Gaand

Joke of Ganpat Rai...

This is the ultimate ...you would almost die laughing!!

Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the Britishers and the Anglo Indians too, this actually comes across as a bit 'dirty' but if you try hard and get the accent right, you will have a laugh!!

Poor Bihari villager named GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher Colonel Smith

Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!!

Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!! (very nervously)

Col. Smith: Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha hua hai Gand fat rahai (in anger)

Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga (innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai...??
(tum delhi me rahta hai)?? (general enquiry)

Bihari: Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi! (very innocently)

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai...Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum daily marata hai.(yet again, enquiry in anger)

Bihari : Theek hai mai baap, likha hai to marata honga.

The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do. (innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari biwi ko chodo (drop her off)... baad mein hamaari beti ko chodo... aur uske baad mein hum ko chodo. (delieverables for the day)

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, aapki biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
(hmmm, yeh kya karne ko bol raha hai angrej ki aulad )

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. (angry )

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
(na, mere maalik na )

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. (naukri daaav par lag gayee hai ab to !)

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. (finally wilfully surendered)

After a few minutes  Col.Smith's wife is alone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to tie the knot behind. So......

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, hamara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro- tie the bra knot)

Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai....Maalkin??

Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.

Ganpatrai: Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Sarkar ne to chodne ke liye kaha tha...Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife: Gand fatrahai, pahle gaand maro phir chodna.. Aur agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum.

Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull.

Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts...
GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!

Ganpatrai : Memsaab...
gaand maarega to gaand to phatega he.....