Ek aurat Train me bache ko apna dudh pilate hue bar bar bol rhi thi ki,jaldi pilo varna baju vale uncle ko pila dungi,
Chandu: o jaldi decide kar tere chakar me 5 station age aa chuka huuuuuuuu !!!!!!
teacher:What is d difference Between Landline & Mobile?
Chandu Again at His Best: Landline ka Number Hum Ungli se Dial karte hai Aur Mobile ka Anguthe se..!
Unmistakeble features of GUJJU
1. Every autowala, taxiwala, grocerywala is our kaka.
2. We never go to office, we go to HOFFIS!
3. The first rule of money - never use your own!
4. "Su nava juni" is our version of wassup?
5. Be it seven in the morning or 1am, gaathiyas are always welcome.
6. We keep an "ELARAM" to wake up in the morning.
7. No party is over without a round of GARBA.
8. We call all types of noodles "Meggi"!!!
9. When someone asks about a person, we say GENTLEMAN MANAS CCHEY
10. We have a PhD in bargaining by birth.
11. We can speak any language of the world in Gujarati!
12. We don't have feelings, we have FILLINGS!!!
13. Jai Shri Krishna = Hello and Good bye
14. All our conversations begin with kem 6, maja ma ne, and end with, koi saaru investment batavo ne...
15. We shout our guts out on international calls, thinking they can hear us better that way.
16. Swimming is not for us - we call it chhabchhabiya.
17. For us electricity never goes - only light does!!!!
18. We don't call people, we COAL them.
19. Sensex interests us more than sex.
20. Chhas is our beer!
21. We are everywhere, all over the globe - deal with it...
22. We go to movie HOLE and take outside SNAKES for refreshments.
23. Mount Abu is Switzerland.
24. If a gujju starts Koffee with Karan, he would name it "Chhas with Chhagan".
25. A true gujju looks forward to eat Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese and Undhiyu at the cousin's wedding.
26. At least 50% of your contacts on you phone book end with the word BHAI.
27. Being Punjabi means more chapati, less rice; being Mallu means less chapati, more rice. Being Gujju - just eat more yaar, shu farak pade 6.
28. Gujjus believe Narendra Modi is the solution for everything - from fashion style to nation's progress.
29. Vile Parle and New Jersey feels like home - Apduj 6...
30. We will spend 1000 rupees for a 10 rupee free gifts, free ma male, etle maja aavi jai.
31. We eat home made theplas with chhundo and athanu on business class flight.
32. We can do Garba on any song in the world.
33. Falguni Pathak is Britney Spears for us.
34. After having chaat, bhelpuri, sevpuri, we make sure we ask for extra puri, and then a discount.
35. Order soup 1 by 2, u get more quantity - be smart.
36. If it is beeg (big), edible and free, go on dude, eat it...
37. Bombay+Gujarat+London+ America = whole world. Nothing else exists for us.
38. Everyone is invited to a Gujju home for lunch, and fed like you have come from the groom's side.
39. If all of a sudden you hear a dhoom machale ringtone or a loud scream or a loud chit chat amongst a group, immediately assume that you are amidst Gujjus.
40. Hindi humko jara bi nahi faata hai.
41. 15 or 50, your parents will always refer to you as their baby or babo.
42. CATBURY is the generic name for chocolate.
43. We take the constitution very seriously, everybody is called bhai and ben.
44. If you do not go for Navratri, you didn't exist.
45. We all own Reliance collectively.
46. Dandiya is our Prom.
47. You pack according to a 5 night 6 day holiday when going for a one day picnic.
48. Time spent at a party - Dancing (10 minutes) Chitchat (10 minutes) Dinner (100 minutes)
EK ANGREJ GUJRATI SIKHVA GUJARAT AAVYO. 15 DIVS TE KOI NANA GAMDA MA RAHYO.
AAKHRE TENE BE VAKYO SIKHI LIDHA..
1 > HASHH LIGHT AAVI GAYII...
2> BHOSDINI PACHI VAI GAI...
A biker spots a girl who's just abt 2 jump off a bridge.He asks her,
'do u mind givin me a final kiss b4 u jump?'
She kisses him deeply.
Boy-Wow! Thats a real talent u are wasting.Why r u commiting suicide?
She replied-My parents don't like me dressing like a girl.
The biker jumped off the bridge...!!!
Boy-Taro bhav su 6e?
Girl-200 Bed par,100 Sofa par,50 Ghas par
Boy-Le 200 rupiya
Girl-Paisadar lago 6o?
Boy-Na Lodi VERAVAL no chu Ghas par 4 var Chodis.
Ek Din Kisi Party Mein
Daaru Jyada Pee Lene Ki
Vajah Se Ek LadkeAur
Ladki Mein Ladayi Ho
Gayi
Ladki Boli:
" Mera Naam Hai
Chikni,
Meri Choot Bhi Hai
Chikni,
Pair Rakhe To Fisal
Jaye
Tu To Kya Tera Baap
Bhi Na Chod Paye"
Ladke Ne Jawab Diya:
" Mera Naam Hai
Babbar Billu
Mera Lund Hai 56
Killo
Dharti Pe Rakho To
Kunwa(Well) Khud
Jaye
Tu To Kya Teri Maa
Bhi Cudd Jaye
A boy was very sad in class.
The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
he answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Teacher had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.
While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Boy : 9, maam!
Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Boy : 36, maam!
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at teacher and tells her,
"I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "
Teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my
own questions. Can I ask him ?"
The principal and Boy both agreed.
Teacher asks: What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy : Legs, maam!
Teacher : What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?
Boy : Pockets!
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy : Coconut!
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft And sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy . was taking charge )
Boy : Bubblegum, maam!
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer )
Boy : Shake hands!
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of
questions, okay?
Boy : Yep!
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy : Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.
Boy : Wedding Ring, maam!
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy : Nose!
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver. What is it?
Boy : Arrow!
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy : Firetruck!
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
& if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy : Fork!
Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It's
longer on some men, than on others,
the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?
Boy : SURNAME!
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible
for making love ?
Boy : HEART, maam!
The principal a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher :
Principal: Huh! send this Boy to IIT!!! Even I got
the last ten questions wrong myself!
Chandu : Mane ek Condom aapo
Dukandar: Kevo?
Chandu : Sugandh walo pan ekdum sasta ma sasto!
Dukandar:Ek kaam karo,aa agarbatti nu plastic lai javo mofat ma!! :
Sexy Girl in sexy voice: Batao mere underwear me kya hai??
Batao??
Batao na?
Bapu-(At his best)
.
.
.
Elastic hi hoga..aajkal nade wali kaun pehenta hai?
Lady: Doctor mere lips pe infection hogaya hai.
Doctor: KISS kitni bar karti ho?
Lady: Saal main 1 baar!
Doctor: Infection nahi "ZANG" lag gaya hai.
Secretary: Sir aap muje naukri se nikal
toh nahi rahe??
Boss: Nahi, par tumhe kisne kaha?
Secrtary: Wo aapne Cabin se sofa aur
Bed hatwa diya na Isliye,
Miss: Batao Bacho! Hansne Ka Opposite Word Kia Ho Ga?
Girl:'SEX'
Miss Gusey Se: Kese?
Girl: Hansna Hota Hai
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Aur Sex Hota Hai
aH aH aH aH !!!
Bhojpuri Hsbnd Suhagrat ko Apni Biwi Se Bola-
Aaj to HM tohaar Maa Chod debe.
Bhojpuri Biwi Apna Ghagra Utha k boli "auur ee k ka tohaar Baapu aai k Chodi"
Grl-Kyo ro rhe ho?
Boy-Maine aj tak sex nhi ki
Grl-Ro mat mujhe chod lo.
After sex
Grl-kyo has rhe ho,
Boy-maine aise hi ro-ro k sara mohalla chod diya
Hakim sex ka goli bech raha tha.1 goli lega 1 feet lamba, 2 goli lega 2 feet lamba.
MAMA- baba 3 goli lunga to? Baba- Madarchod ladki chodega ya boring khodega?
Girl- Tu Mara Mate Su Kari Ske 6e?
Boy- Bol Su Kru?
Girl- Mara Mate Chand Todi Lav
.
.
Boy- Pachi Pruthvi Ni Farte Kon Taro Bapo Aanta Marshe?
One night chandu asked his gf : Darling, are you free tonight?
Gf shouted-DAMN, HAVE I EVER CHARGED YOU BEFORE?
Chandu Jyotishi pase gya ne chopdi batavi
Jyt= nam chandu ?
C=Haa maharaj
J=2 dikariyu 6?
C=Ji maharaj
J=Jesal sathe parniya 6o"?
C=wah Maharaj wah.
J=atyare 5 liter kerosin lai ne aya 6o?
Chandu(page lagi ne)=tme to antaryaami 6o maharaj
J= doba, aa ration card muki aay.. ne kundli lai aay..
Wife-Nange Q Ghum rhe ho?
Padosi apka Lund dekh Lenge,
Pati-Usse kya hoga?
Wife-Wo sochege mene tumse sirf Paise k Liye Shadi ki Hai
Ek din 1 lady tota kharidne gyi..
Lady- iski kya khasiyat h?
Dukandar- ye bolta h..
Lady ne Tote se pucha- main kaisi lagti hu?
Tota- Saalli luz character lagti h..
Lady- ye to bahot batmiz tota h.
Dukandar tota andar le gaya or zor se pani me duba k pucha, bol ab gaali dega?
Tota-nai kabi ni dunga..
Wo use bahar le gya or lady se kaha ab puchiye?
Lady-agar mere ghar pe 1 admi aye to tum kya sochoge?
Tota-apka pati h.
Lady-agar 2?
Tota-apka pati aur dever.
Lady-agar 3?
Tota-pati, dever aur bhai..
Lady-agar 4?
Tota-pani le aao bhai, maine to pehle hi kaha tha saali luz character h...
SOCHO SABHI BADI COMPNIYA CONDOM BECHE TO:
pepsodent Condom-
Raat Bhar Dishum Dishum...
Colgate Condom-
Ye H Hamara Suraksha Chakra...
Nokia Condom-
Conecting People...
MRF Condom-
Xtra rubbar, xtra mileage...
Moov Condom-
Aah se ahah tak...
Mirinda Condom-
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage...
Godrej Hair Dye Condam-
Kato, kholo aur lgao...
Sprit Condam-
Bujaye only pyas baki All bakwas...
Tata sky Condam-
Isko laga dala to life jingalala...
Gujju Rocks:
We never say 'Apde mota thai gaya' we always say 'Shirt tuku thai gayu' :D
The world say: Save electricity, Save water, Save nature. But v always say Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya :p
Masala cha is our gujju version of red bull ;)
For us, electricity never goes, only light does. 'Mummy light gayi' :p
Only we can do garba on summer of 69 ;)
Hindi hamko jara bhi nahi favta hai :p
We never go to our 'office' we go to our 'opis' :D
We keep an 'elaraam' to get up in the morning :p
We call all types of noodles 'meggie' =D
We have a PhD in bargaining by birth ;)
We don't call ppl, we 'coal' them :>
Towel = toovaal :D
Boomer is not a chewing gum, its a 'Cheengam' :p
We eat home made theplas in a business class flight ;)
15yrs or 50ys, your parents will yet refer to you as their 'Babo' or 'Baby' :D
Neil Armstong landed on moon & found 2 men R already there.
He asked, 'Who R you?'
They replied, 'Camera man Santosh w/ Deepak Chaurasia Aaj Tak.'
jijaSali Se : Agar Me Tumhe Kiss Karu To Tum Kya Samjhogi..
Sali : Me Samjhungi Pagal JIJU BANGKOK Gaya Aur Sirf Airport Se Hi Vapas Laut Aaya..
