Clever Mom

One Day Anuj Invited His Mother Over To His Flat For Dinner. His Mother Came Over And Noticed Anuj’s Roomate Sonia.

Anuj Said: “I Know What You Are Thinking And We Are Just Roomates”

A Week Passed And Sonia Said To Anuj: “I’m Not Saying Your Mother Did Take It And I’m Not Saying Your Mother Did Not Take It,

But Ever Since She Came To Dinner Last Week I Haven’t Been Able To Find My Beautiful Silver Chutney Jar”

Anuj Said: “He Would Ask His Mother” So He E-Mailed Her,

Mother: “I Am Not Saying That You Did Take The Silver Chutney Jar And I Am Not Saying That You Did Not Take The Silver Chutney Jar”

Anuj’s Mother Replied Back:”Anuj I Am Not Saying That You Do Sleep With Sonia And I Am Not Saying That You Do Not Sleep With Sonia But Fact Is If Sonia Was Sleeping In Her Own Bed She Would Have Been Able To Find The Chutney Jar By Now“

What an answer

Girlfriend Ne Boyfriend Ke Shoulder Par Sar Rakh Ke Poocha,

Girlfriend: “Kab Tak Apne Shoulder Par Sar Rakhane Doge?”

Ultimate Answer By Boyfriend: “Jab Tak Teri Taagein Apne Shoulder Par Na Rakh Doon“

Sex Pe Paise

Ek Seth Bada Hi Karodpati Tha, Par Achanak Business Mein Kisi Karan Se Nuksaan Hone Se Vo Dheere Dheere Kangaal Hone Laga

Ek Din Esa Aya Ki Jab Seth Ko Laga Ki Ab Vakiye Hi Unki Haalat Bahut Khasta Hone Wali Hai To Biwi Ke Pas Gaya Aur Sir Jhuka Ke Bola.

Seth: “Golu Ki Maa, Ek Buri Khabar Hai, Ab Hum Ameer Nahi Rahe, Sab Brabaad Ho Gaya, Dhandha Chopat Ho Gaya Aur Hum Jaldi Hi Sadak Pe Ane Wale Hai”

Biwi Ne Ye Suna To Pahle Hairan Hui, Fir Sadme Mein Aa Gayi, Par Achanak Se Uske Chehre Pe Rangat Aa Gayi Aur Seth Se Boli.

Biwi: “Seth Ji, Ghabrao Mat”

Seth: “Kyu?”

Biwi Ne Uska Hath Pakda, Car Mein Bithaya Aur Ek Bahut Bade Shopping Mall Ke Bahar Le Gayi Aur Boli.

Biwi: “Seth Ji, Ye Mall Apna Hai”

Seth Ka Muh Khula Ka Khula Rah Gaya.

Biwi Fir Use Ek Bahut Bade Aalishan Bangle Mein Le Gayi Aur Boli

Biwi: “Seth Ji Ye Bangla Bhi Apna Hi Hai”

Seth To Behosh Hone Wali Halat Mein Pahunch Gaya.

Biwi Fir Use Ek Colony Mein Le Gayi Jaha Abhi Makan Ban Rahe The

Biwi: “Seth Ji, Ye Colony Bhi Apni Hi Hai”

Ab Seth Ko Heart Attack Hone Ko Hua, Aur Usne Biwi Se Puchha

Seth: “Golu Ki Maa, Ye Sab Kaise Hamara Hai, Mujhe To Kuch Bhi Samaj Mein Nahi Aa Raha?”

Biwi: “Seth Ji, Yad Karo Hum Jab Bhi Sex Karte The To Ap Har Sex Ke Bad Khush Hoke Mujhe 5000 Rupaye Dete The”

Seth: “To?”

Biwi: “Main Vo Paise Jodti Rahi Aur Ye Sab Bana Liya”

Seth Ne Ye Suna Aur Rone Lag Gaya

Biwi Ne Hairani Hote Hue Pucha: “Seth Ji, Kya Hua Aap Ek Dum Se Rone Kyu Lag Gaye”

Seth: “Golu Ki Maa, Ro Isliye Raha Hun Ki, Kash Mene Pichle 30 Saal Mein Sirf Tumhare Sath Hi Sex Kiya Hota To Aaj Ye Puri Road Aur Uske As Pas Bana Sab Hamara Hota“

Washing Machine

Ek Aadmi Apni Biwi Ke Samne Muth Maar Raha Tha.

Biwi Ne Ye Dekha Aur Apni Salwar Niche Karke Chut Pe Haath Ferte Hue Boli

Biwi: “Haye Ram Samne Washing Machine Padi Hai Aur Ye Hath Se Kapde Dho Raha Hai“

Dua

Ek Aurat Ke Pass Ek Maina Thi, Par Vo Bahut Galiya Diya Karti Thi.

Duniya Bhar Ki Har Gali Use Aati Thi, Aur Ghar Aaye Har Mehman Ko Vo Galiya Deti Thhi.

Aurat Bechari Badi Pareshan Rahti Thi, Ek Din Usne Mohalle Mein Ek Mollvi Ji Ko Apni Samsya Batayi

Aurat: “Molvi Ji, Main Bahut Pareshan Hun, Aapke Pas To Har Tarha Ka Upay Hota Hai, Iska Bhi Koi Samdhaan Do Na.”

Molvi Bola: “Arey Ye Bhi Koi Badi Baat Hai, Mere Pass Bahut Time Se 2 Tote Hai Aur Vo Bahut Hi Sharif Aur Nek Hai, Sara Din Namaz Padte Hai”

Aurat: “Arrey Wahh, Par Meri Problem Kaise Door Hogi?”

Molvi: “Tum Ek Kaam Karo, Kuch Din Ke Liye Apni Maina Ko Mere Dono Toto Ke Sath Pinjre Mein Rahne Do, Vo Bhi Sudhar Jayegi”

Aurat Ne Khushi Khushi Apni Maina Ko Molvi Ko De Diya

Movli Jaise Hi Maina Ko Leke Kamre Mein Gusa

Ek Tote Ne Dusre Ko Kohni Mar Ke Khushi Se Kaha

Tota: “Abe Uth Be Bhonsdi Ke, Hamari Barso Ki Dua Kabool Ho Gayi Hai“

True Sex

Perfect Lines By William Sexfear:

“Any Man Can Fuck Hundred Girls,

But Only A Real Man Can Fuck One Girl In A Hundred Ways” Thats True Sex.

Chuuti

Fauj Mein Ek Sainik Apne Commandar Ke Pass Aya Aur Bola

Sainik: “Sir, Mujhe Chhutti Chahiye”

Commander: “Kyun?”

Sainik: “Sir, Biwi Ki Yaad Aa Rahi Hai, Sex Karne Ka Bada Mann Kar Raha Hai”

Commander: “Hmm, Ek Kaam Karo, Apni Pent Utaar Aur Jo Samne Diwaar Par Suraakh Hai Usmein Apna Lund Daalo Aur Andar Bahar Karo”

Sainik Ne Aisa Hi Kiya, Aur Use Bahut Maza Aaya. Sex Hone Ke Baad Commander Ne Pucha.

Commander: “Kyun Ab Chhutti Chahiye?”

Sainik Khush Hote Hue: “Nahi Sahab, Ab Maza Aa Gaya Ab Chhutti Nahi Chahiye”

Commander: “Shabash, Ab Pent Utaaro Aur Diwaar Ke Piche Ja Kar Jhuk Kar Khade Ho Jao, Kuch Aur Sainik Bhi Chutti Maang Rahe Hai“

Dad

Dad: “What’s Your Result?”

Son: “I’ve Failed In Five Subjects”

Dad: “From Now Onwards Don’t Call Me Dad”

Son: “Oh Come On Dad, Its My School Test Not A DNA Test“

Gaand

Insani Jism Ka Sab Se Nazuk Hissa Hai Gaand

Thand Lage To Gaand Fat Gayi,

Garmi Lage To Gaand Fat Gayi,

Paper Na Aata Ho To Gaand Fat Gayi,

Result Aaye To Gaand Fat Gayi,

Koi Bhi Kaam Kharab Ho Jaye To Gaand Fat Gayi,

To Bhai Logo, Apne Dil Se Jyada Khayal Apni Gaand Ka Rakha Karo

Mengai

Mahnagayi Kitni Bad Gayi Hai Is Baat Ka Andaza Aap Is Cheeze Se Laga Sakte Hai Ek Callgirl Ke Darwaje Par Signboard Laga Tha Pay For 1 Side & Get Other Side Bilkul Free

Ek ya do

Maths Tchr : Batao Ki Ek Me Do Daale To Kya Hota Hai ?
.
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Ek Ladki Sharma K Boli- Madam Ye To Aapki Himmat Hai,
Humari To Ek Me Hi Jaaan Nikal Jati Hai..

Condom Kaha Rakna

A Moral Story :
One day my girlfriend invited me to her house.
I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy...
She whispered in my ear, "I have feelings for you, shall we have sex?
I immediately turned around & walked to the front door to go to my car...
I found my girl friend standing there.
She hugged me & said,"you've won my Trust".....
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: It is always better to keep condoms in the car, not in your pocket...

Bus

Chandu waitng 4 bus..

Girl in car askd- Want a LIFT?

Chandu-No thanx My home is on GROUND-FLOOR
MORAL-LOOK se kuch nhi hota,chandu,chandu hi hota hai..

Kidney Fail

Doctor to Chandu : Tamari ek kidney fail thai gai che.

Chandu pehla to bahu roya. Pachi aansu luchta bolya
.
.
Ketla marks thi:(

Plastic Lund

Biwi ko shaadi ke bahot saal baad pata chala ki uska pati chakka hai aur wo usey plastic ke lund se chodta tha.
Patni ghusse se- tum ne itni badi baat muzse chupa ke rakhi
Pati-jane do na darling q baat bada rahi ho. Itne saalo me maine tumse kabhi pucha k Pinki or Pappu plastic k lund se kaise paida huye.

Guju Eng

Grl: I talk in english only so u better talk wid me in eng only ok
Gujju Boy: thn go away,hw many %age of mine

G:Wat?

B:haa toh haalti tha ne mare ketla taka.