Bhoot

Many 2

Ek ladki  check up ke liye gai, Doctor ki niyat khrab ho gai.

Doctor ne uske kaprey utarwaye.

Girl:- kiss kyu le rhe ho?
Doctor:Checkup ke liye

Girl:- Breast kyu daba rahe ho?
Doctor:- Breast cancer check karne ke liye.

Doctor ne sex karna shuru kar diya.

Girl:- kya kar rahe ho?
Doctor:- Aids checkup.

Girl:- Check kya karna hai. AIDS ki to dawayi lene aayi thi mein.
8 sal ka bachcha rape case mein pakda jata hai.


Lady lawyer us ki lulli pakad k kehti hai :-judge sahab kya ye bacha itni chhoti lulli se rape kar sakta hai???

Bacha kehta hai: haramjadi, hila mat warna case har jaegi.
Pati Patni ne sex krne k liye code word rakha “CHALO CHEENI KHAYE”.


Ek din unka naukar unki Jawan beti ke sath SEX karte pakda gaya.

Maalik:- Abe Saale, ye kya kar rahe the?

Naukar:- Maalik, cheeni kha raha tha.

Maalik:- abe cheeni hi khani hi thi to khuli bori se kha leta. Nai bori kyu kholi.


Suhagrat Par Pati Ne Apni Patni Ko Drate Hue..

Pati: “ Shadi Se Pahle Kitni Baar suhaGRaat maNAyi Hai?”

Patni: “ Ji Ek Baar Bhi Nahi ”

Pati: “ Juth Mat Bol, Mere Pas Ek Meter Hai Laga Ke Check Karu? ”

Patni: “ Ji, Ek Baar Galti Se hO gya Thha ”

Pati: “ Sach Sach Bata, Mere Pass Sach Ka Meter Hai, Lagau Kya? ”

Patni: “ Mujhe Maaf Kar Do, 10-15 Baar Karwaya”

Pati: “ Sab Sach Sach Bata De, Nahi To Meter Lagane Wala Hun”

Patni Gusse Mein Aakr: “ Aaja Bhonsdi Ke Laga Hi Le Tu Apna Meter,Jitni Baat Maine manAYi Hai Na Utne Tere Meter Mein Number bhi Nahi Honge “


Suhagrat Ko Kamre Ki Light Band Thhi Aur Ladki Dulhe Ki Wait Kar Rahi thi...

Ladka Darwaja Khol Ke Kamre Mein Aya Aur Jaldi Mein Ladki Se Bola

Ladka: “Jaldi Se Apne Kapde Utaro”

Ladki Ne Kapde Utar Liye Aur Khub Bhadiya Tarike Se Dono Ne Sex Kiya
Sex Ke Baad Ladka Bola: “Ab Jaldi Se Kapde Pahan Lo”

Ladki: “Kyu?, Kya Hua”

Ladka: “Dulha Aane Wala Hai“

Ek jungle mein sare male janwar female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte rahte the.. !!

Saari female jaanwar mil ke Brahmaji ke pass gayi aur vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti miley !

Bramhaji ne SAB male janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko token de diye aur boley ki ek mahiney ke baad token lanaa aur apna-apna lund le jaana.. !

Shaam ke time Bandar ped pe baitha tha..

Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue kaha:
"Chod
saaley,
bhenchod ! Ab chod naa mujhe"?

Bandar kuch nahi bola.

Bandariya fir boli"Chod na Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.."!!

Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur bola:
"Ek maheena ruk ja haraamzaadi ! Maine Haathi ka token churaya hai..."!!!


The best ever English to hindi dictionary for guys:

xcuse me= sun chutiye;

stupid= abe gandu;

get out= Nikal bhosdike;

I m in problem = Yaar Loude lag gaye;

I am scared= gaand phati hui hai yaar;

Where r u= Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai;

Would u like to have this= lega laudu;

Not possible!!!= chal bhosdike;

He is a very bad person= Bada madarchod hai;

I'm sorry = maa chuda;

Where r u? = kahan gaand mara raha hai?;

I 4give u! = muh mei le le;

No = ghanta;

Too small= jhaant barabar;

Too big= gaandfaadu;

Difficulty= gaand faat gayi;

We rock= maa chod di;

And finally the best one:

Dost= laude......:D :D :D

Many

Sexy poem 

 - Mohini aao khelenge.

 - Nahi Aap humko pelenge.

 - Yehi to pyar ki kasauti hai

 - Nahi,Meri chut bahut chhoti hai

 - Dekh Tere liye is dil me kitna pyar bhara hai

 - Nahi Mujhe pata hai Aapka Bahut der se khada hai

 - Dekh Ye tera husn aur nikhaar dega.

 - Ji nahi Ye meri chut+gand dono phad dega..
....../ / /'''''\\
      / / / ⌣ ⌣|\
      \_/    .. / 
    _'  `-.   /          / /''''\\
   /       \|           / / _  _|\
  /          \         /  /)  _' |\.
;            |      _/-')\   - /' \
|     |      | _.-'      ` -'(  |
`    `\   •/      _,       )/  \
  `\     \     \   \-'.     .   .  \
  :  \     |   |\   \ |     \   \  \
  `. `\    \ /  \   ;'     •)  •) \
   |    \.  `"-._\  \`.__.'__.'  \
   |      "-.__   \  \     /      \  \
   )         / ,\_./'  \  /         \  \
  .'         | .'   <//::\           \ `,__
/         #'|    </ ||\             |/--\\\
|        \#.-\      `' \
|         )_.-`\        \
|         |(    `\       |
\        | |    | \      \
  \       | '    |   \      \
   \      |      |    \      \
BABA CHODUDAS KA UPDESH:
3 Cheeze Zindagi me ek Baar milti hai

(1) LUND

(2) PAHLI CHUDAI

(3) JAWANI

3 Cheeze Soch samaj Kar Uthao

(1) LAUDA

(2) HATHODA

(3) DARU SANG SODA

3 Cheeze Soch Ke Karo

(1) PADOSAN SE CHUDAI

(2) KHET ME KHUDAI

(3) DOST KI VIDAI

3 Cheeze Kisi Ka Intezar nahi Karti

(1) RANDI KI CHOOT

(2) BIGDA HUA POOT

(3) AATA HUA MOOT

3 Cheeze Choti Na Samjo
(1) SOYA LUND

(2) AATI THUND

(3) Mutual FUND

3 Cheeze hamesa Dard deti hai

(1) KUNWARI CHOOT

(2) DAKU KI LOOT

(3) ATKA HUA MOOT

3 Cheeze hamesa apko khush rakhegi

(1) CHODNE KI KHUMARI

(2) BHOJAN KI TAIYARI

(3) MERI YARI.
Men will be Men:

Nipple Mila. Chusna Shuru, ��
DEWAAR Mili. Mutna Shuru,
Zuban Fisli.. Maa-Behan Shuru,��
Gaand Mili. Ungli shuru, 
Fokat Ki Mili. Pina Shuru...
Lund haath aaya. Hilana shuru.. 
Char dost mile. Gandmasti shururu . Ladki mili.Chudai ki planning shuru... Aisa msg mila.Fwrd karna shuru.. :
=>B1

Saturday 20 July 2013

Munna Circut

MUNNA CIRCUIT

Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?
Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu
Munna: Kyun!
Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.

Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle
patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya
to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.

Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone pe baat ki.
Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.
Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!

Munna Bhai: Apna Desh kaun chala raha hai?
Cirkit: Bhai SMS
Munna Bhai: Kya bakta hai?
Cirkit: Bhai, SMS bole toh
S=SARDAR
M=MANMOHAN
S=SINGH

Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu
har note me haste hi
kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai
BHAI, Royenge to note
geeela ho jayenga na.

Circuit- Bhai, Aamerican Rastrapati Kaha Rehta He?
Munaa- DHOBIGHAT Pe
Circuit- Dhobighat Bole To?
Munaa- English Me Bole To
“WOSHING TOWN"

Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to
gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?

Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us
time ke salmaan khan thay!!

Bachee

Maine ek Dr. se puchha…
“Bacche itne shararti kyu hote hai”
Fantastic jawab mila:-
Jo cheez banti hi shararat se hai wo sharif kaise ho sakti hai ������

Congress

HAR KISI KI CHUT ME GUS JANE KO TAYAAR NAHI

HAR KISI KI CHUT ME GUS JANE KO TAYAAR NAHI

YE MERA LUND HAI KOI CONGRESS KI SARKAR NHI

Pite

Hum whiskey nahi pite
Hum rum nahi pite.
Hum gam ke naam jam nahi pite.
Agar mil jaye yaaro ki mehfil
To khuda ki kasam hum kisi se kam nahi pite..

Drunk

Got so Drunk Last Night ,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!

Paper

Maths nu papr joi Bapu achanak Garba karva Lagya..
Examiner e gusse thai ne pu6yu a shu karo 6o?
Bapu :Tamej to kidhelu k Darek step na Marks malse.

Lie

Biggest lie:

bikini pahenke zinnat aman sings: kya dekhte ho

Firozkhan: surat tumhari 

Ramila


Ramila : maro pati evo sex no gando chhe ke hun eni saame kapda pan badli nathi shakti.

Urmila : aa to haju thik chhe. Hun to mara pati  saame Bagasu pan nathi khai shakti....

Tit

EPIC ONE.                                                           Suzy gave birth to the triplets and named them Mat , Pat and Tat !!

She fed Mat from her left breast n Pat from her right !!

Moral : Sometimes there's no
Tit for Tat !!!! 

Law

Indian Penal Code
Section 375
A man is said to commit "rape" who, except in the case hereinafter excepted, has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the six following descriptions:— First — Against her will. Secondly — Without her consent. Thirdly — With her consent, when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in whom she is interested in fear of death or of hurt. Fourthly — With her consent, when the man knows that he is not her husband, and that her consent is given because she believes that he is another man to whom she is or believes herself to be lawfully married. Fifthly — With her consent, when, at the time of giving such consent, by reason of unsoundness of mind or intoxication or the administration by him personally or through another of any stupefying or unwholesome substance, she is unable to understand the nature and consequences of that to which she gives consent. Sixthly — With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age. Explanation — Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual intercourse necessary to the offence of rape. Exception — Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape. STATE AMENDMENT Union Territory of Manipur: (a) in clause  sixthly, for the word "sixteen" substitute  the word "fourteen"; and (b) in the Exception, for the word "fifteen" substitute the word "thirteen". Vide Act 30 of 1950. COMMENTS Mere absence of spermatozoa cannot cast a doubt on the correctness of the prosecution case; Prithi Chand v. State of Himachal Pradesh, (1989) Cr LJ 841: AIR 1989 SC 702.
Did u know that..

Bhuro

Pagal

3 boys    proposed a Girl-
Boy1-- Jaanu me tumhare liye apni jaan de skta hu..
.
Girl  - yeh to sab kehte he..:> ��
.
Boy 2-- Jaanu me tumhare liye chand  taare  tod k la skta hu..
.
Girl - Purana Dialogue he...:>��
.
Boy 3-- Me tumhari Activa  me Roz 1 litre petrol  dalvaunga...;)
.
Girl-- Ankhon me aansu aate hue,
"Pagal Itna Pyar krta he mujse  ???? ."


Recording

!! 
This is hilarious...
A foreigner asked Indian Husband,
"Why Indian Women have Red Dot  on their forehead ?"

Indian replied,
"Because they Record everything.."
HilariouS really 

Wednesday 17 July 2013

Marwadi

Marwadi biwi ke saath naha raha tha.
Biwi ne goti pe saabun lagaaya
Marwadi ka Khada ho gaya.

Biwi gusse se: Isko chota karo. Saabun abhi 2 hafte aur chalana hai!

Women

Women drivers are like stars in the sky.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You can see them, but they can't see you.. :P

Imp

Dear All

It is an excellent online service introduced by GOI. Kindly, pass this on to as many as you can.***Finally something very useful...** 
** 
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*Obtain:  * *
1.  Birth Certificate < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/howdoi.php?service=1*
*> .
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Apply for:   **
1.    PAN Card < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=15*
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* Domain < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=25*
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Check/Track:
1.    Waiting list status for Central Government Housing < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=9*
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1.     Train Tickets Online < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=5*
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1.      Prime Minister's Relief Fund < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=11*
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1.      Send Letters Electronically < **http://www.india.gov.in/howdo/otherservice_details.php?service=20*
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1.     Citizens < **http://www.india.gov.in/citizen.php*
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* > .
22.  Contact Us < **http://www.india.gov.ini/contactus.php*
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Vicks

VICKS नाम की दवा अमेरिका में बनाना और बेचना दोनों जुर्म है! अगर किसी डॉक्टर ने किसी को VICKS की prescription लिख दी तो उस डॉक्टर को 14 साल की जेल हो जाती है, उसकी डिग्री छीन ली जाती है |
क्यूंकि विक्स जहर है, एवं ये आपको दमा, अस्थमा, ब्रोंकिअल अस्थमा कर सकता है| इसीलिए दुनिया भर में WHO और वैज्ञानिकों ने इसे जहर घोषित किया |
और ये जहर भारत में सबसे ज्यादा बिकता है विज्ञापनों की मदद से | लेकिन कानून के हिसाब से किसी दवा का विज्ञापन टीवी पे नही दिया जा सकता! लेकिन पैसे के ताकत से, घूसखोरी से ये सब होता है | राजीव भाई आगे बताते है कि विक्स बहुत ज्यादा महंगी मिलती है उदहारण के तौर पे 25 ग्राम 40 रुपिया की, मतलब 1 किलो विक्स की कीमत 1600 रुपिया है| विक्स पेट्रोलियम जेल्ली से बनता है जिसकी कीमत 60 -70 रुपिया किलो है और विक्स की बिक्री में प्रोक्टर एंड गम्ब्ले कंपनी को 20000 % से ज्यादा का मुनाफा है | ये मुनाफा आप की जेब से लूटा जा रहा है और सरकार इस घोटाले में शामिल है | सरकार ने लाइसेन्स दे रखा है, आँखे बंद कर रखी है और कंपनी देश को लूट रही है!
इस दवा को ना खरीदें और इसके बारे में दुसरो को भी बताएं! मैं आपका आभारी रहूँगा!
जय हिंद-जय भारत !
पोस्ट को शेयर जिससे आपके मित्रो को भी इस बारे में जानकारी मिले करें और अपने मित्रो को भी टेग करें.....

क्यों बेन है vicks अमेरिकन और यूरोपियन देशी में?
जहर बेचती विसेधि कंपनिया

Chutiya

Aasman mai ud rahi thi
kutiya....
:
Wah Wah
:
Aasman me ud rahi thi kutiya.... :
:
:
Msg padh kar ban gaya na
Chutiya.?
:
kabhi udti hai kutiya.?
:
Saala chutiya.

Monday 15 July 2013

Lawyer

A lawyer came home after having sex in his car.

Girl forgot her bra n panty in car.

The wife found them, tore them up n shouted: U dirty bastard u hv been screwing ur secretary.

Without blinking an eyelid, lawyer shouted back. Bitch u hv just destroyed d only evidence of a high profile rape case I have been working on. U can now forget abt diamond necklace u were asking for,

Wife fell on her knees, crying & trying 2 repair d torn pieces & lawyer walked away wid a smile........

Many Many

One of d latest and best GAALI heard on surat railway platform.......

"benchod....lodo feki ne maarish ne....

to aakhu khandaan chodai jashe....
1.
Woman- Dr. abhi mujhe kuch dino tak bacha nahi chahiye.
Dr- ye le lena.
Woman- pani ke sath ya doodh ke sath?
Dr.- behen ki laudi ye condom hai, lund ke sath lena hai

2.
Bhojpuri Husbnd Suhagrat ko Apni Biwi Se Bola-
Aaj to hum tohaar Maa Chod debe.
Bhojpuri Biwi Apna Ghagra Utha ke boli "aur ee ko ka tohaar Baapu aai ke Chodi"

3.
MAN: may i KiSS u.
LADY: CONDOM Laye ho?
MAN: KiSS karne ke Liye CONDOM?
LADY: SHARiF to aise ban rahe ho, jaise KiSS ke baad KHADE Lund pe India ka FLAG TAANGOGE.

4.
Blue film Dekhte Hue Biwi Pati se Boli-
Aap Us Aadmi ki Tarah Itni Zyada Der tak kyun Nahi Kar Sakte?
PATI- Pagli wo Uski Biwi nahi hai, Tu Apni Behan se Puchh mera stamina kaisa hai!

5.
India's most versatile sound."BHENCHOD" In 8 moods:
1. ANGER:
Bhag Bhenchod
2. FRUSTRATION :
Sab chutiye he Bhenchod
3. ACCEPTANCE :
Sahi Hai Bhenchod
4. REJECTION :
Gand Mara Bhenchod.
5. FEAR :
Ab kya Hoga Bhenchod.
6. SORROW :
Bhenchod gand phat gayi..
7. SHOCK:
O Bhennnn.... Chhodd..!

And last one CELEBRATION :
PiYO BHENCHOD PIYO

6.
Do Ladkiyaan Aadhi Raat Ko Ghoom Rahi Thi.
Ek Ko Dar Lagne Lagaa To Dusri Boli- Dar mat, Apna Konsa Koi Lund Ukhaad Lega....!!!! :

7.
Husband- roz roz paalak ki sabzi khilati ho main tang aa gaya hun.
Wife - paalak main iron hota hai ji.
Husband- to kya meri gaand se TMT sariya nikalwayegi??

8.
Ek budha BLUE FILM dekhte hue zor se hath ko jhatakne laga
Boy-kya hua baba?
Budha-iski Maa ko chodu sala...15 sal bad lund khada hua to BHENCHOD hath sunn ho gaya

9.
Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: “Translate This Sentence In Hindi – Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees”
Munni Sharmate Hue: “Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye“

10.
EK LADKI Ka ZERO FIGURE DeKH Ke GAALIB ne arz kiya
"Na Gaand hai na seena hai"
wah! wah wah wah
"na gaand hai na seena hai"
MAA KI laudi YE KESI HASEENA hai

11.
BOYS or GIRLS k bat krne me kya fark hota hai?

Girl-yaha kya kr rahe ho
Boy-yaha kya maa chuda raha h
Girl-maine aap ko kya kaha
Boy-maine konsi teri GAAND marli
Girl-aap itni tez kyo chal rahe ho
Boy-teri GAAND me aag lagi h kya
Girl-woh teacher ki respect karta h
Boy-ye to teachrs ki GAAND me ghusa rahta h
Girl-Us ladki ka character acha nahi
Boy-ye to RAAND h
Girl-tum to bahut murakh ho
Boy-tu to LODU h
Girl-darr lag rha h
Boy-Gaand fat rhi h
Girl-maje mat lo pls
Boy-ungli mat kr bhosdi ke
Girl-aaj to ghar walo se dant padi
Boy-aaj to lode lag gaye bhenchod.

Sunday 14 July 2013

Jugaad

Kitnaa adhuraa lagtaa hai....
jab baadal ho , baarish naa ho ..
Jab zindagi ho, pyaar   na ho..
Jab aankhe ho, khwaab  naa ho........


Jab KHADAA ho, aur koi JUGAAD naa ho !!!

Gujarati

Gujju Patel was living next to a British in London. Once they had n argument over 'who leads a better life."

British: we have a big house
Gujju: I have a house next to urs n 4 more evn bigger houses back in Guj.
British: I have Benz!
Gujju: I have 8 Benz!
British (confused): Really? But I never saw u riding any!
Gujju: I have 3 in Amdavad - Maniben, Ramilaben and Kokilaben. 2 in Rajkot - Jasuben and Nainaben. 2 live in London itself - Dayaben and Karunaben. Total 7 Bens. N this is my wife - Seemaben! She is the one I ride. But I'm not going to show you that! We r from well cultured family!=))
����

Many


Ek aurat Dr Se: “Mera Pati 300% Napusank Hai”
Doctor Hairan Hoke: “Arrey, Wo Kaise?”
Aurat Rote Hue Boli: “Ek To Uska Khada Nahi Hota. Dusara Uski Ungli Bhi Tuti Hai. Teesra KalUs MadarchodNe Garam Garam Chai Pee Ke Apni Jibh Bhi Jala Li.“


Ek Moti Lady Ek Bar Bazar Mein Bra Lene Gayi, Aur Dukan Par Jake Bra Dekhne Lagi.
Dekhte Dekhte Achanak Boli: “Bhaiya, Wo Wali Bra Mere Size Ki Lagti Hai, Dikhana Zara”
Dukandar: “Maff Karna Bahanji, Wo Bra Nahi, Mere Scooter Ki Steppney Ka Cover Hai“


Pappu: “Mom, Aap Blouse Mein PaiseKyun Rakhti Ho?”
Mom: “Taaki Tere Papa Ko Pata Na Chale”
Pappu: “Mom Aap Bhi Na, Bechare Papa Roz Kaamwali Ke Blouse Mein Dhoondte Rahte Hai“


Ek Dukhi Lady Baba Ke Pas Gayi Aur Boli
Lady: “Baba Mera Pati Kab Sudhrenga?”
Baba: “Pati Ko Layi Ho?”
Lady: “Nahi.”
Baba: “Koi Baat Nahi, Apna Blouse Kholiye”
Lady: “Kyun?”
Baba: “Bachha, Pati Ki Hath Ki Rekhayein Dekhni Hai Na“


Apni Suhagrat Ko Pati Achhe Tarike Se Sex Kar Nahi Paya
Subha Dulhe Ki Maa Ne Bahurani Se Puchha
Saas: “Bahu, Suhagrat Kaisi Rahi?“
Bahu Udasi Se: “Maa Ji Kya Batau, Grah Parvesh To 2 Baar Hua, Par Grah Shanti Nahi Ho Paayi“


Girl Hostel Me Ek Phone Aaya – “Meena Hai Kya?”
Warden Ne Pucha – “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Wo?”
Phone Wala – “Ab Tho Pata Nahi Ji Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“


Aeroplane me ek scientist aur ek bachha sath baithe the
Sct:- Kuchh baat kare , time paas ho jayega
Boy:-Kis topic par
Sct:-Nuclear power par
Boy: Theek
he,magar pehle mere ek sawal ka jawab do ki jab Bakra, Bhaisa aur Gadha, teeno ghaas khate h,
phir Bakre ka Lund itna chhota q?
Bhaise ka itna mota q? aur
Gadhe ka itna lamba q hota h?
Sct:-what nonsense, mujhe nhi pta
Boy: bhosdiwale Pata tujhe Lund ka nhi or Baatein nuclear power ki chodni hai


Popat ka Pinjra
20 Rupaye me".
Popat ka Pinjra.                                                20 Rupaye me ...ek aadmi road side chilla raha tha
1Aurat ne pas ja kar dekha,
aur
wapas aayi.

Dusri: Kya huwa?

Patni: Haramkhor Kameena!

"UNDER WEAR"
bech raha hai.


Response after sex

1) call girl; paise

2) girl frends; jaldi kapde do

3) padosan; fir kab aoge

4) wife; ab 2 din kuch mat bolna

5) kamwali; ab to pagar bada do..


Suhag raat ko dulha bola: Priye bolo, aaj tujhe chand pe le jaun ya taaron me?
Dulhan: Pehle apna Rocket dikhao, phir decide karungi.


Kuware sochte hai k shadishuda ache h
Shadishuda sochte hai k kuware ache h
Fark sirf itna hai ki Shadishuda din m sochte hai or kuware raat ko...


Boyfriend1:- can i touch your boobs
Girlfriend1 :- Shut up!!!!
Boyfriend2 :- can i touch ur heartbeats
Girlfriend2 :- ooooh!! how sweet!!

Rishta wahi soch nai


Teacher: Machchhar k Katne Se Maleria hota hai Aids kyu Nahi ?

Student: Qki Machchhar Dunk Marta hai Gaand nahi. Aage se Bakchodi Wale Sawal mat Puchhna.


LIC launches a new sexy Policy Jeevan Sambhog In partnership with MANFORCE condoms and UNWANTED-72
The new punch line:- Thokne ke Saath Bhi, Thokne ke Baad Bhi.


Shop pe Ladki ne 36 ki Bra li or trial room me kameez uttar ke dukandar ko andr bulaya.

Dukandar ne Boobs dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, Wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai:

Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !!


Girl: condoms Dena..
Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e
Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra CHUTIYA paida na kare....

 
Fauji's wife daily sends her nude photo with both legs wide open ...

"Janu, I'll wait like this till you come!"

Fauji: Wo to theek hai, par photo kaun kheench raha hai??


Girl Friend: I demand gud manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Sardar climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please??


Husband is praying before going to bed ...

Wife: What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance.

Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!


The best excuse given by a lady for missing office on Monday ...

My husband took an overdose of Viagra ... couldn't leave him alone with the Maid!!


A boy comes to his class with broken spectacles ...

Teacher: What happened?

Boy: I was kissing my Girlfriend.

Teacher: But how did your spectacles break?

Boy: She closed her legs!!


What's the difference between a man & a woman ...

A man always has the same DICK between his legs all his life ...

A woman MAY NOT!!


Wife: Nashta kar lo.

Husband: Sex hi mera nashta hai & he starts sex.

Dopahar ko wife: Lunch kar lo.

Husband sex hi mera lunch hai & starts sex.
Raat ko jab husband aata hai to wife panty utaar kar
heater ke aage baithi hoti hai.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: Hawas ke poojari, khana garam kar rahin hoon!!


After operation, a girl to Dr: How soon can I resume my sex life?

Dr: You are the first patient to ask this question after tonsil operation!!


Sexy Lady goes to male gynae and says: Dr, a fly has entered my vagina.

Dr: There is only one solution. I can apply some honey on my penis and insert in your vagina. The fly will stick to penis and thus we can take it out.

Lady: Go ahead.

Dr starts.

After five minutes, sexy lady asks: Kya hua Dr, fly kab bahaar niklega?

Dr: Plan changed. I am going to drown him..


Boy- U R wearing Red Bra ?
Girl - How do u know?
Boy-Thanx 2 RAJNIKANT Eyecare!
Girl-U r not wearing underwear
Boy - Hey U too RAJNIKANT eyecare!
Girl - Chain laav aai Zavadya.
Tuza RAJNIKANT baher alaay.


Arz Kiya H

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Gaur Farmaiyega.

Wah Wah, !!!
"Sun to Le Bhosdi ke"

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Use Kehte H Jhaat K Baal...


Suhaag Raat Me Wife :
Muje Gabhrahat ho rahi Hai..

Husband : Tumhari PehLi Raat hai na IsLiye ?

Wife : Nahi Ji Raat me Pehli Baar hai IsLiye.


Pati: Sex ho jaye?
Wife:Nahi
Pati: Zewar la dunga
W:Nahi
Pati: Car launga
W:Nahi
Beta so raha tha..beech me bola: Papa meri gand mar lo par CYCLE la do...


Ladki to Dr: Bachcha 2 din se doodh nhi pi raha
Dr ne Bra me hath daala aur kafi der taK bobbs ko masal ke bola
Doodh hi nai hai
Ladki:"Main to iski Mausi hoon"


Wife: Please zara ye bra ka hook laga dijiye.
Hus: I will charge 4 kisses.
Wife: Rahne do, padosi Se free me lagva leti hu, wo haath daal kar Set bhi kar denge.


CONDOM salesman:
Condom chahiye kya???

Marwadi: kam bhav ka khushbudar rahega to de.

Salesman:
Laude pe agarbatthi ka plastic lagake chod Bhosdike...


MAUN-VRAT ke dinl
Wife ne Boobs hilake dikhaya
Husbd ne apna bahar nikal k dikhaya
Wife guse me-Mera matlb hai dudwala kab ayega
Hsbd: mera mtlab hai 1 Ghante me


Girl: What do u prefer? Breasts or Legs??
Kuljit: Choot..!
.
Girl slaps & says: "Randi Khana nahi hai Bhosdi ke, KFC ka counter hai ye"..


Jeevan ki 3 Hakiikat.

School ki Ghanti.
Garib ka Darwaja.
Jawan Ladki.

INKO JAB BHI THOKOGE

BACCHE HI BAHAR NIKLENGE !


The Most emotional line said by a girl to a boy after break-up-

"Jaanu, hilaate waqt to yaad karoge na ?


Ladki mandir me prasad lekar pandit k pair chhukar boli
koi gyan ki baat btao.

Pandit= Beti"Bra pehna karo"jhukti ho to
dhyan aur gyan
dono ki Maa chud jati he !!


Call Girl (to 68 years old man): "Uncle,
aap ek baar try karo na!"

Uncle: "Main KAR nahi paaunga."

Call Girl: "Arre, aao na uncle, try to karo!"

Uncle aa gaye aur callgirl pe toot pade aur uski almost faad dali.

Call Girl: Haaye mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the-
"kar nahi paaunga"

Uncle: "Wo to main PAYMENT ke baare me bol raha tha.


Salim: Anarkali,CAN I HAVE SEX WITH U?
Anarkali: Aapne bahut badi cheez maang li jahanpanah.
Salim: Agar woh cheez bahut badi ho chuki ho, toh phir rehne do..


SANDAS par pesh he GAZAL
 
Aaj dost kya lagi,k
hum behal ho gaye,
Hag hag k kule hamare laal ho gaye,

In ghutno me ab to dard ho gaya,
Seat pe bethna bhi dushwar ho gaya,

Pet me na jane kya gud gud hota he,
Ab to har pal jane ka mood hota he,

Dho dho k hamari jaan nikal gayi, 1 pichkari abhi mari thi,
Dekho dusri phir aa gayi

Puchur Puchuk Sarrar na jaane kaisi aawaze aati he,
Padosan kehti hai dhire karo, Choti baby darr jaati he.

Apni bebasi ko dhund raha hu iss gazal me, Arrey koyi motor chala do, Pani nhi aa rahab he nal me,

Gazal acchi lage toh Daad dena, Nahi toh zor se Paad dena.


Friendship Adult Version:

Friendship is not About
'I'm sorry'
Its About
'LUND SE'

Its not about
'Where are you?'
Its about
'KAHA GAND MARA RAHA HAI'

Its not about
'No'
Its about
'GHANTA'

Its not about
'TOO SMALL'
Its about
'JHAANT BARABAR'

Its not about
'TOO BIG'
Its about
'GAND PHAADU!'

Its not about
'DIFFICULTY'!
Its about
'GAND FAT GAI'

And
Its not about
'WE WILL ROCK!'
Its about
'MAA CHOD DENGE'

Fwd to all your loving gaandu groups
Bachpan se 2 hi cheezein sabse zyada mili hai...
Biscuits aur dost!
Farq sirf itna hai ki biscuits Marie k mile
aur dost. . . . .Chut-marie ke..

Saturday 13 July 2013

Galat

Girl (During  sex): Nahi ye galat hai
Boy: But I Luv U
G: Fir b galat hai
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge
G: Bhosdike jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai...

Purse

Pappu ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha :

Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur nilkanth patil ke naam ka ID mila hai...

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ???

Pappu : Nahi...
Main chahta hu ki nilkanth patil ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye... 

Rakhi

Dr to Rakhi Sawant :-
U r looking so weak and exhausted r u taking 3 meals a day as I had advised u ?

Rakhi :- "Oh JEEJAS... Your compounder typed 3 Males a day" 

Confidence

Height of confidence:-
Dr to 80 years aged men-
iss umar me jawan ladki ke sath sex karna jaan lewa ho sakta hai.

Buddha-i don't care,
marti hai to mar jaye saali 

Moniror

Bapu Class Ma Masti Karta Hata
6okari:- Stand Up...
Bapu:- Kon 6e Tu?
6okari:- Hu MONITOR 6u.
Bapu:- Hahahaha...Tara Divaso To Gaya Gandi
Have To LCD, LED, 3D No Zamano 6e.

Moniror

Bapu Class Ma Masti Karta Hata
6okari:- Stand Up...
Bapu:- Kon 6e Tu?
6okari:- Hu MONITOR 6u.
Bapu:- Hahahaha...Tara Divaso To Gaya Gandi
Have To LCD, LED, 3D No Zamano 6e.

Daklo

Rajnikant:- Mere Pas Admision Ke Liye
Grade Hai,
Knowledge Hai,
Dimag Hai,
Paisa Hai,
Tumhare Ps Kya Hai?

Naresh Kanodia : Bhai Mari Pase Bakshi Panch No Dakhlo 6e.

Sales

Sare selu bhaiyon ke liye ....

Wife : Be gentle, it is my first time in Bed.

Husband : What? You had three divorces before.

Wife : My first husbnd was a Philospher. He only talked about it.

Second was a Gyneaclogist He just kept looking at it.

And the third was an Engineer. He wanted to  re-design it.

You are from sales, so this time I know, somehow  I am going to be fucked.

Chennai Express

Just Saw chennai xpress....































At Kalyan station ����

Garam Pani

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to
Santa use ghur raha tha!
Wife romantic hokar:
Kuch karne ka irada hai kya?
Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:
Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi!!��

Calm Down


Man to Doctor: Every night my wife goes to a pub
and sleeps with anyone who proposes to her!
Dr.: Relax, take a deep breath, calm down & now
tell me..
.
.
.
.
.
.
WHICH PUB?:p 

Alooo

3 chor Pappu, Billu aur Santa police se bachne ke liye 3 borio me chup gaye...
Police wale ne pehle bori par lat maari...
Pappu bola: bow bow.... Police wala: Isme kutta hai.
Fir dusri bori par lat mari..
Billu bola: meow meow... Policewala: Isme billi hai...
Fir teesri bori par laat maari to koi awaaz nahi aayi...
Toh usne do laat maari fir bhi koi awaaz nahi aayi fir 20-25 laat marne ke baad
Santa zor se bola: Saale haramkhor aaloo hun aaloo... Aaloo kabhi bolta hai kya??

Professional

A naked lady gets into taxi,
Driver looks at her top 2 bottom repeatedly..
lady: Havn't u ever seen a naked women?

Driver: No, I am just wondering where hav u kept d money 2 pay me.
MORAL: Concentrate on ur Buisness, no matter wht happens..

Be professional..

Patni

Ek research se malum hua he k
.
.
.
.
.
.
agar patni karwa chauth k vrat ki bajay
MAUNVRAT rakhe
to pati ki umar 25 SAAL lambi ho sakti hai��

Chaddi

Aalam yeh hai k Barish ab thamni chahiye,
kale badalo se nayi roshni ab nikalni chahiye,
sirf shayari karna mere zindagi ka maksad nahi yaro,
2 din se balcony me latak rahi underwear bhi toh sukhni chahiye.

Thursday 11 July 2013

Chaddi

Aalam yeh hai ki Barish ab thamni chahiye,

kale Badalo se nayi roshni ab nikalni chahiye,

sirf shayari karna mere zindagi ka maksad nahi yaro,

2din se balcony me latak rahi Chaddi bhi toh sukhni chahiye!!
Good Morning......

Tarak Mehta

Girls ma hamesha thay che fight
Wah wah..
Girls ma hamesha thay che fight
Wah wah..
Babita na bobla joy ne jethalal no thay che tight
----------
Gumda upr malam,malam upar makhi.
Wah Wah
Gumda upr malam,malam upar makhi
Jethalal:BAPUJI TAME PAN 1 SHOT MARI LYO,
BABITA UBHI CHE VAKI
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Arz kiya,
vadla garje che akash ma..
gaur farmaiye
vadla garje che akash ma..
Babita boli:jetha tu muthiya to nathi marto ne s@nd@s
ma.
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Pati kahe patni ne chadar lav odhavi 6
Wah Wah
pati kahe patni ne chadar lav odhavi 6
Jethalal kahe eni Mano Bhosdo aje gme e thy babita ne
chodvi 6
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Resion card leva badha line ma 6e,
Resion card leva badha line ma 6e,
Jethalal says : Ayyer, whisper leto aay babita time ma
6e..!!