Height 0F Phekam-Pheki :
Interviewer: Y Did U Leave Ur Last Job?
Candidate: The Company Shifted Their 0ffice & Didn't Tell Me Where it is..����
Monday 28 October 2013
Feku
Women
A woman in a Jewellry store, Farts while bending over to look at a Beautiful Diamond ring...
She luks around, embarrased, & sees the salesman standing behind her. Totally professional, he says,
"Gud day Ma'am, How may I help U?"
Hoping that maybe he hadn't heard her ''accident'', she asks, "Sir, wats the Price of this lovely Ring?"
He answers
"Ma'am, if U Farted just Luking at it, Ur gonna Shit wen I tell U the Price!!!"
Kathawadi
kathiyavadi sayri
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taro ne maro prem atlo juno..
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wah...wah...
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taro ne maro prem atlo juno
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k madva av tyare leti avje kachi 35 ghato chuno
Shayari
Kisi SHAYAR ne maut ko kya khub kaha he :-
Zindagi me 2 minute koi mere pas na betha,
Aaj sab mere paas bethe ja rahe the,
Koi tohfa na mila aj tak mujhe or aj phool hi phool diye ja rahe the
Taras gaye ham kisi k 1 hath k liye,
Or aaj kandhe pe kandhe diye ja rahe the.
Do kadam sath na chalne ko taiyar tha koi,
Aur aaj kafila ban sath chale ja rahe the,
Aaj pata chala mujhe k "MAUT" kitni hasin hoti he
Kambakht .....
Hum to yuhi zindgi jiye ja rahe the.
Mumbai job
A man in mumbai saw an ad. for a Gynaec's Assistant.
He went in & asked the clerk for details..
The clerk said - the job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaec..
You have to help women out of their underwear, lay them down & carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam & gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaec's examination.
The annual salary is Rs 12lacs & if you're interested you'll have to go to Lonavala..
Man - My God, is that where the job is...??
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Clerk - No sir, that's where the end of the queue is !!!
Many Many
Rixa ma bethi 1 6okri: Rixa dhire chalavo maru dudh uchle 6.
Rixawalo: Bra nathi perti shu?
6okri: Dabba ma dudh chhe louda,, bolvama sabhyta rakh bhosdina..
������
Ek thingano patel Suhaag Rate Room Ma Andar Jai wif ne kidhu Ghodi tha
wif sharmaine boli:
Pehla gand marvani 6e ?
Patel- na chodini Room ni Stoper marvi 6e.!
����
1Aadmi Ne Zoo Me
3 Bhasha Bolne v Tota Dekha,
Jo Eng Hindi & Gujrati Bolta Tha,
Usne Check Krne K Liye Usse Puchha.
Who r u.
Tota=I'm Parrot.
Aadmi=Tum Kon Ho.
Tota=Me Tota.
Aadmi=Tu Kon 6
Tota=Tari Ben Ne Chodu,
1 Ni 1 Vat Ketli Var Karu Madarchod,
Hu Popat 6u, transletr nai, Chut Marina..!��
����
pati SEX Karte Hue Bola :- Ladka Nikalu Ya Ladki?
Patni : Tumhari MAA Ka BHOSDA, MADARCHOD Dard Se GAAND Fatt Rahi Hai,Pahle Jo Dala Hai woh Nikal.
����
Pati patni train me upar ki bench pe...
Pati: jab me bolu coca cola, tub tu kapde utar dena.
Jab me bolu pepsi, tu apne tange khol dena.
Aur jab tu bolegi Thumsup to main andar dal dunga.
Niche baitha Sardar bola: Bhenchod Agar Limca mere upar gira to tumhari "MAA CHOD DUNGA"
Dr
Best Advice To Women By A Skin Specialist:
"Always Go Out Without Bra !
Nobody Will Notice The Wrinkles On
Your Face And dark circles...
Under Your Eyes!"...
You can't beat this
Teacher : What came 1st Sun or Moon ?
Santa: Obviously Moon..
Teacher: How
Santa: Madam ji Honey'moon' hoga tabhi to 'Son' ayega na !
Shortest joke !
Dr: How's your headache?
Patient: She is fine!;)
Maid while cleaning bed, finds a condom..
She asks: "memsaab, ye kya hai??"
Memsaab: "tumhaare gaaon me sex nahi karte kya??"
Maid: " karte hai par itna bhi nahi karte ki mard ki khaal utar jaaye.."
Wife: Har Sunday Tum Fishing K Liye Jatey Ho Naa?
Husband: Haan-Haan Toh?
Wife: Aaj Woh Machhli Aayi Thi..
Keh Rhi Thi Ki Woh Maa Banne Wali hai! :n
Santa 1 ghar ke niche su-su kar raha tha..
Upar se 1 aurat boli: Dikhta nahi hai diwar hai..
Santa bola: Thoda side se dekho.. dikh jayega.
There are 70 ways to keep a man happy.
One is Alcohol..!
The rest is 69...!
What is the URDU word for a TOPLESS WOMAN Showing her BREAST..?
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Socho..?
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Socho.
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KHUL - E - AAM..!!
"Memsaab, mai Pregnant hu"
"Are wah chhamiya,Apna khayaal rakhna!"
Ji memsaab, Aap bhi apna khayal rakhna! Saab ka Nasbandi ka operation fail ho gaya hai"
Sign outside a silicon breast implant clinic:
We rearrange alphabets...
"LEMONS"
into
"MELONS" .
LADY to Baba:-
mere pati roz aadhi raat ko kahin chale jate hain, aur subah tak vapas nahi aate.
Baba: Sundari..! Ye
"Samasya" hai yaa... "Amantran"..?
PRINICIPAL: Apne Bachhe Ko Jara Tameez Sikhao aap!
PARENT: Kya Hua Sir?
PRINICIPAL: Application Form Ke SEX Wale Column Me Likha Hai: "Kabhi Moka Hi Nahi Mila"
Indian cricket
Dhoni's Mom: Go and bring some
vegetables from market.
Dhoni: But
Mom, We defeated by Australia,and
public are in full anger.Mom: Wear
my sari and then go, no one
will recognize you.(Dhoni goes to
market wearing saree).A Girl: Hi Dhoni,
how areyou?
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(Dhoni got shocked)
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Dhoni:
How did you know, I am Dhoni?
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Girl:Abeh.. I am kohli!
Ishant
When Yuvi Hitted 6 Sixes
They Said Yuvi Batted Well
When Dhoni Scored 34 Runs In Perera's Over
They Said Dhoni Batted Well
When ABD Scored 23 Runs In One Over Of Steyn
They Said ABD Is Batted Well
When Gayle Hitted 5 Sixes In Rahul Sharma's Over
Everyone Said Gayle Is A Mass Hitter
But YEsterday When Ishant Gave Away 30 Runs In
An Over
Evryone Started Abusing Him,Nobody Said Faulkner
Batted Well
Just 2 Bad Matches And Everybody Forget His 2 Back To Back Wickets In Champions Trophy !
Just 2 Bad Matches And Everybody Forget His Magical Spells To Ricky Ponting !
Just 2 Bad Matches And Everybody Forget He Took 96 Wckets In Just 68 Matches And 144 Wickets In Test Matches :')
Still one Last time
Ishant ki maa ka bhosada....
Good One Must Read
Passbook – Really good one !!
Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Priya’s mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.
With Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.
When there’s something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it’s about next to the line.
The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.
I’ve done the first one for you today.
Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you’ve had.
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.
They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
…. and so on…
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn’t talk much.
They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world…. no more love…
Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother:
‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.
I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!’
Mother: ‘Sure, girl, that’s no big deal.
Just do whatever you want if you really can’t stand it.
But before that, do one thing first.
Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?
Take out all money and spend it first.
You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’
Priya thought it was true.
So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.
She looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.
Her eyes were then filled with tears.
She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.
She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:
‘This is the day I notice how much I’ve loved you thru out all these years.
How much happiness you’ve brought me.’
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?
I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter anymore after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.
P.S.: Life is about the moments you create, that u can keep it with you FOREVER. After everything is over, THAT is what we have or what we are left with.
Abdul
Ek ladki ne jor se kaha
Abdul teri maa ka bhosda, madarchod...
Paas khade sadhu ne kaha beti aisa nahi bolte hai, kya baat hui.
Ladki boli-usne mere boobs dabaye.
Baba ne boobs dabakar kaha - aise dabaye..
Ladki - haa baba, phir usne mere kapde khole.
Baba ne uske kapde kholkar bole -aise.
Ladki - haa baba
Baba - is par gali dena shobha nahi deta.
Ladki - phir usne mujhe litakar chod diya.
Baba ne chodkar bole aise choda.
Ladki - haa baba
Baba - isme bhi gali dena shobha nahi deta.
Ladki - baba usne chodne ke bad bataya ki use aids hai.
Baba :- abdul madarchod..... Teri maa ka bhosda...
Many
Sunny Leone learning Hindi!Teacher askd her 2 translate in 2 English”Chaddar dekh kr pair failana”
Sunny:
“Wherever u see a bedsheet,Just spread ur legs..!____________________________________________________________Whats The Similarity Between Sunny Deol And Sunny Leone???They Both Shout A Lot In Their Movies
__________________________________________________________________
Sunny Leone arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting…
.
Bhikhari: “Behanji 1 rupiya dedo…”
.
Sunny Loene gave him 1000 Rs.
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Secretary: “Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?”
.
Sunny Loene: “Pehli bar kisine behan kaha hai…dil bhawuk ho gaya…___________________________________________________________
Director 2 Sunny Leone-
Suhagrat ka scene hai, Dudh ka glass le ke jana h aur hero ko pilana hai.:Sunny Leone:- Agar Glass se hi Pilana tha to Hema Malini Ko le lete. !! ________________________________________________________________
Postal department has issued Sunny Leone stamps.Men are confused which side to lick and which side to stick ._______________________________
A bank was planning to use Sunny Leone’s legs as the logo for its ATM. ? ? ? ? ?Just wanted customers to know that they are open 24 hours…_______________________________€__________________________
Sunny Leone to taxi driver- Airport
chaloge??
Driver- Haan chalunga….
Sunny leone- Kya loge ?
Driver- Gareeb Aadmi hoon behenji, Paise hee lunga.
Varta Re Varta
Varta re varta
Loko gaand marta
Roj report avta
1 chokri chodani
Piki eni chirani
Chokri e bum padi
Chodina lund che k kuhadi
A.r.r.r madi......
Khavu pivu ne khodvu,
raat pade ne chodvu,
deva jevu dukh nahi,
chodva jevu sukh nahi,
kudrate aapi bhosh,
je na chode eno dosh,
je chode ene nafo,
na chode a dofo..../-/
Mitra taru naam su rakhu...
Sapnu rakhu to adhuru rese,
Dil rakhu to tuti jase,
P6i vichryu k "LODO" rakhi dau,jarur hase tyare ubho to rese...
Bangkok
Husband: honey.. Can I go to Bangkok next week..with my office friend..
Wife: sure baby why not.. but before u go I have one condition ?
Husband: whats the condition honey ?
Wife: the Conditon is.........
http://bb.ta7a.com/upfiles/ta7a-MPu03915.jpg
Indian cricket
new whats app group chat
Dhoni made a new grp on whatsapp all indian cricketers joined
Chat is as follows:
Dhoni:hey guys sssup
Virat: ishant ko kon add kiya
Raina: lol hahaha
Ishant:
Dhoni: hahahaha
Virat : chill bro m kidding
Dhoni: guys plz,decide fast who shd be in playin 11 for d nxt match...
Virat:
Rohit:
Jadega:
Ashwin: m in
Dhwan: i ll let u knw
Ishant:
Virat :
Dhoni:
Jadega: lmao ishant
Ishant: guys m serious ..gv me 1more chance..i ll bowl out faulkner on 1st ball
Jadega:
dhoni : ishant r u sure
Ishant: ya bro
Ishant was removed
Yuvi:
Ashwin:
Virat: kaliya kidhar hai
Parthiv patel :bol na bhai
Virat: abe kaliya bola batla nai
Parthiv patel:
Balaji left group
986543678 joined
986543678: hi guys
Raina : whz diz
Jadega: ab ye kisko add kia��
Dhoni: tammana
Virat lft grp
Sidhu joined grp
Dhoni : siddhu paaji ab ap he help karo nxt 11 decide karne me
Sidhu: india ke jeet matlab austrailia ke haar..
India ke jeet matlab australia ke haar..
pudhil stn virar
Nxt stn virar..
Ashwin left group
Rohit left grup
Siddhu : thoko tali Siddhu was removd
��
Ultimate
Ultimate !!!
�� Phone rings at night.
Husband: " If its for me, then say I am not at home"
Wife : " He is at home"
Husband in anger : " What the HELL?"
Wife : " SHUT UP. IT WAS FOR ME" ��
Wednesday
For all Employees"Must Read"
All of you who have seen the movie "A Wednesday".. will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s...
Manager:- Kaun ho tum..??? Kya pehchan hai tumhari ?
Unknown Employee: Kaun hoon main..!!! Mein woh hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Main woh hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta hai, Yeh soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchaan ne se inkar na kar de...
Main woh hoon jo, Aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se naa nikal de..
Main woh hoon jiski biwi use roz 10 bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
Mera haal poochhne ke liye ya kaam poochhne ke liye nahi,.. Balki woh yeh jaananaa chahti hai ki... Mein Office mein kaam kar raha hun ya pressure mein aakar kahin baithkar daru pee raha hun...
Main woh hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. woh bhi time mil jaye to...
Main woh hoon jo aksar phasta hain.. Kabhi Interviews ke sawaal me phasta hai , Kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal me phasta hai, kabhi boss ke bawaal me fasta hai.
Walk-In interview ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne... Uss bheed me se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. Main woh hoon..
I'm….. JUST A STUPID COMMON EMPLOYEE...
Non veg and veg
Non-Veg Bonanza
Santa Ko piles Ho Gaya.
Hakim: Marham Lagwane Roj Aana Padega.
Hakim Ne Usko 4Din Marham Lgaya Aur Kaha: Ab Kafi Theek Ho, Baqi Biwi Se Lgwa Lena.
Agle Din Preeto Marham Lgane Lagi To Usne Ek Haath Santa Ke Kandhe Pr Rakha, Aur Dusre Se Marham Lgane Lagi To Santa Ne Pucha: Tera Ek Haath Kandhe Pr Hai Dusra Kaha Hai?
Preeto: "Us Se Marham Lga Rahi Hun.
Santa Chonk Kr Bola: "Oh, Hakim Ki Behan Ki *****, Uske To Dono Haath Mere Kandhe Pr Hote The.!!
Non-Veg Bonanza
Question - What Is Difference Between A BOOT (Shoes) & CHOOT.?
Zabardast Answer -
BOOT Accepts Only ONE Size, Whereas CHOOT Accepts ALL Sizes..
Non-Veg Bonanza
College Me, Mam-"
Lakir ka Fakir" Muhavare ka udhahran do"
Boy"
Aap Bura to Nahi Manegi?
Mam-
Nahi Bura Q?
Boy-Aapki Panty ke andar
jo Lakir he
Hum Uske fakir hai..
Non-Veg Bonanza
ek wife ko shadi k bahut salo baad pta lga k uska husband CHHAKKA h aur usko Plastic k Lund se chodta tha....wife- tumne itni bdi baat mujhse chhupai, tumne meri zindgi barbaad kr di.....
husband- baat ko aagey na badhao, maine itne salo me kbi puchha k BUNTY & BABBLI Plastic k Lund se kaise paida ho gye? ��
Non-Veg Bonanza
Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti :
MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi..
Bachhe:
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
Non-Veg Bonanza
Beta-Papa, Ye "Sex" kya hota hai ?
Santa thinks oye bahenchod ye kya puch liya bete ne, par batana to padega.
Aftr that he says- Beta, sex me hum ladki k kapde utarte hai fir apane kapde utarte hai, fir ladki ko pas me late hai uske boobs dabate hai fir vo hamara lund chusti hai, fir hum uski gand me ungal karte hai, fir tel laga k ladki ki chut me lund dal k hum lund ander bahar karte hue use chodte hai.
Ye hota hai sex.
Beta- Admission form me kya likhu? :D
Non-Veg Bonanza
GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .... :p !
Non-Veg Bonanza
Boy: Tu kitne baje uthti hai?
Girl: Apna koi time nahi hai. Jab dil kare so jaati hoon, aur jab dil kare uth jaati hoon
Boy: Naughty! Tu bilkul mere LODE pe gayi hai.. :D
Non-Veg Bonanza
Customer- bhai saheb dettol sabun hai?
Dukandaar (lauda khujlate huye)- haan hai.
Customer- to behen k lode, us se haath dho ke 1 kilo cheeni dede.
Non-Veg Bonanza
TATA ko ab pata chala ki
NANO CAR Me 2 Problems hai..
1. Pregnant Woman andar nahi aa sakti.
And
2. Car ke andar Normal Woman Pregnant nahi ho sakti..! ;)
Non-Veg Bonanza
Doct.-Mareez ko Agar 1 ghanta pehle le aate to hum isey bacha lete.
SANTA-bhenchod, aadhe ghante pehle to acident hua, fir 1 ghanta pehle kya hospital gaand marvane laate?
Non-Veg Bonanza
Girl (During sex): Nahi ye galat hai
Boy: But I Luv U
G: Fir b galat hai
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge
G: abe chutiye jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai..��
Non-Veg Bonanza
Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: 'Translate This Sentence In Hindi - Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees'
Munni Sharmate Hue: 'Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye'
Non-Veg Bonanza
Jale hue boobs lekar Sardarni hospital me admit hui
Dr: kaise jal gaye
Sardarni: KAMINE
Tune hi to kaha tha
Bacche ko dudh pilane se pehle
NIPPAL UBAL lena!
Non-Veg Bonanza
Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di:
Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chala Karengi
Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako ......
Non-Veg Bonanza
Nawab Saab Kothe pe Gaye,
Dalte Hi Leak Ho Gaya.
Tawayaf Adab Se Boli-
Huzur Ne Q Taklif Uthai.??
Chammach Me Nikal K
Bhijwa Diya Hota,
Hum Izzat Se Andar Daal Lete....����
Non-Veg Bonanza
Heights of over-confidence:
There was a meeting of Bihar state freedom fighters.
They wanted to free Bihar from India.
Ram bhaiya raised a point...,
"We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?"
Shyam bhaiyya had a brainwave. "No problem!
We will attack America,
we will lose the war
& USA will take us over...
Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically...!
We will also become direct citizens of USA....
No more Visas & Green Cards."
All the Bhaiyas were overjoyed with this solution.....,
but an old bhaiya was not.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old bhaiya replied,
"That's all very well....,
But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America???"
Gujarati
Gujrati hova no garv karo, karan ke
1:- Total income tax ma 24% hisso Gujaratiyo no che
2:- Total daan ma 62% hisso Gujaratiyo no che
3:- Bharat ma total 15,000 goushala mathi 12,000 goushalao Gujarati samuday dwara sanchalit
4:- Bharat ma kul 50,214 Gujarati mandir athva tirth dham che
5:- Bharat ma 46% share dalal Gujarati che
6:- Bharat na vikas ma 25% yog-dan Gujaratio nu che jyare ke kul Gujarati samuday ni Sankhya Bharat ma khali 12% j che
7:- Bharat no sau thi saro neta pan Gujarati (Narendra Modi) che
8:- Ane Bharat no sau thi richest Manas pan Gujarati MUKESH AMBANI
9:- indian currency upar photo PaN gujrati no che...
Many Many
Lund ke bharose jiya nahi karte,
Chut ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,
Kuch dost bhosdike aise bhi hote hai
Jinki gand me ungli na karo toh wo yaad kiya bhi nahi karte.
To mere pagal lawdo
Sunooooo
arz kiya hai...
aalu ka paratha aur sarso ka saag.
wah...wah...
aalu ka paratha aur sarso ka saag.
wah...wah...
Mai gand marne aa raha hu, jahan bhagna hai bhaag.
*************************
arz kiya hai...
ye kaali kaali ankhe, ye gore gore gaal...
ye kaali kaali ankhe, ye gore gore gaal.....
aur sunao kaise ho, LODE K BAAL ?
*************************
Arz kia hai...
Yaara teri yaari pe mujhe shak nahi..
Yaara teri yaari pe mujhe shak nahi..
Sabne teri gaad maari...
Kya mera itna bhi hak nahi..
*************************
Arz kiya hai...
Rajwade me ud rahe the Ghode,
Rajwade me ud rahe the Ghode,
Dhyan se kya pad raha hai be Lode,
kabhi dekha hai udte hue Ghode.
*************************
Arz kia hai ke...
Wo aai apke sapno m aur apko SWAPNDOSH ho gya..
Wah-wah...
Uski bhi ijjat bach gai aur apko b santosh ho gya..
Wah-wah...
Ab has bhi le lode
*************************
Zindgi Lowdo ka pulinda hai,
chut aajkal chuninda hai,
kabhi yaad kar liya karo is nachiz ko bhi...
ye shaks sirf aapki Gaand marne k liye jinda hai.
����
Secretary
Boss-Tumari ability?
Lady secretary-
Young hu,
Dynamic hu,
Sincere hu,
Honest hu,
Hardworking hu,
Qualified hu,
Experienced hu,
Deserving hu,
Typing janti hu,
File sahi rakhti hu,
Computer me expert hu,
Thoda accounts b janti hu,
Boss: aur kuch
Lady: Disease free aur healthy hu,
Copper T lagayi hai,
7 positions aati hai,
69 me Expert hu,
aur
Sabse Jaruri Baat k
Apne flat me akeli rehti hu...!
Boss: bas kar pagli appointment se pehele promotion Legi kya?
Parsi
An old Parsi is dying & he calls his grandson to his bed: "Dikraa, aii ley, for you, my chrome-plated .38 revolver."
"But Bawaji, I don't like guns. How about u leaving me tamaaru gold Rolex watch instead?"
"Chutia, shutup & listen. Someday u have to run maaru business. Someday u gonna come home & maybe find ur fataakri bairi(wife) in bed with some other bhonsrino bhadvo. Chutmarina, what will u do then? Point ur Rolex watch at him and say "Time's up?
Bbm
Boss- pin de
Employee-abc2313
Boss- abee stapler pin mang raha hu bbm pin nahi....
Android waale aise behave kar rahe hai jaise gaav mein naya "TV" aaya hai
Micromaxx
Breaking News :
Micromax has signed Sonam Kapoor & Ayesha Takia as their Brand Ambassador..
micro & MAX
BBM Pin of Sunny Leone is 8ig8008S
Bbm Pin of Sonam kapoor: NO800BS
Wallpaper
Hard fact about youngsters....
.
.
.
.
They are always busy watching the desktop
wallpaper whenever their parents enter their room...
Vacation
Vacation ma thata kamo..
1. BP joine chaddi chikni karvi
2. Chokrio pachad bhadva ni mafak farvu
3. Koi na baira ne yaad kari kari ne divas ma 3 var muthiya marva
4. Navara betha msg karva
5. Tadka ma randvao ni jem cricket tichvu
6. Ther ther futi niklela soda shop par 3 rupiya ma 300 rupiya jevi maza karvi
7. Vadhi gayela jatha kapva
8. Badha Frndz bhega thaine koi ni ne koi ni gand marvi...
Gel chodya has nai tu pan amano j ek 6e.
������
Read it
The Cockroach Theory of
Response Vs Reaction
At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.
Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but .............it landed on another lady in the group. Now it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.
The waitress rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing the cockroach next fell upon the waitress. The waitress stood firm, composed herself and observed the behavior of
the cockroach on her shirt.
When she was confident enough, she grabbed it and threw it out of the restaurant.
Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waitress not disturbed?
She handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.
It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.
I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.
It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my
inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.
Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life. I should always respond. The women reacted, whereas the waitress responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well
thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.
Mastrubating
MASTURBATION TIPS
If you're a girl
1) Get something small if it's your first time, like a
lip gloss container. Make sure it's got a rounded tip.
2) Put a little water on it.
3) Get yourself on the ground or your bed. Make
sure you're comfortable.
4) Put your feet up on something. Make sure they
are higher than your head. Spread your legs.
5) For the ultimate experience, relax first. Just lay
there. Think about nothing. And DON'T BE NERVOUS.
6) Slowly begin to touch your breasts. Feel them
(have your eyes closed or open but if they are open
make sure you're not focusing on anything)
7) Keep one hand on your breast and slowly move the
other one down to your thigh. (I did not have
underwear but I was wearing pants and a shirt, loose
pants.) Move your hand up and down your thigh while
massaging your breast.
With your breast hand, slowly take the lip gloss
container or your object of choice. Your clit might
start to get a weird feeling like you really want to
touch it. DON'T.
9) Tease yourself with the object by gently rubbing
the spot between your poophole and vagina. This will
drive you nuts. Slowly begin to touch and massage
the part right above the hole. (I suggest you know
where it is before you start all this.)
10) Rub for a while. Gently, occasionally harder but
not too hard yet.
11) At this point you should be aching to rub harder
and just get going. Again, don't. If you do not feel
this yet, continue the teasing, very gently.
12) Slowly move your fingers to the hole, don't put
them in, but just finger it softly.
13) Take your object and place it near the hole and
your other hand. Take your free hand off the hole
and start to massage your clit harder. (That's the
spot above the hole)
14) Slowly stick the object in. Gently, it shouldn't
feel good yet. It might hurt a small amount going in.
That means you've bumped a sensitive spot. That's
not a bad thing, just angle it a little and keep going.
15) Once it's in as far as it can be without losing it
to your pussy, begin slowly moving it in and out a
little. Don't take it all the way out, just a little. Get
faster, and faster. Start massaging your clit HARD.
Go nuts. You might feel like your on the brink of an
orgasm. You might have one. This feels very good.
16) Then stick it in all the way and start pushing it
back and forth hitting the sides of your hole.
Faster, faster. Massage clit again.
17) Repeat steps 15 and 16 as much as you want. If
you take it out for longer than 30 seconds, I suggest
you excite yourself again with the teasing. If you do,
it will be worse. Since you have already done it,
you're going to want it worse.
18) I would stop with the lip gloss for now, don't go
on to something bigger. Save that for another night.
You could be sore after this but you shouldn't be
unless you used something large.
If you're a boy
1)Read this.
2)Rub penis.
HR
All salary wale ppl must read this:-----
After 2 years of selfless service, I realized that I had not been promoted, no salary increment, no commendation.
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager. The manager looked at me, smiled and asked me to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day."
I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the manager went on to explain, and here's the conversation that took place.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Me: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Me: 122
(1/3 x 366=122 days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Me: No sir.
Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days
do u now have?
Me: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Me: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Diwali ?
Me: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Me: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
(HR-HIGH RISK.)
.
.
.
So, How many days do you work ?����
Mummy
21st century kids standing in a museum, looking at a egyptian mummy with 1227BC written below..
1st kid: What does that mean?
2nd kid: Must be his BBM pin
Angreez
Ek Randi apni chut mein dettol laga rahi thi...
Uski dost ne pucha:
Behen, yeh...kya kar rahi ho...?
Randi boli: Kuch nahi, bus yuhi...
Diwali ki saaf safaai...
1 angrez Delhi se train me ja
rha tha...
.
Uske saamne ek aur aadmi baitha
tha...
.
Angrez us se puchta hai yahan
India me konsi jagah ghumne
nahi jana chahiye..???
.
Aadmi : Punjab, Hariyana, aur GUJARAT
.
Angrez : Kyun ye teen
bharat me nahi hai kya..???
.
Aadmi : Nahi ye khud me
mahabharat hain
.
Angrez : oh quite dangerous
to
go to these places. . ! !
.
.
(Few Moments later)
.
Angrez : How I will come to
know kaun sa person is jagah
se hai..? ?
.
.
Aadmi : Baitha reh... abhi 9
ghante ke safar mein sabse wakif
kara dunga!!!
.
.
Thodi der baad ek Chaudhary ji
mooch wale aa ke baithe...
.
Aadmi to angrez : Dekh bhai ye
Hariyanawi hai
.
Angrez : Mai baat kaise karu
isse ?
.
Aadmi : bas tu apni moocho pe
taav de, chaudhary khud aa ke
baat karega tujhse...
.
.
Angrez ne waisa hi kiya,
moocho pe taav diya...
.
Chaudhary utha 2 kantaap maare
angrez ko aur bola : Bina kheti
ke hi hal chalawe hai tu bhutni
ke, aur wo bhi taau ke
saamne..!!.
.
.
Angrez chup !
.
Fir thodi der baad ek Sardar
ji
aye...
.
.
Aadmi bola : Dekh bhai ye
punjabi hai..
.
Angrez : Isse kaise baat
karun ?
.
Aadmi : Baat mat kar bs pooch
12 baj gaye kya..??
.
Angrez ne waisa hi kiya
.
Angrez : O sardar ji 12 baj
gaye kya ?
.
Sardar ji ne aav dekha na taav,
utha ke patak diya angrez ko . .
Aur bole, oye tennu mai
manmohan singh lag riya c jo
kuch bolunga nahi !!!
.
Pahle se laal angrez, aur laal
ho gaya
.
.
Angrez bola : Bhai Punjab aur
Hariyana to samajh aa gaye ab
ye
GUJARAT ke aadmi se bhi milwa
do . . ! !
.
.
Abe elizabeth ki 10 ei aulad ,
tane aatli var thi maar kon khavdave 6.
...!!!��������
Waqt
Mind blowing Thought...
'WAQT Achcha Zarur Aata hai'....
.
" Bas kambakht WAQT par Nahi Aata"....!!
"Pal-Pal" taraste the Jis "Pal" k liye!
Wo "Pal" bhi aya kuch "Pal" k liye!
Socha us "Pal" ko rok lu har
"Pal" k liye!
Par wo "Pal" na ruka 1 "Pal" k liye!
So Enjoy har " PAL" of life !!...
Jab bhi tujhe zakhm laga
Maine apne kapde utaar diye
Aur
Tere jism se lipat gayi
Yahi mera kaam hai
Band-Aid
mera naam hai
Aur
Aapki soch ko salam hai
Prevent yourself and your spouse from diabetes.
A couple married for 20yrs were recently diagonised with diabetes. Findings showed they both contacted the disease as a result of the names they called each other such as honey, sweety, sugar, sweetheart and chocolate. So start calling your spouse names like kadvo ��limbdo, bitterkola, bitterlemon, Karela, methi, marchu, lasan e.t.c.
Don't laugh alone share it!!
Bra
Padded bra"s are quite like real estate ads.........
You are shown the super built up area but actual carpet area lands up disappointing you !!!
Mindless
There was a couple who had thier relationship since 5 years.
They loved each other a lot. The girl was beautiful and the boy was faithful.
One day, the girl came to the boy and showed her new pink eye lenses.
Withing a moment the boy fainted and fell on the floor.
The girl rushed him to the hospital. Special team of doctors started operating the boy. After waiting for 37 hours, the girl met the doctor. The doctor said,
"We have found alcohol in your friend's heart."
The girl got shocked and said, "But he never ever had a drink in his life, how can this be possible?"
Doctor, "Even we are going to research on it. You go to your home now, you can visit him tomorrow."
The girl hired a taxi and started thinking about the incident. Then suddenly she heard the song playing in the taxi:
Gulabi aanken jo teri dekhi,
Sharabi yeh dil ho gaya.
Kya hai na whatsapp free hai, toh logo ko kuch bhi bhejo bohot interest se padhte hai
Send it to your friends and unko bhi pareshan karo
Ekdum Fresh Hai, Abhi Oven se Nikala hai....
Employees
Years ago...
people sacrificing their friends, family, fun, food, laughter, sleep & other joys of life were called
"SANYASIS".
now they are called
"EMPLOYEES"
Sunny
Sunny leone apni chut mein dettol laga rahi thi...
Kisne toh pucha:
Behen, yeh...kya kar rahi ho...?
Sunny leone boli: Kuch nahi, bus yuhi...
Diwali ki saaf safaai...
India
India is a place where... Anyone driving faster than you is "Saala marega" . Anyone driving slower than you is " Saala garden mein chala raha hai" !! And anyone Driving Parallel to you is - "Baap se Race Laga Raha hai" !!
Cock
Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer..
Lady Next To Him-
What A Co-incidence, Even I Have Ordered Kingfisher..
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- Wat A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- Wat A CoIncidence
I Am A Farmer
From 4 Yrs My Hens Were Infertile,
Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock ��.
Lady SMILED ,
& Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!
Many
1 Sardar ne full nite sex k liye call girl ko 20000 dekar kaha:
"Meri sirf 1 shart hai ki har shot k baad 5 mnt K LIYE BATHROOM JAAUNGA!"
CALL GIRL maan gai.
Raat k 3 baje 16 SHOT k baad CALL GIRL adhmari haalat mein sardar k piche piche chali gayi, ye dekne k liye ki sardar har trip k baad zyada strong kaise ho jaata hai!
kuch dekne k baad woh behosh ho gayi.
Socho kyun?
? ? ?
Bathroom mein 20-30 sardar 1 jaisi pagdi pahne, line se nange khade the.
SINGH IS KING
A lady touchd the Horse's Penis.
Horse gt Excited, Jumped & Ran away Very Fast.
Ghode Wala:- Bhabhi ji, Ab Hamara bhi Pakdo,
Humko Ghoda pakadna hai.
����������������
BACHHAN (in KBC): ab akhri sawal 5 crore ke liye:
Jaya aur Aishwarya mein ek jaisa kya hey ???
SAnta (on hot seat thinks lot and looks at his wife,
santa replied :dono ke Nipples abhisiek ne chusey hey !!!
BIG B behosh !!!
Director and producer ran and declared 10 crore to sardar
◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾
Biwi raat m kpde utrte hue
tirchi nzar se Santa ki traf dekte hue boli:
Pta h na kya krna h?
Santa: teri aisi ki taisi
M itni rat ko kpde nhi dhounga.����
Girl (During sex): Nahi ye galat hai.
Boy: But I Luv U.
G: Fir bhi galat hai.
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge.
G: Bhosdike..... jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai !
����������������
Teacher: Bachchon batao LOVE kyun acchha hai WAR se ?
Saare students ek saath bole: kyunki condom saste milte hain talwar se.
⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔
Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli "Koi achha password batana....?"
Husband: "Lund".
Wife has-has ke chair parse gir padi kyuki computer says "Aapka pasword Chhota Hai..."
Lady: Ek shampoo please.
Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai?
Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya?
Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo.
Lady: GARNIER de madarchod. Gand ke baal dhone hai.
--------------------
Girl goes on a date.
Woried Mother gives her
Condom.
Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says :Yahi soch to badalni he Maa.
I'm Dating With Julie, so Give me Mulie
--------------
1 Ladka Gutter Me Gir Gaya...
Tabhi 1 Ladki Ki Awaz Aayi
Surf Excel Hena 'Daag Ache Hai'
Boy-Teri Maa Ka Bhosdaaa
Daag Itne Ache Hai To
Niche Whisper Q Lagati Hai ����
❎❎❎❎❎❎❎❎
Lutero ne ladki ke zevar lut
liye.
Log bole:- Shukr karo ki
izzat nahi luti.
Ladki chillai:- Tumhari maa
ka bhosda!!
izzat bech-bech k hi to zevar
liye the.
Condom
Teacher:Can we control growth of mosqitoes.
Sardar: Impossible! Enna chota Condom ban hi nai sakda or Je ban bhi jaye te machar di lulli kaun dhundega.
Diwali
Gai kale mobile ane laptop ma thi badha
nakama pictures....
nakama apps....
nakama messages....
nakama contacts....
nakama videos.....
nakama emails....
nakama viruses...
Badhu saaf Kari lidhu....
Bas thai gai aapdi diwali ni saaf safai.
Gujju
British: Can u Swim?
Gujarati : No
British: My Donkey is Better den u because It Swims.
Gujarati : Can u Swim?
British: Yes
Gujarati : Then What is the Difference between u & donkey????
British Shocked Gujarati Rocks ;) salo vadhare padti hoshiyari mare Che ..
Gutthi
Gutthi introducing BBM to AnDroid
BBM- ANDROID
ANDROID - BBM
BBM - iphone
iphone- BBM
BBM-gutthi
Gutthi-BBM
Iphone-ANDROID
ANDROID-iphone
ANDROID-BBM
BBM-BLACKBERRY
Blackberry-Baabaji ka Thullu
Krissh 3
Krrish 3 spoiler alert,
Krrish 3 will be last part in triology. In the end of the movie, Jadoo will be frustrated after listening to songs of Krrish 3 and thus will withdraw powers of both Dad and Son Hritik Roshan.
Naked
So I found out that "Get naked" is not the proper response when the cute cashier asks "Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
Saturday 12 October 2013
Many
Few classics:-
An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
************************
Cool message by a woman:
"Dear mother-in-law,
Don't teach me how to handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."
**************************
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked: "What happened son?"
Kid said: "Can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own...!"
**************************
In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on wife.
Wife: "Shoot him... Shoot him..."
Husband: "Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera...!"
***************************
What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying, and the other ensures you continue to do so...!
����������
1 bachcha mummy se boori tarah pitne k baad papa se: "Aap kabhi NARAK gaye ho...?"
Papa: "Nai beta."
Boy: "Fir itni khaufnaak cheez laye kahan se...!?"
Amdavadi
��
Amdavadni Sense of Responsibility-
A man goes to Navarangpura into a library n ask 4 a book on Suicide.
Librarian looks straight into his eyes n says,
Chopadi pachhi kon aapse?
Sachin
Most Matches in Odi :463
Most Matches in Test :198
Most runs in Test :15837 runs
Most runs in ODI :18426 runs
Most Fours in odi :2016 fours
Most Fours in test :2044 Fours
Most 150+ scores in odi :5
Most 150+ scores in test :20
Most hundreds by a batsman in Test:51 hundreds
Most Hundreds by a batsman in ODI :49 hundreds
Most Ninties in Odi :18
Most Ninties in Test :10
Most fifties by a batsman in Test :67
Most fifties by a batsman in ODI :96
Most Man of Match in odi :62
Most Man of series in odi :15
Most Balls Faced in odi :21367
Most ODI runs in a calendar year :1,894 ODI runs in
1998.
Most centuries in a calendar year :9 ODI centuries
in 1998.
Most runs scored by a batsman in ODI tournament
finals: Tendulkar 1851,
Most centuries hit by a batsman in ODI tournament
Finals: Tendulkar (6 ton)
Most Runs in world cup :2278
Most Runs in single world cup :673 Runs in 2003
world cup
Most Hundreds in world cup :6
Most fifties in world cup :15
Most successful batsman in wins :(11157 runs in
234 matches)
Most successful batsman in chases :(5490 runs in
127 matches)
Yes it is one and only SACHIN TENDULKAR.
Banker
Investment Banker was Getting Married.
During Wedding, Wife Vomits.
Husband:"What Happened ?"
Wife:"Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment."
:)
So Many
Nipple Nipple Little Star
Can I fuck U in My Car
Up above Ur Boobs So High
Always milky Never dry
Let Me Press it
Don't feel Shy
Open Ur Panty
Let Me Try
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Sexy Husband Jumps On bed in nude Position . . .
Wife: I have fever . . .
Husband : I know that,
So i have powdered my penis with Crocin
Now u decide, u want to take it orally or as AN injection . . . !!!
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Saala aaj tak samajh ni aaya
Ek poora din Shoes aur Socks pehno to pair gore ho jaate
.. par sala janam se chaddi pehni lekin,
USTAAD kaale ke kaale..
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Questions: “Why Do Men Wear Underwear?”
Answer: “As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time“
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Message - Nursery Rhyme in 2020:
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have lots of sex n thrill
Jack fucked Jill and Broke her seal,
And Jill came down Shouting
i-pill i-pill
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Bar Girl Dancing, Public Claping .
She Removes Her Top, More Claps..
..
Removes Her Skirt, Louder Claps ..
& P@nty, Total Silence????.
.
.
.
Moral : You Cant Clap With 1Hand
New Ones
Adult Questions & Answers:
----------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.
----------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
��
----------------------------------
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
----------------------------------
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
---------------------------------
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... Forward... Backward... Forward... Backward....
Forward... Stop and eject.
��
--------------------------------
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are screwed.
----------------------------------
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag
��
----------------------------------
7 qualities of a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible
Energetic
Adorable
Sweet
Truthful and
Self-Organized.
In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T. S
��
----------------------------------
Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.
---------------------------------
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.
----------------------------------
Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed.
Tarzan asked "Why"?
The animals told him......... .."Your tail is in the front"
----------------------------------
Secret of long life...
Morning two eggs, evening two pegs......and night between two legs!!
--------------------------------
TEACHER-Why Underwear is Named As Langoti in Hindi?
SARDAR-Because It Takes Care Of 1 Lund & 2 GOTI. So it called "LANGOTI"..
------------JALDI forward karo market me naya hai
Corporate
Two guys were walking through a jungle...
They saw a tiger...
One of the guys tightened his shoe lace...
The other asked,
"Do u really think u can run faster than tiger?"
He replied,
" I dont have to run faster than the tiger,
I just have to run faster than you !!! "
That's Today's CORPORATE WORLD..!!!
Wife Husband
A couple watching an IPL match on the TV together. After five minutes:
Wife: Is that Bret Lee
Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.
Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies �� like his brother.
Husband: He does not have an actor brother
Wife: What about Bruce Lee
Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian
Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No. It is called action replay.
Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter��.
Husband: He is not calling for a helicopter. It’s a free hit.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ‘ free’ hit?
Wife: Now whom is he saying ‘HI’ to?
Husband: He is signalling a ‘Bye’.
Wife: Why is he saying ‘Bye’. Is the game over������?
Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls
Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball
Husband turns off the TV .
Wife turns it on and watches ‘Saraswasti Chandra’ ������
Husband: Who is this Saraswati Cahndra?
Wife: Don’t you dare disturb me.
������
Husband:
Jim
The nightmare birthday gift!!
Its Jim's birthday, so his wife decides to surprise him, she takes him to a Strip Club.
At the club -
DOORMAN: Hey Jim! How are you?
WIFE: How does he know you?
JIM: We play Golf together!
BARTENDER: The usual beer Jim?
WIFE: And how does he know you?
JIM: He's on the Bowling Team!
HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jim?
The Wife storms out...... dragging Jim with her, into a taxi! �� ��
TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jimmy boy....You picked an ugly one this time...Same Hotel?
Today is Jim's death anniversary...��
Aurat
1 aurat kidnap hui aur kidnap karne walon ne uske pati ko phone kiya: "Agar aaj raat tak rakam na di toh hum teri biwi ka murder kar denge"
Pati khamosh raha.
Agle din phir phone aya�� "Agar aaj raat tak rakam na di toh hum teri biwi ko wapas tere ghar chhod ayenge!"
Pati: "Rakam bol kaminey, daraata kyu hai ?".
Mat Jana
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╬═╬ kuch nahi milega,,
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╬═╬ niche kuch nahi,
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╬═╬ , kyu mila kuch,,
ab itna neeche aae ho to kuch jaankaari le lo..
7 Sachai ✅ Duniya Ki !
1) Apki Aankhe aapke Jism Ka Wo Hissa He Jinhe aap Sabun Se nahi dho Sakte ! ��
2)Aap apne Baal nahi Gin Sakte ! ❎
3)Aapki Zuban �� aapke Sare Danto Ko Nahi Chhu Sakti !
4) Sirf bewkuf log Point No.3 Try karenge !
5) Aap Muskura rahe ho Kyunki Aapki Zuban Aapke Sare Danto Ko Chhu Skti Hai !!
6) Aap hans rahe ho Kyunki aap Bewkuf Ban Chuke ho !
7) Aap iss msg ko aage send karoge Kyunki aap maza lena Chahate ho, �� Dusro Ko Bewkuf banakar !!!
Chal ek Khattarnaak pj :
Japan main 2 dost they
1 ka naam tha “jo” aur dusrey ka naam tha “wo”
Ek din “jo” ke pas JIN aa gaya
“jo” ne dar kar “wo” ko awaz di
“wo” bhag kar aya to JIN ko dekh kar “wo" marr gya
;
bus usi din se hi kehte hein…
;
;
;
;
;
“JO” DAR GAYA, “WO” MAR GAYA
Dimaag ki lag gayi naa? Maine pehle hi bol tha Neeche mat jaana...
Intercaste
Dog and mosquito were in love mosquito kissed d dog,dog became emotional gave a love bite,mosq died by rabies,dog died by dengu
Moral-intercast love is dangerous
Shit
Gubbarewala: gubbare lega aaj 1 special offer hai!
Bacha: kya hai?
Gubbarewala: 1 gubbara lo toh 1 aur gubbara free..
Bacha: hmmm.. 1 kitne ka diya?
Gubbarewala: 10 ka 1
Bacha: lekin mere paas sirf 5 rs hai..
Gubbarewala: hmmmmm…
Bacha: hmmmm???
Gubbarewala: are main soch raha hun..
Bacha: kya soch rahe ho?
Gubbarewala: yahi ki kya karu?
Bacha: aap 1 kaam karo, 10 ka 1 baloon hai, aur aaj special offer hai, iska matlab 1 baloon pe 1 baloon free.. Toh 1 baloon 5 ka hua.. Toh aap mujhe sirf 1 baloon dena..
Gubbarewala: are tu toh hoshiyaar nikla
Bacha: haa, mummy mujhe baadaam khilati hai..
Gubbarewala: hmmmm
Bacha: hmmmm
Gubbarewala: Hmmmm
Bacha: mujhe bore horaha hai main ghar jaaraha hun
Gubbarewala: gubarre nahi loge?
Bacha: are main toh bhool hi gaya
Gubbarewala: koi baat nahi bade shehro mein choti galtiya hoti rehti hai
Bacha: hmmm
Gubbarewala: hmmmm
Bacha: ye lo 5 rs
Gubbarewala: ye loh gubbaaraa
Bacha: thank you!
Gubbarewala: your welcome
Bacha: mention not
Gubbarewala: mention kya hai?
Bacha: mention matlab men-shi-yun
Gubbarewala: ooooooooooh!
Bacha: yeaahhhhh..
Gubbarewala: tu toh hosiyaar hai..
Bacha: hmmm.. Thank u
Gubbarewala: welcome
Bacha: mention not..
Gubbarewala: hmmm
Bacha: wwwwH
Gubbarewala: abh "wwwwH" kya hai??
Bacha: are "wwwwH ko upside down padege toh Hmmm hota hai
Gubbarewala: ooooooooooh!
Bacha: yeaahhhhh..
Gubbarewala: mast be
Bacha: yeaahhhhh..
Gubbarewala: wwwwH
Bacha: wwwwwH
Gubbarewala: wwwwwH
Bacha: chal bore mat kar main kal aaunga…
Gubbarewala: okay
Bacha: kk
Gubbarewala: K+K = kk
Bacha: tum ko maths aata hai?
Gubbarewala: haaa
Bacha: coool
Gubbarewala: thank u
Bacha: chal bore mat kar nikal raha hun
Gubbarewala: bye
Bacha: tata
Gubbarewala: tum ghar gaye thay waapis kyun aaye?
Bacha: ye tune fata hua baloon diya.
Gubbarewala : Mutual Funds are subject to market risk Please read the offer document carefully before investing.
Bacha: hmmm
Gubbarewala : Hmmmm
Baccha: gubbare kaise diye?
Gubbarewala: phulake..
Bachha: oh hmm
I alone cant take d torture pass it to all others too!!.
Marriage
Feelings of a Married Girl...!
Here i Am siting in my Room at night
Thinking hard about life...
How it change from a careless university life
to strict in laws life.. ?
How tiny pocket money changed to
Husband's huge pocket full of salary..
But then why it gives less happiness ?
How a single plate of samosa changed
to a remaing food of kids.
but then why there is less hunger ?
How a limited prepaid card changed
to postpaid package;
but then why there are less calls and sms?
How old computer changed in to laptop
but then why there is less time to put it on ?
How a small bunch of friends changed to
mother-in-law, Brother-in-law, sister-in-law
but then why do we always feel the loneliness ?
When I Was College Going Student ,
I Never Cared About My Maa Papa :
N Now I Miss Them Like Hell.. :'
No Doubt Your Married Life may Be
THE Best But life before marriage will
always be "AWESOME"
Rajni
Person: Rajinikanthji, total how many jokes have been made on you?
Rajinikanth: only 2-3 jokes.
Person: 2-3 jokes?
Rajinikanth: Enna Rascala!! Rest all are facts!!
Rahul
Poor man to Rahul Gandhi : Sir, Diesel is very costly.
Rahul Gandhi : Big deal !!! Wear Benetton or Tommy Hilfiger instead."
Marriage
Advice to youngsters:::Forget about changing the country, once you get married you can't even change the TV channel.......
Good
A Generous Business Partner.
One day, a very wealthy man was walking on the road.
Along the way, he saw a beggar on the sidewalk.
The rich man looks kindly on the beggar and asked,
"How did you become a beggar..?
The beggar said,
"Sir, I've been applying for a job for a year now but haven't found any. You look like a rich man.
Sir, if you'll give me a job, I'll stop begging."
The rich man smiled and said,
"I want to help you.
But I won't give you a job.
I'll do something better.
I want you to be my business partner.
Let's start a business together.
The beggar blinked hard.
He didn't understand what the older man was saying. "What do you mean, Sir?
"I own a rice plantation.
You could sell my rice in the market.
I'll provide you the sacks of rice.
I'll pay the rent for the market stall.
All you'll have to do is sell my rice And at the end of the month, as Business Partners, we'll share in the profits.
Tears of joy rolled down his cheeks.
"Oh Sir," he said,
"you're a gift from Heaven.
You're the answer to my prayers.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
He then paused and said,
Sir, how will we divide the profits.?
Do I keep 10% and you get the 90%?
Do I keep 5% and you get the 95%?
I'll be happy with any arrangement.
The rich man shook his head and chuckled.
No, I want you to give me the 10% and you keep the 90%.
For a moment, the beggar couldn't speak.
When he tried to speak,
it was gibberish.
Uh, gee, uh, wow, I mean, huh?
He couldn't believe his ears.
The deal was too preposterous.
The rich man laughed more loudly.
He explained, I don't need the money, my friend.
I'm already wealthy beyond what you can ever imagine.
I want you to give me 10% of your profits so you grow in gratitude..
The beggar knelt down before his benefactor and said, Yes Sir, I will do as you say.
Even now, I'm so grateful for what you've done for me!
And so that was what happened.
He forgets where the blessings came from.
Each day, the beggar now dressed a little bit better operated a store selling rice in the market.
He worked very hard.
He woke up early in the morning and slept late at night and sales were brisk, also because the rice was of good quality.
And after 30 days, the profits were astounding.
At the end of the month, as the ex-beggar was counting the money, and liking very much the feeling of money in his hands, an idea grew in his mind.
He told himself, Gee, why should I give 10% to my Business Partner?
I didn't see him the whole month!
I was the one who was working day and night for this business.
I did all this work!
I deserve the 100% profits!
A few minutes later,
The rich man was knocking on the door to collect his 10% of the profits.
The ex-beggar opened the door and said,
You don't deserve the 10%.
I worked hard for this.
I deserve all of it And he slammed the door.
If you were his Business Partner, how would you feel..?
Friend, this is exactly what happens to us...
God is Our Business Partner.
God gave us life-every single moment, every single breath, every single second.
God gave us talents-ability to talk, to create, to earn money God gave us a body-eyes, ears, mouth, hands, feet, heart.
God gave us mind- imagination, emotions, reasoning, language.
So do we need to give back Our Business Partner something in return?
Who is the beggar...?
Surti
Lady in Train requests a SURATI KAKA:
Mara Chhokra ne jara Dhamkavo to please.
KAKA: Oye Loda !
Tari MAA ne Chodu?
Tofaan naa kar Chut maarina.
Mom: Revaa dyo Kaka, Bhale Tofaan karto...
Proposals
Have pachhi thi lagna nakki karta pehla kanya na Parivar dwara bhavishya ma puchva na sawal:
Surat & Baroda: Chhokra ne swimming avde che ?
Rajkot : Pani na hoy tyare tanker mangava no kharcho kari sakshe??
Bhavnagar : Chhokro bhavnagar university mathi to nathi bhanyo ne ?
Morbi : Std 12 ma avta koi pan ek subject nu naam kaho...����
Junagadh : Bhavisya ma sansar tyag karva ni koi ichha khari ?
Valsad : Desi pivo chho k branded ?
Navsari : chhokra na affair ketla ane tema thi atyare ketla chalu che ?
Ahmedabad : Amari dikri ek sathe 3 thi vadhu pani puri ni plate no nasto kare to tamne kai vandho kharo ?
Gandhi nagar : khotu bolva sivay politician na bija koi lakshan khara ?
Panchmahal : mobile , laptop & tablet same muki ne ......ama thi koi pan ek vastu nu naam kaho....
Mehsana : ek var "Chyo jyu" ne badle "Kya gyu" boli ne batavo.....
Kutch: Ketla bapu sathe dosti che ane ema thi ketla jail ma che??
����
Many Che
Arz karta hun bhenchod :
Lund ki awaj ko damdar kehte
hai,
fati chut ko bekar kehte hain,
Sirf chodne ka nam mohabat
nahi hota,
kisi ki yado me mutthiya marne
ko bhi pyar kehte Hai..
--------------------------------
Unki gali se guzre,to chaubara
nazar aaya,
unki gali se guzre, to chaubara
nazar aaya,
uski Maa bahar aa k boli-
gand faad dungi bhosdi k jo
dobara nazar aya..
--------------------------------
Aaj Uska Dil Phir 'DUKHA' Diya
Humne,
Apne Pyar Ka Karz 'CHUKA' Diya
Humne.
De kar Lalach Use
'ICE-CREAM' Ka,
Andhere Me Apna "LUND"
chusa Diya Humne...
--------------------------------
Dil todne ki saja nahi milti,
Dil tutne ki wajah nahi milti,
MAAL to bahut fass jaate hai
mere dost...
Bas unhey thokne ki jagah nahi
milti....!
--------------------------------
Kutumminar ko dekhker galib ka
dimag dauda.
Kutumminar ko dekhker galib ka
dimag dauda
Aasmaan ko chodne chala dharti
ka loda...
--------------------------------
Dena Hai Lund Daan Me,
Dena Hai lund Daan Me,
"AE Dost" Hai Koi CHOOT
Dhyaan Mei?
Agar nahi hai to yeh Gum ka
Ghoot Bhi pee lenge
Teri gaand mar k hi jee lenge
--------------------------------
Dilbar k hamne pyar se jo boob
daba diye.
zara gour farmaiye.
dilbar k hamne pyar se jo boob
daba diye.
Bhen ki lodi ne laat mar ke
humare GOTE suja diye.
--------------------------------
SHHAM DIYO SE SAJAYE BAITHE
HAI,
KHUSHBU SASO ME BASAYE
BAITHE HAI,
UNKI DIWANGI TO DEKHO,
GIRL FRIEND RAAT KO ANE
WALI HAI,
AUR WO DOPAHAR SE HI
CONDOM LAGAYE BAITHE Hai.
--------------------------------
Gaalib Ne Arz Kiya:
Naadan Hain Woh Log Jo
Kehte Hai Ki
Choot Per Baal Hai..
Naadan Hain Woh Log Jo
Kehte Hai Ki
Choot Per Baal Hai..
Arey..
Yeh Toh Laude Ko
Fasane Ke Liye
Bichhaya Huwa
Jaal Hain..!
--------------------------------
Arz hai
Har ek LuND Pe Likha Hai
ek CHUT Ka Nam!
Wah!Wah!
pehle sun to le lawde
Har 1 LuND Pe Likha H
1 CHUT Ka Nam!
To Fir Q nhi dete Ho Hatho Ko
aram?
--------------------------------
Door goan me ek basti thi jaha
pe randia sasti thi.
unki gand me itni masti thi
jaha dalo hasti thi.
magar aap kyu haste ho usi goan
ke lagte ho
--------------------------------
chodan chodan kare sabhi
chod sake na koye
jab chodne ki bari ayi
land khada na hoye
--------------------------------
Pesh-e-khidmat ek gazal...
Kal chodne ki raat thi,
Sab ne kia apna khada,
Kuchh ne kaha...
mera bada,
Kuchh ne kaha...
uska bada
Hum b wahin maujood the
Hum chup rahe,
Bas hans diye,
Jab hum ne
kiya apna khada
Sab ne kaha:
Oye BEHENCHOD
ITNA BADA...ITNA BADA..
--------------------------------
Na Chodo kisi ko itna
ke Uski Choot Tumhari kamjori
Ban Jaye.
Usey Chodo kuchh Iss Tarah
ke Tumhra Lund Uske Liye Zaruri
Ban Jaye..!
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