Cha Cha

3 Ladkiya Tange Par College Ja Rahi Thi.

Ek Ladki Ne Tange Wale Se Puchha-Irfan Chacha Bada Lund Mazaa Deta Hai Ya Chhota?

Irfan Chacha-Ladkiyo Kuch To Sharm Karo!

Dusri Boli-Irfan Chacha Please Batao Na?

Bar Bar Puchne Par Irfan Chacha Bole -Bada Lund!

Tabhi Teesri Has Ke Boli-Main Kehti Thi na ki Irfan chacha  Gaand Marwate Hain..!!! 😆😆

Chalisa

जय नरेन्द्र ज्ञान गुन सागर।
जय मोदी तिहुँ लोक उजागर।।

विकासदूत अतुलित साहस धामा।
हीराबेनपुत्र दामोदर सुतनामा।।

महावीर तुम तो पुराने संघी।
कुराज निवाड़ सुराज के संगी।।

गौर वर्ण विराज सुवेसा।
आँखन चश्मा कुंचित केसा।।

जनप्रदत्त विजयी ध्वजा विराजै।
कांधे भाजपाई अंगोछा साजै।।

अति ओजस्वी दामोदरनंदन।
तेज विकास हेतु जगवंदन।।

विद्यावान गुनी अति चातुर।
जनदुःख भार हरन को आतुर।।

प्रगति चरित्र सुनिबै को रसिया।
देशभक्त भारतीय जनता मनबसिया।।

स्वयंसेवक रूप धरि जनबीच जावा।
मुख्यमंत्री रूप धरि कच्छ बनावा।।

भीम रूप धरि दंगाई संहारे।
भारत माँ के काज संवारे।।

लाये सुराज जनविश्वास जियाये।
भारतवर्ष जन हरषि उर लाये।।

देशभक्त सब कीन्हीं बहुत बड़ाई।
तुम सर्वप्रिय हम सब कर भाई।।

सहस वतन तुम्हरो जस गावैं।
अस कहि जनमत कंठ लगावैं।।

भागवतादिक ब्रह्मादि मुनीसा।
राजनाथ जेटली सहित अहीसा।।

धनी उद्योगपति कुबेर जहाँ ते।
कवि कोविद कहि सके कहाँ ते।।

सबपर तुम तपस्वी राजा।
जनता के सकल काज तुम साजा।।

तुम उपकार टाटा पर कीन्हा।
भूमि दिलाय जग को नैनो दीन्हा।।

तुम्हरी भक्ति करें अंबानी।
महिमा अमित न जाय बखानी।।

निरंकार है ज्योति तुम्हारी।
तिहूँ लोक फैली उजियारी।।

गांधीनगर में तुम्हीं विराजत।
तिहूँ लोक में डंका बाजत।।

दंगा नियंत्रण कीन्हीं क्षण माहीं।
की शांति स्थापना अचरज नाहीं।।

दुर्गम काज जगत के जेते।
सुगम अनुग्रह तुम्हरे तेते।।

सब सुख लहै तुम्हारी शरना।
तुम शासक काहूँ को डरना।।

आपन तेज सम्हारो आपै।
छद्मधर्मनिरपेक्ष हाँकते काँपै।।

अल्पसंख्यकवादी निकट न आवै।
नरेन्द्र मोदी जब नाम सुनाबै।।

साधु संत के तुम रखवारे।
जेहाद निकंदन भारत दुलारे।।

मनमोहन राहुल नृप अति अभिमानी।
सोनिया अघभार भारत अकुलानी।।

तुम पर आशा टिकी भारत को।
दस प्रतिशत पर लाओ विकास दर को।।

तुम बिन और न कोई सहाई।
विनती करत है भारत भाई।।

तिहुँ लोक में तिरंगा जब फहरी।
विश्वगुरू भारत को भविष्य तब सम्हरी।।

आशा तरंग उठि रहि भारत मनपावन।
बरस रहि मन में आशा को सावन।।

कांग्रेस बेच रही भारत को।
कोऊ न सुनै पुकार आरत को।।

हाहाकार मच्यो जग भारी।
सक्यो न जब कोउ संकट टारी।।

शत्रुनाश कीजौ तुम आकर।
देश निहाल होई तुमको पीएम पाकर।।

पूरित सकल ज्ञान विज्ञाना।
तुम सम अधिक न जग में जाना।।

दियो आडवाणी तुमको सन्माना।
जग में छायो सुयश महाना।।

महिमा भूतल पर छाई है।
देशभक्तों ने लीला गाई है।।

गुजरात को तुमने कियो विकास।
मुख्यमंत्री बने चौथी बार।।

बनकर पीएम सम्हारो भारत को।
तुम बिन और सूझत नहिं हमको।।

जो कोई पढ़े मोदी चालीसा।
वो भारत का विकास करीसा ।।

Married

Married Man Bechara  Dukhi bhi nahi ho sakta....

Wife:
I love you baby..

Husband (softly) :
I love you too..

Wife :
Upset kyun lag rahe ho....??

Husband :
Bas thoda mood off tha..

Wife:
Doston ke saath to bade khush rehte ho,
aur mere saath hi drame..

Husband (pyar se) :
Aisa kuch nahi jaanu,
tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai..

Wife:
Haan abhi dost phone karega to 2 sec mein tabiyat theek ho jayegi..

Husband:
Dost kahan se aa gaye,
mera mood thoda upset hai bas..

Wife:
Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai,
friends ke saath enjoy karte ho,
badi has has ke pictures click karwate ho.
Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi..??

Husband (aur jyada pyar se) :
arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho..?

Wife:
Aaj sab clear hoga !!

Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu,
aisa kya ho gaya..??

Wife (khud confused) :
Jab tum khud clear nahi,
tumhe kuch pata nahi to main kya bolun..!!

Husband :
Tumhe hua kya hai ??
kis baat pe upset ho ??
Batao!!

Wife:
Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai !!

Husband:
Mere saath to tum ho!!

Wife:
Ab bohot ho gaya,
ab aur nahi!!

Husband (fully crashed) :
Hua kya hai ?
ye to bata do..

Wife:
Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte?..

Husband:
Ye baat kahan se aayi?..

Wife:
I want Divorce..

Husband:
Ok..!!

Wife (gone crazy) :
Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to,
fir tum jo marzi kar sako..

Husband:
Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi,
maine kya galat kaha..??

Wife:
Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi,
main khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se..

Husband (apne baal pakad kar) :
Mujhe meri galti to bata do..

Wife:
Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab main chali jaungi..

Husband:(confused)
Acha, to main wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka..

Wife:
Tum serious kab hoge..??

Husband:
Ab kya hospital mein admit ho jaun,
serious hone ke liye?..

Wife:
Go to hell..!!
Dont call me again !!.

Husband:(shocked)

AFTER 3 HOURS..

Wife:
Tumhe pata hai na,
main tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu,
sorry !!! I love you my baby..

Husband (Sab bhool kar) :
Acha, I love you tooo...

Wife:
Upset kyun lag rahe ho ?..............

Respect

The audience sees a Joker as a joker,

But the Joker sees himself as a performer.

No matter what others think about you,

It’s your life,

Just go on with confidence.
"I slept on benches and everyday borrowed 20/- fromr friends to travel to film city"
- Sharukh khan

"I failed in 8th standard"
-SACHIN TENDULKAR

"During my secondary school, I was dropped from school basketball
team"
-MICHAEL JORDAN

"I was rejected for the job in ALL INDIA RADIO bcoz of my heavy voice"
- AMITABH BACCHAN

"I used to work in petrol pump"
- DHIRUBHAI AMBANI

"I was rejected in d interview of PILOT"
- ABDUL KALAM

"I didn't even complete my university education"
- Bill Gates !!

"I was a dyslexic kid"
- TOM CRUIZE

"I was raped at the age of 9 "
- Oprah Winfrey

"I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of eighteen"
- Joyce Meyer

"I struggled academically throughout elementary school"
- Dr Ben Carson

"I used to serve tea at a shop to support my football training"
- Lionel Messi

"I used to sleep on the floor in friends'rooms,returning Coke bottles for food, money, and getting weekly free meals at a local temple"
-Steve Jobs !!

"My teachers used to call me a failure"
- Tony Blair

"I was in prison for 27 years"
- Late President Nelson Mandela

and here comes d "THALIVA"
"At d age of 30, I was a bus conductor"
-RAJNI KANT

"Friends, there are many such people who struggled..
Life is not about what you couldn't do so far,
it's about what you can still do. dont ever give up yr dreams.

Miss

Husband: "Jaan socha call kar loon, tum miss to kar rahi hogi?" 

Wife: "Aurr subah jo ladayi huyi thi, woh kya tha?" 
..
..
..
..
Husband: Silent ....(Saala ghar ka number lag gaya?)  

Nai Hoga

Call Girl (to 68 years old man): "Uncle,
aap ek baar try karo na!"

Uncle: "Main KAR nahi paaunga."

Call Girl: "Arre, aao na uncle, try to karo!"

Uncle aa gaye aur callgirl pe toot pade aur uski almost faad hi daali .

Call Girl: Haaye mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the-
"kar nahi paaunga"

Uncle: "Wo to main PAYMENT ke bare m bol rha tha".

Red Dot

This is hilarious...
A foreigner asked Indian Husband,
"Why Indian Women have Red Dot  on their forehead ?"

Indian replied,
"Because they Record everything.."

Sex

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you stick your little finger in it, wiggle it around, and then pull it out, which feels better—your ear or your finger?

Women

Women talk too much, but that's no problem for men bcoz male hearing is selective!

When woman says:
"This house is a mess, Honey.
You and I need to clean this
Your stuff is all on the floor
You will be without clothes
if you don't wash them now!!!"

The male ear only understands:
bla,bla,bla,bla, Honey
bla,bla,bla,bla You and I
bla,bla,bla,bla, on the floor
bla,bla,bla,bla, without clothes
bla,bla,bla,bla, Now!!

Pathan

After having their 11th child, a Pakistani Pathan couple decided that enough is enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called "vasectomy" that would fix the problem, but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Pathan said to the doctor, "Masha'Allah! I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem...."

"Trust me.... it will do the job," said the doctor.

So the Pathan went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. With one hand he held the can up to his ear and began to count with his fingers: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure has been approved by the Health Ministry of Pakistan.

40

40 SEXY MSGS

Ek aurat Dr Se: “Mera Pati 300% Napusank Hai”
Doctor Hairan Hoke: “Arrey, Wo Kaise?”
Aurat Rote Hue Boli: “Ek To Uska Khada Nahi Hota. Dusara Uski Ungli Bhi Tuti Hai. Teesra KalUs MadarchodNe Garam Garam Chai Pee Ke Apni Jibh Bhi Jala Li.“


Ek Moti Lady Ek Bar Bazar Mein Bra Lene Gayi, Aur Dukan Par Jake Bra Dekhne Lagi.
Dekhte Dekhte Achanak Boli: “Bhaiya, Wo Wali Bra Mere Size Ki Lagti Hai, Dikhana Zara”
Dukandar: “Maff Karna Bahanji, Wo Bra Nahi, Mere Scooter Ki Steppney Ka Cover Hai“


Pappu: “Mom, Aap Blouse Mein PaiseKyun Rakhti Ho?”
Mom: “Taaki Tere Papa Ko Pata Na Chale”
Pappu: “Mom Aap Bhi Na, Bechare Papa Roz Kaamwali Ke Blouse Mein Dhoondte Rahte Hai“


Ek Dukhi Lady Baba Ke Pas Gayi Aur Boli
Lady: “Baba Mera Pati Kab Sudhrenga?”
Baba: “Pati Ko Layi Ho?”
Lady: “Nahi.”
Baba: “Koi Baat Nahi, Apna Blouse Kholiye”
Lady: “Kyun?”
Baba: “Bachha, Pati Ki Hath Ki Rekhayein Dekhni Hai Na“


Apni Suhagrat Ko Pati Achhe Tarike Se Sex Kar Nahi Paya
Subha Dulhe Ki Maa Ne Bahurani Se Puchha
Saas: “Bahu, Suhagrat Kaisi Rahi?“
Bahu Udasi Se: “Maa Ji Kya Batau, Grah Parvesh To 2 Baar Hua, Par Grah Shanti Nahi Ho Paayi“


Girl Hostel Me Ek Phone Aaya – “Meena Hai Kya?”
Warden Ne Pucha – “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Wo?”
Phone Wala – “Ab Tho Pata Nahi Ji Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“


Aeroplane me ek scientist aur ek bachha sath baithe the
Sct:- Kuchh baat kare , time paas ho jayega
Boy:-Kis topic par
Sct:-Nuclear power par
Boy: Theek
he,magar pehle mere ek sawal ka jawab do ki jab Bakra, Bhaisa aur Gadha, teeno ghaas khate h,
phir Bakre ka Lund itna chhota q?
Bhaise ka itna mota q? aur
Gadhe ka itna lamba q hota h?
Sct:-what nonsense, mujhe nhi pta
Boy: bhosdiwale Pata tujhe Lund ka nhi or Baatein nuclear power ki chodni hai


Response after sex

1) call girl; paise

2) girl frends; jaldi kapde do

3) padosan; fir kab aoge

4) wife; ab 2 din kuch mat bolna

5) kamwali; ab to pagar bada do..


Suhag raat ko dulha bola: Priye bolo, aaj tujhe chand pe le jaun ya taaron me?
Dulhan: Pehle apna Rocket dikhao, phir decide karungi.


Kuware sochte hai k shadishuda ache h
Shadishuda sochte hai k kuware ache h
Fark sirf itna hai ki Shadishuda din m sochte hai or kuware raat ko...


Boyfriend1:- can i touch your boobs
Girlfriend1 :- Shut up!!!!
Boyfriend2 :- can i touch ur heartbeats
Girlfriend2 :- ooooh!! how sweet!!

Rishta wahi soch nai


Teacher: Machchhar k Katne Se Maleria hota hai Aids kyu Nahi ?

Student: Qki Machchhar Dunk Marta hai Gaand nahi. Aage se Bakchodi Wale Sawal mat Puchhna.


LIC launches a new sexy Policy Jeevan Sambhog In partnership with MANFORCE condoms and UNWANTED-72
The new punch line:- Thokne ke Saath Bhi, Thokne ke Baad Bhi.


Shop pe Ladki ne 36 ki Bra li or trial room me kameez uttar ke dukandar ko andr bulaya.

Dukandar ne Boobs dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, Wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai:

Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !!


Girl: condoms Dena..
Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e
Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra CHUTIYA paida na kare....

 
Fauji's wife daily sends her nude photo with both legs wide open ...

"Janu, I'll wait like this till you come!"

Fauji: Wo to theek hai, par photo kaun kheench raha hai??


Girl Friend: I demand gud manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Sardar climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please??


Husband is praying before going to bed ...

Wife: What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance.

Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!


The best excuse given by a lady for missing office on Monday ...

My husband took an overdose of Viagra ... couldn't leave him alone with the Maid!!


A boy comes to his class with broken spectacles ...

Teacher: What happened?

Boy: I was kissing my Girlfriend.

Teacher: But how did your spectacles break?

Boy: She closed her legs!!


What's the difference between a man & a woman ...

A man always has the same DICK between his legs all his life ...

A woman MAY NOT!!


Wife: Nashta kar lo.

Husband: Sex hi mera nashta hai & he starts sex.

Dopahar ko wife: Lunch kar lo.

Husband sex hi mera lunch hai & starts sex.

Raat ko jab husband aata hai to wife panty utaar kar
heater ke aage baithi hoti hai.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: Hawas ke poojari, khana garam kar rahin hoon!!


After operation, a girl to Dr: How soon can I resume my sex life?

Dr: You are the first patient to ask this question after tonsil operation!!


Sexy Lady goes to male gynae and says: Dr, a fly has entered my vagina.

Dr: There is only one solution. I can apply some honey on my penis and insert in your vagina. The fly will stick to penis and thus we can take it out.

Lady: Go ahead.

Dr starts.

After five minutes, sexy lady asks: Kya hua Dr, fly kab bahaar niklega?

Dr: Plan changed. I am going to drown him..


Boy- U R wearing Red Bra ?
Girl - How do u know?
Boy-Thanx 2 RAJNIKANT Eyecare!
Girl-U r not wearing underwear
Boy - Hey U too RAJNIKANT eyecare!
Girl - Chain laav aai Zavadya.
Tuza RAJNIKANT baher alaay.


Arz Kiya H

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Gaur Farmaiyega.

Wah Wah, !!!
"Sun to Le Bhosdi ke"

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Use Kehte H Jhaat K Baal...


Suhaag Raat Me Wife :
Muje Gabhrahat ho rahi Hai..

Husband : Tumhari PehLi Raat hai na IsLiye ?

Wife : Nahi Ji Raat me Pehli Baar hai IsLiye.


Pati: Sex ho jaye?
Wife:Nahi
Pati: Zewar la dunga
W:Nahi
Pati: Car launga
W:Nahi
Beta so raha tha..beech me bola: Papa meri gand mar lo par CYCLE la do...


Ladki to Dr: Bachcha 2 din se doodh nhi pi raha
Dr ne Bra me hath daala aur kafi der taK bobbs ko masal ke bola
Doodh hi nai hai
Ladki:"Main to iski Mausi hoon"


Wife: Please zara ye bra ka hook laga dijiye.
Hus: I will charge 4 kisses.
Wife: Rahne do, padosi Se free me lagva leti hu, wo haath daal kar Set bhi kar denge.


CONDOM salesman:
Condom chahiye kya???

Marwadi: kam bhav ka khushbudar rahega to de.

Salesman:
Laude pe agarbatthi ka plastic lagake chod Bhosdike...


MAUN-VRAT ke dinl
Wife ne Boobs hilake dikhaya
Husbd ne apna bahar nikal k dikhaya
Wife guse me-Mera matlb hai dudwala kab ayega
Hsbd: mera mtlab hai 1 Ghante me


Girl: What do u prefer? Breasts or Legs??
Kuljit: Choot..!
.
Girl slaps & says: "Randi Khana nahi hai Bhosdi ke, KFC ka counter hai ye"..


Jeevan ki 3 Hakiikat.

School ki Ghanti.
Garib ka Darwaja.
Jawan Ladki.

INKO JAB BHI THOKOGE

BACCHE HI BAHAR NIKLENGE !


The Most emotional line said by a girl to a boy after break-up-

"Jaanu, hilaate waqt to yaad karoge na ?


Ladki mandir me prasad lekar pandit k pair chhukar boli
koi gyan ki baat btao.

Pandit= Beti"Bra pehna karo"jhukti ho to
dhyan aur gyan
dono ki Maa chud jati he !!


Call Girl (to 68 years old man): "Uncle,
aap ek baar try karo na!"

Uncle: "Main KAR nahi paaunga."

Call Girl: "Arre, aao na uncle, try to karo!"

Uncle aa gaye aur callgirl pe toot pade aur uski almost faad dali.

Call Girl: Haaye mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the-
"kar nahi paaunga"

Uncle: "Wo to main PAYMENT ke baare me bol raha tha.


Salim: Anarkali,CAN I HAVE SEX WITH U?
Anarkali: Aapne bahut badi cheez maang li jahanpanah.
Salim: Agar woh cheez bahut badi ho chuki ho, toh phir rehne do..


SANDAS par pesh he GAZAL
 
Aaj dost kya lagi,k
hum behal ho gaye,
Hag hag k kule hamare laal ho gaye,

In ghutno me ab to dard ho gaya,
Seat pe bethna      dushwar ho gaya,

Pet me na jane kya gud gud hota he,
Ab to har pal jane ka mood hota he,

Dho dho k hamari jaan nikal gayi, 1 pichkari abhi mari thi,
Dekho dusri phir aa gayi

Puchur Puchuk Sarrar na jaane kaisi aawaze aati he,
Padosan kehti hai dhire karo, Choti baby darr jaati he.

Pain

.So much pain and agony in this World. Crimes, Corruption, Rape, MH370, etc.

And just when you think India has suffered enough, Himesh Reshamiya releases his Movie.  

Postman

A postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The town people presented him different gifts.

In one house a young lady took him to bedroom gave him good sex, a lavish lunch and 10 Rupees.

Postman asked amazingly "Why Ten Rupees"?

Lady : Actually I asked my husband what to present you,

He said "Fuck him, Just give him 10 Rupees".. But the lunch was my idea.

MORAL : Always give clear instructions to ladies..!!

Balls

Interview in a Govt department under the Handicap Quota.

Interviewer: Are you handicapped?

Guy: Yes Sir, I lost my balls in a bomb blast.

Interviewer: Ok, you are selected. Working hours will be from 9am to 5pm. Make sure that you are here at 11am everyday.

Puzzled, the guy asks:- Why 11, when the timing is from 9?

Interviewer:- It's a Govt job, first 2 hours we just sit around scratching our balls.  What the hell will you do?  😛

Ambulance

Wifr Called For Ambulance..

Operator : Aapko kya samasya hai ???

Wife : Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai...

Operator Haste hue, :
aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain ???

Wife : Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha...!!!😛😛

Su kadu

Boy- su khadhu..???
Girl- su akho divas faltu sawaal puchya kare chhe..??
Boy-Ok..to kahe k 25 feet x 45 feet lambu dhabu chhe and ema vachhe 4 column and 4 beam rakhvana chhe to column and beam ni size su rakhay and ema steel ketlu jay??
Girl- umm...dal bhat khadha..n te su khadhu..??


Management

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said: - Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's Cook the goat!!!! 

Lesson:

Management never knows which employee actually deserves the appraisal. 

Many

जब मैं छोटा था,
शायद दुनिया
बहुत बड़ी हुआ करती थी..

मुझे याद है
मेरे घर से "स्कूल" तक का
वो रास्ता,

क्या क्या
नहीं था वहां,
चाट के ठेले,
जलेबी की दुकान,
बर्फ के गोले
सब कुछ,

अब वहां
"मोबाइल शॉप",
"विडियो पार्लर" हैं,

फिर भी
सब सूना है..

शायद
अब दुनिया
सिमट रही है...
.
.
.

जब
मैं छोटा था,
शायद
शामें बहुत लम्बी
हुआ करती थीं...

मैं हाथ में
पतंग की डोर पकड़े,
घंटों उड़ा करता था,

वो लम्बी
"साइकिल रेस",
वो बचपन के खेल,

वो
हर शाम
थक के चूर हो जाना,

अब
शाम नहीं होती,

दिन ढलता है
और
सीधे रात हो जाती है.

शायद
वक्त सिमट रहा है..

जब
मैं छोटा था,
शायद दोस्ती
बहुत गहरी
हुआ करती थी,

दिन भर
वो हुजूम बनाकर
खेलना,

वो
दोस्तों के
घर का खाना,

वो
लड़कियों की
बातें,

वो
साथ रोना...

अब भी
मेरे कई दोस्त हैं,
पर दोस्ती
जाने कहाँ है,

जब भी
"traffic signal"
पर मिलते हैं
"Hi" हो जाती है,

और
अपने अपने
रास्ते चल देते हैं,

होली,
दीवाली,
जन्मदिन,
नए साल पर
बस SMS आ जाते हैं,

शायद
अब रिश्ते
बदल रहें हैं..
.ं
जब
मैं छोटा था,
तब खेल भी
अजीब हुआ करते थे,

छुपन छुपाई,
लंगडी टांग,
पोषम पा,
टिप्पी टीपी टाप.
अब
internet, office,
से फुर्सत ही नहीं मिलती..

शायद
ज़िन्दगी
बदल रही है.
.
.
जिंदगी का
सबसे बड़ा सच
यही है..
जो अकसर क़ब्रिस्तान के बाहर
बोर्ड पर
लिखा होता है...

"मंजिल तो
यही थी,
बस
जिंदगी गुज़र गयी मेरी
यहाँ आते आते"
.
ज़िंदगी का लम्हा
बहुत छोटा सा है...

कल की
कोई बुनियाद नहीं है
और आने वाला कल
सिर्फ सपने में ही है..

अब
बच गए
इस पल में..

तमन्नाओं से भर
इस जिंदगी में
हम सिर्फ भाग रहे हैं.

कुछ रफ़्तार
धीमी करो,
मेरे दोस्त,

और
इस ज़िंदगी को जियो..
खूब जियो मेरे दोस्त..... ।।

Fresh

फ्रेश माल....

लेडी डॉक्टर: शर्माओ मत, मैं डॉक्टर हूँ, सिर्फ बताओ क्या प्रॉब्लम है? मैं खुद चेक करुँगी।
पठान: मेरी पत्नी को लगता है, मेरे लण्ड का स्वाद फ़ीका है।
😀😀😛
जीतो :सुहागरात को बोली: इतनी देर मुंह में लेकर चूसा लेकिन आपका खड़ा ही नहीं हुआ।
संता: जीतो तू हट जा, हाथों के भूत होंठो से नहीं मानते।
😛😛
पिंकी अपनी माँ से बोली' "आपने जो बेड दिया है, वो लंबाई में छोटा है।"
जीतो: तुम अब बता रही तो शादी के 6 महीने बाद?
पिंकी: टाँगे तो अब सीधी हुई हैं।

दूल्हा: इस घर में रहना है तो थोड़ी कंजूसी करनी पड़ेगी।
दुल्हन: तो फिर इतना सारा तेल लंड पे क्यों लगा रहे हो, हमारे वहां तो ये काम थूक लगा के भी हो जाता था।

एक लड़के की सुहागरात थी, वो बड़े ही आराम से सेक्स कर रहा था।
लेकिन उसकी बीवी जोर-जोर से चीख रही थी।
लड़का हैरान होकर बोला: तुम इतना क्यों चीख रही हो?
बीवी बोली: बाहर तेरे दोस्त खड़े हैं, चूतिये तेरी इज्ज़त रख रही हूँ।


Attitude

Please read carefully and relate these 10 Commandments  with our life....
you may enjoy more... 

That is attitude

1) Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.

2) When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish.Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!

3) Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till ending.

4) Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge?  Remember you are the architect of your life.

5) Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.

6) It is not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.

7) Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, `Relax dear it’s just a bend. Not the end'. Have Faith and have a successful life.

8) When you feel sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, `Damn I am really so cute` and you will overcome your sadness.

9) One of the basic differences between God and human is, God gives, gives and forgives. But human gets, gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life!

10) Only two types of persons are happy in this world. First is Mad and second is Child. Be Mad to achieve what you desire and be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved.

Modi Sarkar

Boy trying to  kiss Gal  in a car

Boy: jaanu 1 baar
sirf 1 baar

Gal: It's ok pehele bolo
Ab ke bar modi sarkar 

Thappad

Ma - Tu 6ota tha to bilkul Kejriwal jaisa tha..

Beta - Kya me Roz Dharna karta tha?

Ma - Nahi, Roz 1 Thappad khaata tha...
😆😆😆😆

Cock

Man In Bar orders a kingfisher Beer..

Lady Next To Him-
What A Co-incidence, Even I Have Ordered Kingfisher..

Man- I'm Celebrating.

Lady- Me too.

Man- Wat A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?

Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.

Man- Wat A CoIncidence
I Am A Farmer
From 4 Yrs My Hens Were Infertile,
Today All Laying Eggs

Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?

Man- I Used A Different Cock 🐓.

Lady SMILED
& Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!;)

Baba

Girl to baba: Baba yeh LUND kaisa hota hai?
Baba:Koi Chota,Koi Lamba, Koi Mota, Koi Patla, Koi Sakht or Koi Narm.
Girl: Baba Lagta hai sari umar gand marwate rahe ho

Many Shayari

वो हर बार अगर रूप बदल कर न आया होता,
धोका मैने न उस शख्स से यूँ खाया होता,
रहता अगर याद कर तुझे लौट के आती ही नहीं,
ज़िन्दगी फिर मैने तुझे यु न गवाया होता

रिश्ते काँच की तरह होते है,
टूटे जाए तो चुभते है.
इन्हे संभालकर हथेली पर सजना
क्योकि इन्हे टूटने मे एक पल
और बनाने मे बरसो लग जाते है
"सामने ना हो तो तरसती हैं आँखे,
बिन तेरे बहुत बरसती हैं आँखे,
मेरे लिए ना सही इनके लिए आ जाओ,
क्यूंकी तुमसे बेपनाह प्यार करती हैं आँखे."
जाम पे जाम पीने से क्या फायदा दोस्तों, रात को पी हुयी शराब सुबह उतर जाएगी, अरे पीना है तो दो बूंद बेवफा के पी के देख, सारी उमर नशे में गुज़र जाएगी.

"किताबों के पन्नो को पलट के सोचता हूँ,
यूँ पलट जाए मेरी ज़िंदगी तो क्या बात है.
ख्वाबों मे रोज मिलता है जो,
हक़ीकत में आए तो क्या बात है."
"कहती है दुनिया जिसे प्यार, नशा है , खताह है, हमने भी किया है प्यार , इसलिए हमे भी पता है, मिलती है थोड़ी खुशियाँ ज्यादा गम, पर इसमें ठोकर खाने का भी कुछ अलग ही मज़ा है"
ये मौत भी अजीब चीज़ है दोस्तों एक दिन
मरने के लिए पूरी जिंदगी जीना पड़ती है.......
"लोग कहते हैं पिये बैठा हूँ मैं,
खुद को मदहोश किये बैठा हूँ मैं,
जान बाकी है वो भी ले लीजिये,
दिल तो पहले ही दिये बैठा हूँ मैं"       
"उनकी नजरों में छुपा आज भी एक राज़ था,
वही चेहरा वही लिबास था,
कैसे यारों उनको बेवफा कहदु,
आज भी उनके दॆखनॆ का वही अंदाज था."
"लम्हे जुदाई को बेकरार करते हैं,
हालत मेरे मुझे लाचार करते हैं,
आँखे मेरी पढ़ लो कभी,
हम खुद कैसे कहे की आपसे प्यार करते हैं."
"कुछ लोग सितम करने को तैयार बैठे हैं,
कुछ लोग हम पर दिल हार बैठे हैं,
इश्क को आग का दरिया ही समझ लीजिये,
कुछ इस पार तो कुछ उस पार बैठे हैं."
"आंसुओसे पलके भिगा लेता हूँ,
याद तेरी आती है तो रो लेता हूँ,
सोचा की भुलादु तुझे मगर,
हर बार फ़ैसला बदल देता हूँ!"
"दिन  घुटे  घुटे , शामें  धुंआ  धुंआ  हो  गया,
और  रातें , इंतज़ार  की  तेरे  दास्ताँ  हो  गया, 
कहाँ  से  ढूंढ़कर  लाउ   सकुन दिल  का  अपने,
ज़िन्दगी  जब  दर्द  की  एक  दास्ताँ  हो  गया."
"वो आँखो से यूँ शरारत करते हैं,
अपनी अदाओं से यूँ क़यामत करते हैं,
निगाहें उनके चेहरे से हटती ही नही,
और वो हमारी नज़रो से शिकायत करते हैं."
"नही है हमारा हाल,
कुछ तुम्हारे हाल से अलग,
बस फ़र्क है इतना,
कि तुम याद करते हो,
और हम भूल नही पाते."
"तुमसा कोई दूसरा जमीन पर हुआ. तो रब से शिकायत होगी …. एक तो झेला नहीं जाता दूसरा आ गया तो क्या हालत होगी"
"आपकी अदा से हम मदहोश हो गये
आप नॆ पलट कर देखा तो हम बॆहोश  हो गये
यही एक बात कहनी थी आपसॆ
ना जाने क्यूँ
आपको दॆखतॆ ही  हम खामोश हो गये ..."
"प्यार में मैंने सब कुछ खोया सिर्फ तुझे पाने के लिए,
दुनिया से भी खूब लड़ा सिर्फ तुझे अपना बनाने के लिए,
आज नहीं तो कल अगर तूं मुझे भूल जाओगी,
तेरी यादों को हम जलायेंगे सिर्फ तुझे भुलाने के लिए."
आज किसी की दुआ की कमी है, तभी तो हमारी आँखों में नमी है, कोई तो है जो भूल गया हमें, पर हमारे दिल में उसकी जगह वही है.

"आज हम हैं, कल हमारी यादें होंगी.
जब हम ना होंगे, तब हमारी बातें होंगी.
कभी पलटो गे जिंदगी के ये पन्ने,
तो शायद आप की आँखों से भी बरसातें होंगी."
"जानकार भी तुम मुझे जान ना पाए, आजतक तुम मुझे पहचान ना पाए, खुद ही की है बेवाफाई तुमने, ताकि तुम पर इल्ज़ाम ना आए"
"कुछ खोये बिना हमने पाया है,
कुछ मांगे बिना हमें मिला है,
नाज़ है हमें अपनी तक़दीर पर
जिसने आप जैसे दोस्त से मिलाया है."
"फिजाओं में तुम हो
घटाओं में तुम हो
हवाओं में तुम हो
बहारों में तुम हो
धूप में तुम हो
छाँव में तुम हो
अब तुम ही बताओ मेरी जान
क्या तुम किसी भूत से कम हो."
"कभी-कभी मेरे दिल में ख्याल आता है कभी-कभी मेरे दिल में ख्याल आता है तुम होती तो यह कहती,तुम होती तो वो कहती इस बात पर हँसती,उस बात पर नाराज होती शुक्र है तुम नहीं हो,"
"एक सा दिल सबके पास होता है,
फिर क्यों नही सब पे विश्वास होता है,
इंसान चाहे कितना ही आम क्यूँ ना हो,
वो किसी ना किसी के लिए तो ख़ास होता है."
"काश  कुछ  ऐसा  हो  जाये,
SMS इन्कमिंग  भी  चार्जेबल  हो  जाये,
मेरे  दोस्त  चिल्ला-चिल्ला  कर  मुझे  मनाकरें,
और  मुझे  उनकी  जेब  ढीली  करने  में  मज़ा  आ  जाये।"
"सोचता हूँ सागर की लहरों को देख कर,
क्यूँ ये किनारे से टकरा कर पलट जातें हैं,
करते हैं ये सागर से बेवफाई,
या फिर सागर से वफ़ा निभातें हैं."
"सुरज कॆ सामने रात नही होती,
सितारो सॆ दिल की बात नही होती,
जिन दोस्तो को हम दिल सॆ चाहतॆ है,
न जानॆ क्यो उनसॆ मुलाकात नही होती"
"तेरे दर पे सनम हजार बार आयेंगे….. तेरे दर पे सनम हजार बार आयेंगे….. घन्टी बजायेंगे और भाग जायेंगे."
"आपकी याद में मैने कलम उठाई लिया कागज, तस्वीर आपकी बनाई, सोचा था दिल से लगा के रखूँगा उस तस्वीर को, पर वो तो बच्चों को डराने के काम आई. :) :) :)"
"बातें करके रुला ना दीजियेगा,
यूं चुप रहके सज़ा ना दीजियेगा,
ना दे सके खुशी तो ग़म ही सही,
पर दोस्त बना के यूं भुला ना दीजियेगा।"
"अपनी तो मोहब्बत की इतनी कहानी है, टूटी हुई कश्ती और तैरता हुआ पानी है, एक फूल किताब में दम तोड़ चुका है, मगर कुछ याद नहीं आता यह किसकी निशानी है."
"डूबते हैं तो पानी को दोष देते हैं, गिरते हैं तो पत्थर को दोष देते हैं, इंशान भी क्या अजीब हैं दोस्तों.... कुछ कर नहीं पाता तो किस्मत को दोष देता हैं."
"दोस्ती तो एक झोका हैं हवा का,
दोस्ती तो एक नाम हैं वफ़ा का...,
औरो के लिए चाहे कुछ भी हो,
हमारे लिए तो दोस्ती हसीन तोफा हैं खुदा का."
"चाँद पर काली घटा छाती तो होगी सितारों में चमक आती तो होगी तुम लाख छुपाओ दुनिया से मगर अकेले में तुम्हें भी अपनी शक्ल पर हँसी आती तो होगी."
चाई में से उढ़ते धुवे में तेरी तस्वीर नज़र आती है,
और इन्ही खयालो में अक्सर चाई ढंडी हो जाती है.

सुना था कभी किसी से ,ये खुदा की दुनिया है, मोहोब्बत से चलती हैं,!!
करीब से जाना तो समझे,ये स्वार्थ की दुनिया हैं,  बस जरुरत से चलती हैं !
"निकले जो दुनिया की भीड़ में तो ये जाना है, निकले जो दुनिया की भीड़ में तो ये जाना है, दुखी है हर वो शख्स, जिसे आज फिर काम पर जाना है."
"वो मेरी किस्मत मेरी तकदीर हो गयी, हमने उनकी याद में इतने ख़त लिखे कि, वह 'रद्दी' बेचकर ही अमीर हो गयी."

Rally

प्रेमिका : डार्लिंग किसी ऐसी जगह ले चलो जहा कोई भी ना हो
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प्रेमी : तो चलो आज राहुल की रेली में चलते है... 

Village

Three women from a village saw a drunk lying face down in the mud so they rolled him over to see who it was. He
had so much mud on his face he was unrecognizable so
one of the women unzipped his pants, looked at his
dick and said "He's not my husband."
The second woman said "No, he's not."
The third woman said "He's not even from our village."

Bapre

Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand??
Salesman: Rs.18,000/-
Girl: "bapre"
Girl: and iphone?? . .
Salesman: "bapre" + "bapre"+ "bapre"
Girl:   
Salesman: 😆 😆      😋 😋=))

Matrimony

Bharat matrimony new punch line --

हम उन्हे मिलाते हैं,

जो अकेले में हिलाते हैं ..

English

Wife : ek vaat kahu?
Husband  : Bol ne gaandi, 1 nahi 2 vaat keh ne....😀
Wife : Tame mara kaan ma English ma mithu mithu bolo ne..

Husband : salt..salt..salt..


Gaand

evi Nakkami vastu kai 6, je Vagar Kaam ni tamara Land sathe jodayeli hoy chhe..?
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Tu POTE, bhosdina.!!.

Measure

Which is the only Indian MEASURE UNIT that describes time, length, liquid, weight, heat, light, power, noise etc. everything at minimum? 
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"ZHAAT JETLU "

😎

Sunny

Sunny Leone ka pura info
Born Name : Karenjit Kaur Vohra, Nick NameSunny Leone,
Karen
Age : Sunny Leone was born on May 13, 1981Sun

Sign Taurus,Born PlaceSarnia, Ontario, Canada

Nationality : Canadian / American Education Leone completed her schooling in 1999 from a Catholic school and enrolled herself in a college afterwards. She studied pediatrics there.

Occupation
Former p*rnographic actress, Bollywood actress, businesswoman Build Voluptuous

Height5 ft 4 in or 163 cm Weight54 kg or 119 pounds

Boyfriends / Girlfriends
She had relationships with -
*.Monique Alexander*.
Daniel Weber – Married in 2011*.
Avena Lee (2005)*.
Jezebelle Bond (2005)*.
Lexi Marie (2005)*.
Lacie Heart (2006)*.
Daisy Marie (2006)*.
Lux Kassidy (2006)*.
Brea Lynn (2007)*.Courtney Simpson(2007)*.Criss Angel (2008)

Ethnicity Indian
Hair Color Black
Eye Color Light Brown

Distinctive Features*. Huge breasts*. Sexy body*.Beautiful face

Measurements : 36-24-34 in or 91.5-61-86.5 cm

Bra Size : 34DD
Shoe Size : 7½

Brand Endorsements
As a p*rn star, she was endorsed by one of the c*nd0m company. Now, she has been endorsed by an Indian mobile company called Chaze Mobiles in 2012. She has also endorsed In besharam.com’s Besharam brand. Sunny Leone promoting Chaze Mobiles Religion Sikh

Best Known For Working in the p*rnindustry.

First Bollywood Film2012 erotic thriller film Jism 2, which is a sequel of 2003 film Jism. She did the role as Izna.

First Indian TV Show
She appeared in the 5th season of Indian reality TV series Bigg Boss in 2011.

Personal Trainer
Ekta Kapoor has hired  4 trainers for Leone to make her perfect in acting and fitness. She did so for her upcoming movie Ragini MMS 2.Sunny Leone Facts

1.She was named Penthouse magazine’s Pet of the year in 2003.

2.As a p*rnographic actress, Leone had worked for Vivid Entertainment in the past.

3.According to Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD), she has directed 42 adult films and starred in 41films.

4.Her father was born in Tibet, but was raised in Delhi, India. While her mother is from Sirmaur, Himachal Pradesh, India.

5.During her school time, when she was 11, she had her firstkiss.

6.When she was 13, her family relocated to Michigan, USA. A year later, her family then shifted to California.

7.She lost her virginity to a basketball player at the age of 16.

8.At the age of18, she discovered her bisexuality.

9.She has been athleticsince her childhood and used to play street hickey with boys and also did ice-skating.

10.Before choosing her career as a p*rn star, she had initially worked for German bakery, a Jiffy Lube (achain which offers oil changes and related automotiveservices), and tax and retirement firm.

11.During college, Leone’s classmate (who was an exotic dancer) introduced her to an agent who in turn introduced Leone to  penthouse photographer.

12.Sunny is her real name and Leone was kept by Bob Guccione, aformer Penthouse magazine owner.

13.She has appeared in Indian reality show Bigg Boss 5, by entering the house at 49 in 2011.

14.Sunny Leone’s mother died in 2008 and her father died in 2010 due to cancer.

15.Her favorite actor is Salman Khan.

16.sunnyleone.comis her official website.

****kamino....kabhi school me itne dhyanse ek chapter bhi pura padha tha kya??????

Shugatrat

Thought of the day

Suhaagraat ko agar ladki ne neeche k baal saaf nhi kiye to samajh lena ki shaadi uski marzi k khilaaf hui hai.

Minister's

 Can't stop laughing.....

Imagine if there should be sex ministers..
Name of Sex Minister
world wide

Name of Russian sex Minister-
Zaberdasti Boobpresski

SriLankan sex Minister-
Suck MyLingam

Chinese sex Minster-
Gand Soong Li

Pak sex Minster-
Shake Myboob

Kenya sex minìster-
Ogand Me Bambu

sex minister of america-
Roz Mary Marlow

Sex minister of England-
Brown Ass Markele

Sex minister of bangladesh-
Myboob aa Shake Hasina

Sex minister of S.Arabia-
Shake Bin Maki Chut Abuka Bulla

Indian sex minister-
Gotya Lal
😅😛

Loda

Ek popat hato eno ek pag dabave to e bole  cha Leo bijo dabave to bole pani lo ek manase bev pag sathe dabavya  to e bolyo tare gand loda hu padi jaat.

Weight

A daughter Visited Her Parent's Home.
When she opened the Refrigerator, she Found A Picture Of a Supermodel In a Bikini.
Daughter : Mom, What's This?
Mom : Oh.. I put up That Pic which Reminds Me Not To Overeat.
Daughter : Is It Working?
Mom : Yes And No. I've Lost 9 kgs. But Your Dad has Gained 22 kgs. !!!


Shugatrat

Thought of the day

Suhaagraat ko agar ladki ne neeche k baal saaf nhi kiye to samajh lena ki shaadi uski marzi k khilaaf hui hai.

Men

Few naughty but true facts

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra.
A boy is grown up when he starts
removing it!!

2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realise that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes!

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with few friends is nice, But having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS!

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't
guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!!!

5.Arguing over a girls bust size is like choosing between Kingfisher, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser.Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.....p

Love

Part-III avo hoy...

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💭  

💭     
          
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  🏇
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  🏇  ubhi re bhoshrini..

  🚘🏇

  🚘 mare tane chodvi che..

  🚘 Tara bap no mal samjyo 6 ..

  🚘hal ne maja avse..

  🚘💭💭ahhh... Ahhhh....

  🚘ahhhhh...ahhhh...

  🚘 ahhhhh...ahhhh...

  🚘 ahhhhh...ahhhh...

  🚘💭 ahhhhh...ahhhh...
Yessss...yaaa

   🚘

  🚘🏇

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Salo bhoshrino chodi ne bhagi gayo..  