Gujarati

Teacher : " Seema kapde pahen chuki he "
aa vakya ne gujrati ma bolo.
           
Student : Bhenchod moda padya. !!!!

Nigaah and zanazza

NIKAAH & JANAAZA........

The difference between a wedding and a funeral ! (FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA)

Teri doli uthi,
Meri mayyat uthi,
Phool tujh par bhi barse,
Phool mujh par bhi barse,
              FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
              Tu saj gayi,
              Mujhe sajaya gaya.

Tu bhi ghar ko chali,
Main bi ghar ko chala,
               FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
               Tu uth ke gayi,
               Mujhe uthaya gaya.

Mehfil wahan bhi thi,
Log yahan bhi the,
                FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
                Unka hasna wahan,
                Inka rona yahan.

Qazi udhar bhi tha, Molvi idhar bhi tha,
Do bol tere pade, Do bol mere pade,
Tera NIKKAH pada, Mera JANAAZA pada,
                FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
                Tujhe APNAYA gaya,
                Mujhe DAFNAYA gaya..

Santa

Fighter pilot Santa, kamyabi ke baad apna Plane land karne pe bahut khush hua....Niche utarne pe ground staff ne usey turant welcome kiya aur uski wardi utarne me help karne lage....
Santa (fakr se): Aaj maine Pakistan ke 4 jahaaz, 2 helicopter or 1 tank ko mara hai....
Ground Staff: Wo sab to theek hai lekin sir ji apne1 galti kar di....
Santa :Kaun si galti?..Ground Staff: Bas aap isi khushi me Pakistan me hi land kar gaye hain!!

Husbands

HUSBAND SENT A SMS TO WIFE:Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living.

You're Great.

SHE REPLIED :Pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao..
DARO MAT..
KUCHH NAHI BOLUNGI..! !

Horoscopes

Enjoy your horoscope for 2014 :

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) You are practical and persistent. You are one lazy motherfucker. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned rapist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You km a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

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BB

Gf pings Bf on chat : call kr bc balance khtm ho gya hai.

It took 15 minutes for boy to understand bc means Because !!
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