Friday 29 March 2013

Osama vs Obama in Gujarati

Osama Laden - poem in Gujarati

EK HATO OSSAAMAA..😜

PADIYO MOTAA LOCHAAMAA😔

PAADYAA TOWER AMERICAMAA😱🗽😱

PACHI BHAAGYO GUFAAMAA😨😓

BOMB PADYAA GUFAAMAA😳😡

TOYE BACHI GAYO OSSAAMMAA😝

PAKISTAN KAHE AAVIJAA ANE RAHE MOJ MAJAAMAA🍔🍝🍻🍡🍧

KOY NAHIN AAVE AHIN TAARI KHOJMAA😉

TYAAN AAVYO OBAAMAA👽

AKKAL HATI E DOBAAMAA👿

GOTI LIDHO OSSAAMAA😜

GOLI MAARI DIDHI MAATHAAMAA🔫

ANE NAAKHI DIDHO DARYAAMAA🏄

MARI GAYO OSSAAMAA💐

RAAJI THAYO OBAAMAA🍻

BADHAAYE JOYUN TV MAA..📺

LIGHT BILL CHADI GAYUN NAFAAMA. 💡

MESSAGE VAYCHO MAFAT MA ANE FORWARD KARO WATSAPP MA😜

BAAKI TAME KEM CHO? ?

MAJAAMAA? ?👍

Spelling Mistake

One spelling mistake can destroy a marriage! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word, "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her ! 😜

Chodo

Khavu pivu ne khodvu,
raat pade ne chodvu,
😃😃😃😃😃
deva jevu dukh nahi,
chodva jevu sukh nahi,
😃😃😃😃😃
kudrate aapi bhosh,
je na chode eno dosh,
😃😃😃😃😃
je chode ene nafo,
na chode a dofo..../-/
😃😃😃😃😃
Mitra taru naam su rakhu...

Sapnu rakhu to adhuru rese,
Dil rakhu to tuti jase,

P6i vichryu k "LODO" rakhi dau,jarur hase tyare ubho to rese...😜😂😂😝😝

Wednesday 27 March 2013

Varieties of Wife

Most Dangerous Thing in the world =


###################
Varities of Wife:

AALSI wife:
aaj kapde utaarne ka mood nahi, aise hi kar lo

GUSSE WALI biwi:
Don't cum in my mouth nahi toh kaat lungi.

CHHEDNE Wali wife
Jab me college me thi to mera bf 4-5 baar kar leta tha

CONFUSED wife:
Do me from behind...
no no it will pain aage se hi karte hai.

SELFISH wife:
mera ho gaya,
main so rahi hun.

SHAKKI wife:
Aaj theek se nahi kar rahe kahin baahar kar k aaye ho? .

BHuKHI wife:
wapas kitni der me taiyaar ho jaoge
Doggy style me karenge

Heaven

A Man dies, In heaven he sees a large wall full of Clocks. He asks a angel: What r these for?
Angel: These r d Clocks, every person has a lie clock, Whenever U lie on earth, clock moves. Man points towards a clock n asks:Whose clock is this?
Angel says: Swamy Vivekanand's. It never moved showing that he never told a lie.
Man asks: Where is Sharad Pawar's clock?
Angel replies:That's in our Office. We use it as TABLE FAN

Tuesday 26 March 2013

Karan Johar

Karan Johar's car breaks down on his way to his studio.

He manages to hitch a ride from a truck driver. Karan notices that there was a monkey seated near the drivers feet.

After a while, the driver slaps the monkey & the monkey gives the driver a blow job.

A short while goes by & the driver slaps the monkey again & gets another blow job.

The driver notices Karan watching him with concern,so he asks: Try karna hai, kya?

Karan replies: "Haan, par thappad mat maarna"

Sunday 24 March 2013

Sheeeer

शेर अर्ज है ।
मौहब्बत के सिवा और भी गम है जमाने में,
जरा गौर फरमाइये,
कि मौहब्बत के सिवा और भी गम है जमाने में,
अगली पंक्ति पर लाइक चाहूंगा
कि मौहब्बत के सिवा और भी गम है जमाने में,
चुद का भौसडा बन जाता है, पैसा कमाने में ।

Daru

Husband
came home drunk.
To avoid
wife's scolding,
he took a laptop &
started working.

Wife:
Pi ne avyo che ?

Husband:
Na mari ma...

Wife:
Gadheda, to pachi suitcase kholi ne su type kare che. ? 😜😂😀😜

Baraf

Geography Teacher: India Me salbhar Sabse Zayda Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???

Awesome Reply By Student:- "Daaru K Glass Me.."😝😎🍻🍻

Kabotaar

Sharing with you... - Ek bacha pdosi se : Uncle aunty raat ko kabutar ko Dana dalti hai kya

Uncle : nahi beta kyu ?

Bacha : phir raat me aah aah aah aah .. kyu karti rahti hai

Hitler

Heil HITLER

During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape as may French women as they could then say, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!"

So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully went out and raped a pretty young French girl. He said, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!" She replied, "In a few weeks you will have a disease. Name it syphillis. Vive la France!"

Love Story

Ek student ko apni classmate se pyar ho gaya
.
Ladke ne use prapose kiya Lekin ladki ne
inkar kar diya
Or
teacher ko uski complain kardi
.
Teacher ne ladke ko kaafi daanta or 1 week k
liye class se nikal diya..
.
.
.
Jab 1 week baad ladka wapas class me gaya
to Ladki ko us se pyar ho gaya..
.
Ladki ne us ladke ki book me likha:"I m sorry
and I love u too
.
Ladke ne koi response nahi diya
.
Isi tarah 4 saal guzar gaye
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Moral:"bewkoof ladki itna bhi nahi samajti
Ladke kabhi books nahi kholte hai... 😜 :/ 😮

first bad word

I first abused when I was in 6th standard. A student tried to snatch my bench and I said Bench chod..!!!😂

Einstein & a Gujju

Einstein & a Gujju sitting next to each other on a long flight..
Einstein says,"Let's play a game.. I will ask you a question,if you don't know the answer,you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer,I will pay you $500.."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon..?

Gujju doesn't say a word,reaches his pocket,pulls out a $5..

Now,it's the Gujju's turn..

He asks Einstein: What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends.. After an hour he gives Gujju $500..

Einstein going nuts and asks: Well,so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Gujju reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5.. 😄😄😄

Einstein fainted...😜😝😆😄😂

Saturday 23 March 2013

Goti

Santa ki 1 goti 🔵 neeli ho gayi

Dr.: Zeher fail gaya hai katni ✂ padegi.

kuchh din baad dusri bhi neeli 🔵 ho gayi.

Dr.: Jeher jyada fail gaya hai dusari bhi katni 🔪 padegi

kuchh aur din baad 🍆 bhi neela pad gaya.

Dr.: Agar zinda rehna hai to isey bhi katna ✂ padega.

🍆 kaat kar uski jagah plastic ka nul laga 🔧🔩 diya.

kuchh din baad plastic ka nal bhi nila 👾 pad gaya....

Dr.: Ab tumhari bimari samajh me aa gayi tumhari chaddi rang chhod rahi hai.

Kabutaar

Sharing with you... - Ek bacha pdosi se : Uncle aunty raat ko kabutar ko Dana dalti hai kya

Uncle : nahi beta kyu ?

Bacha : phir raat me aah aah aah aah .. kyu karti rahti hai

Kabutaar

Sharing with you... - Ek bacha pdosi se : Uncle aunty raat ko kabutar ko Dana dalti hai kya

Uncle : nahi beta kyu ?

Bacha : phir raat me aah aah aah aah .. kyu karti rahti hai

Friday 22 March 2013

Male Organ

A Male's most important Organ supposedly as described by some of the most beautiful women of the world at the Miss Universe Contest.


INDIA
Question: Ms India, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms India: Well, I can say that Male Organs in India are like labourers.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms India: Because they work day and night...
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)


SINGAPORE

Question: Ms Singapore, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms Singapore: Well, I can say the Male Organs in Singapore are very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Singapore: Because they always want to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before
the show is over...
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)


MALAYSIA

Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton Cars.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia: Because they look tough but are actually very soft...
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)


KUWAIT

Question: Ms Kuwait, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms Kuwait: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Kuwait are like thieves.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Kuwait: Because they like to enter through the back door...
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)


PHILIPPINES

Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that Male Organs in our country are like gossips or rumours.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Philippines: Because they pass from mouth to mouth...
(Applause! Applause! Standing ovation!)


SPAIN

Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms Spain: Well, I can say that Male Organs in our country are like our very own
Fighting Bulls or Toros.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Spain: Because they charge in every time they see an opening...
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)


USA

Question: Ms America, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that Male Organs in our country are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because they stand up every time they see a woman.
(Applause! Applause! Applause!)

Thursday 21 March 2013

PJ's

Deadly pjs...

Pls...
scrol down at ur own risk...
Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :)

Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??
Socho...............

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Want one more...

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold

(Chain ki saans - D'cold )

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

Q11. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?

Ans:- Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Ek aur..

Q12. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?? think harder...

Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha... Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe

Q13. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???

Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!:s.
This Joke will destroy your power of thinking..
What do you call a Cow Dancing? . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.




"Guidance.."!
Akbar and one Gujju were best friends..

The Gujju went to a Masjid for the 1st time with Akbar.
Akbar enters the Masjid and says:
"Allah hu Akbar"

Gujjubhai thodi waar vichar kari ne :
"Allah, 'hoon' kanji Patel!" 😛

Tuesday 19 March 2013

Self Control

Whenever in life u are losing self control-:




Just think about the camera man in porn movies. :p

Monday 18 March 2013

Fuck

One of the most interesting word in English language is the word
.
.
"FUCK"
.
.
It's one magical word with which it can describe pain, hate, love and pleasure at times..!!

In english language it falls into many grammatical categories. .

1)VERB

a) Transitive : Pappu fucked Pinki😜

b) Intransitive : Pinki was fucked by Pappu😜

2) NOUN

Pinki is a fine "FUCK"😝

3) Adjective

Pinki is "fucking" beautiful😝

Beside the sexual meaning this word has following uses :

Fraud : I got fucked by the asshole😖

Ignorance : FUCK..!! If I know😏

Trouble : I guess I am fucked now😵

Aggression : FUCK U..!!😠

SYMBOL :

........................./´¯/)
......................,/¯..//
...................../..../ /
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
.........\.................\/..../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\

Displeasure : What the FUCK is going on here..??😱

Difficultly : I can't understand this FUCKing job..😰

Incompetence : He is a FUCK OFF..!!😷

Suspicion : What the FUCK is going on..!!😡

Enjoyment : I had a FUCKing time😛

Request : Get the FUCK out of here😜

Greeting : How the FUCK are you??😁

Apathy : Who gives a FUCK ??😉

Surprise : FUCK..!! U scared the shit out of me😶

Anxiety : Today is really FUCKed..!!
😜😜😂😂😜😜😂😂😜😜😂😂

Surti at London

Dis is a classic..a life tym read..
The best joke till date.
At London airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address System: "Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! pls report to Reception".

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, & shouts loudly to d English receptionist.

D following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: "MadarChod ! I am Ranchhod.."

Receptionist: "Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not d name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.."

Ranchhodbhai: "Arrey Bhenchod, I m NOT Madar chod !!!"

Receptionist: "So r u Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod ? Is ur surname Ben or Chod ?"

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed) "Chootia taari ! I m Ranchhod.."

Receptionist: "Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Tari then ?"

Whenupon a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception and says: "Were u calling me ?"

Receptionist: "Who r u?"

Chinese Guy: "I m Choo Tia.

Saturday 16 March 2013

Test

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?













Answer:
"bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said bread, go to Question 2


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?









Answer:
Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3...


3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?









Answer:
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the hell are you still reading these?? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.


4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East and West Germany) Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or "no man's land"?












Answer: You don't bury survivors, you twit!!! If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.


5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London , 17 people get on, in Milford , 16 get off. Name the driver.














Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you..

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions.

Gujju Rocks

Einstein & a Gujju sitting next to each other on a long flight..
Einstein says,"Let's play a game.. I will ask you a question,if you don't know the answer,you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer,I will pay you $500.."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon..?

Gujju doesn't say a word,reaches his pocket,pulls out a $5..

Now,it's the Gujju's turn..

He asks Einstein: What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends.. After an hour he gives Gujju $500..

Einstein going nuts and asks: Well,so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Gujju reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5.. 😄😄😄

Einstein fainted...😜😝😆😄😂

Friday 15 March 2013

Letter

Awesome~Letter to the Business Head of a Company by a employee.

Dear Chodu,
Pehle Yeh bata kaun madarchod target set karta hain?
Maa ke laudey, juniors ki maiyya chud jaati hai. Upar se bhenchod review toh aise karte ho jaise apni maa ke balatkaar ka badla le rahe ho...! Aisa target banaya hain jaise tumhare yahaan toh bhosdiwale sab performer hi janme hain!
Tera baap bhi is target ko pura nahin kar paayega. Upar se incentives toh aise deta hai jaise apni salary se de raha hai, Chut maarike tu kabhi baahar mil bhadwe...teri gaand me bandh chatri daal ke nahi kholi na...mera naam badal dena!
Yours faithfully,
(Tere jaisa lund thodi hun jo apna naam likhunga)😛😂

Marriage

Some global opinions on marriages .....

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Mike Tyson

The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
-Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Shaquille O'Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Tommy Lee

IT

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess
what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this
gorgeous girl in a bar." "What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place to have dinner and
drink. We had dinner with a couple of drinks then she
suddenly asked me to make her feel special" "You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy. "I then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my
new laptop." "Really? You got a new laptop? What configuration?" "It's a 8 GB RAM, 3 Ghz Intel i7 3rd gen processor, 1 TB
SATA Hdd 7200 RPM, 16' LED capacitive. screen, Windows 8
pro, NVIDIA GT graphic card with 2GB dedicated ram latest
dual layer blueray drive and mobile internet connectivity
card and....." "Awesome laptop man!"
Chal bye Aur Haan kal laptop jarur le ke aa.

Heart

Jigna: " I am having heart surgery today"
Jignes: " I know
Jigna: I love you
Jignes: I love you more, much more
After surgery, she wakes up n sees only her father besides her
Jigna asked her father " where is jignes"
Father: U dont know who gave you the heart?
Jigna: What ? ( starts crying)

Father: " hahahahaa majaak karu chu gaandi, Jignes sandaas gayo che"=D =))

Wednesday 13 March 2013

Vaseline

PAPPU Apne Liye Ek Purani Bike Dhund Raha
Thha.
Ek Din Use Aisi Bike Mili Jiski ConditionBilkul
Nayi Se Bhi Achhi Thi.
Usne Use Kharidte Samaye Uske Malik Se
Pucha: “Yaar, Ye Itni Nayi Kaise Lagti Hai?”
Malik Bola: “Ek Vesline Ki Dibbi Hamesha Apne
Paas Rakho, Aur Jese Hi Barish Shuru Ho Iske
Uppar Vesline Laga Do Hamesha Nayi Jaisi Hi
Rahegi.”
Nayi Jaisi Bike Leke Usne Apni Girlfriend Ko
Dikhayi Aur Usko Ghumane Le Gaya.
Vapis Jab Use Ghar Chhod Raha Tha To
Girlfriend Boli Ki Aaj Raat Ko Tum Hamare Ghar
Par Hi Dinner Karo.
PAPPU Man Gaya.Aur Bike Ko Stand Pe Laga Ke
Jaisi Hi Ander Jane Laga To Uski Girl Friend Ne
Ek Ajeeb Baat Batai.
Wo Boli: “Hamare Ghar Mein Khana Khane Ke
Time Par Jo Bhi Kuch Bolega Use Ghar Ke Saare
Bartan Manjhne Padte Hai, Isliye Khana Khate
Samaye Kuch Bhi Mat Bolna.”
Uski Baat Sun Kar Ok Bola, Par Jaisi Hi Ander
Ghusa Dekh Kar Hairan Rah Gaya, Ghar Ke Har
Kone Mein Juthe Bartno Ka Dher Laga Hua Tha.
Bina Kuch Bole Dining Table Pe Beth Gaya,
Sabhi Log Chupchap Khana Khane Lage, Koi
Kuch Nahi Bol Raha Tha.
PAPPU Ka Dimag Ab Kaam Kiya Aur Usne Moke
Ka Fayada Uthate Hue ApniGirl Friend Ko Kiss
Kiya,
Uske Kapde Utarne Shuru Kiye Phir Wo Dono
Khana Bhul Kar Sex Mein LagGaye.
Woh Dono Jameen Par Hi Sex Karne Lage Par
Koi Kuch Nahi Bola.
Uski Girl Friend Ki Maa, Uska Baap, Uski Behen
Sab Ye Tamasha Dekh Rahe The.
Par Bartan Manjhne Ke Darr Se Sabhi Chup The.
Girl Friend Ko Achhi Tarah Chodne Ke Baad,
PAPPU Ne Uski Behen Ko Bhi Chodna Shuru Kar
Diya Par Koi Kuch Nahi Bola.
Jab PAPPU Uski Maa Ko Chod Chuka HiTha
Tabhi Jor Se Barish Hone Lagi, Aur UseApni
Bike Ki Fikar Hone Lagi.
Usne Tezi Se Jeb Mein Hath Dala Aur Vesline Ki
Dibbi Nikali Hi Thi Ki. Ladki Ka Baap Chilla Kar
Bola
Baap: “Nahi Nahi, Mein Bartan Manjhne Ke Liye
Tyaar Hun..“

Lode


girl went for sex change operation.her friends & relatives were waiting anxiously.When she came out, she shouted: "Lavde lag gaye!!!
Teacher : Dog. Student : Bark.
Teacher : Cat. Student : Meow.
Teacher : Lion. Student : Aahh, aahh, c'mon. Teacher : I said Lion, not Leone.

condoms

Husb: Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa...??
Wife: What. . .?? Where. . .??
Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily saying: "I will kill you if u dont stop calling our children - Torn Condoms":p

Bar

A gujju lady visited a bar for the first time,
she sat on the table in front of d bartender;
A guy at her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy at her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "
D bartender looked at d lady, said ,"and u?"
Lady replied," Pushpa Patel, Married"...;-)

Monday 11 March 2013

Fridge

One morning at a doctor's office a
patient arrives complaining of serious
back-pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him
-"OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I
work for a local night club, right? This
morning I got home to my apartment
early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew
someone had been with my wife and
the balcony door was open. I rushed
out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the
balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing
himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw
it at him, That’s how I strained my
back."
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he
has been in a car wreck. The doctor
said "My previous patient looked bad,
but you look terrible. What the hell
happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been
unemployed for a while now. Today
was the first day at my new job. I
forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the
building, getting dressed at the
sametime, and you won't believe it but
I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even
worse than the other two Patients do..
The doctor is shocked. Again asks,
"What the hell happened to
youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge nd some
one threw it from the 3rd floor"......

Wednesday 6 March 2013

Golf

A woman playing Golf, hit a man near by, He put his hands together between his legs, fell on ground & rolled around in pain.
She rushed to him, and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor, reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away, unzipped his pant & put her hands inside.
She massaged tenderly for a few minutes & asked:
"How does it feel?
He replied "Feels great, but i still think my THUMB is broken";) :����

Tuesday 5 March 2013

Cake

On wife's b'day, man ordered a cake on phone.
Salesman: Wat msg to put on d cake?
Man: Write "Getting older but U R getting better."
Salesman: How do u want me to put it?
Man: Well.. put "U R  getting older" at the top and "but U R getting better" at d bottom.
When d cake was unveiled all guests were aghast at d msg.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!"
Moral:- Don't order cakes over phone......

Darling

Someone asked an old man:
"Even aftr 70yrs, u still call ur wife
Darling, Honey, Luv.
Wats the secret??
Old man:I forgot her name 10 yrs ago and I am scared 2 ask her

Divorce

Sardar & his
wife went for
Divorce:

Judge: U have 3 kids.
How wil U divide them ?

Sardar discused wid Sardarni
&
said
ok, Sirji
We will come Next Year

Saturday 2 March 2013

3000 Rs

Sardar Delhi k ek kothe pr gaya & bole: Muje Rita se milna hai.
Mousi: Wo ek baar k 1000 Rs leti hai,
Sardar: No prblem.
Sardar ne Rita k sath sex karke 1000 Rs de diye.
Next day fir Rita se sex krke 1000 Rs de diye.
3rd day b sex k bad 1000 Rs diye,
Rita: bade dildar ho kahan se aye ho?
Sardar : Ludhiana se.
Rita: waha to meri behan b rehti hai.
Sardar : Malum hai usi ne 3000 Rs diye the aur kaha tha meri behan ko de dena.
This time Sardar rocks..! 