Leads

Boy in Church : I have sinned.
Father : What's it my son?
Boy : Father, I slept with a Married Woman
Father : I get such confessions often, was it Suzy from Gary Apartment?
Boy : No Father
Father : Pamela from Palm Garden?
Boy : No
Father : Rachel from Vila Building?

Boy runs out of the church & meets his friends.

Friends : Did you confess?
Boy : No, but i have got some SOLID LEADS 😜

Pussy

Banta: Why are You Hospitalised?

Santa: Padosan ki BILLI mere MURGE ke Peeche Padi hui thi. Maine Uske Husband ko English mei Bataya Usne Mujhe Bahut Maara.

Banta: Aisa Kya Bataya?

Santa: 'Control Your Wife's Pussy. She is After My Cock!' !!!

GUJARATI ROCKS

A GUJARATI having no children, no money, no home and a blind mother Prays sincerely to God for improving his life style..
God is very pleased with his prayer, and Grants him one wish........... just
one !!!!!!!!!!!!
The Gujarati says OK God, thanks, my one
and only wish is -
'I want my Mom to SEE my wife putting, Rupees twenty million worth of diamonds around my Child's neck,
in my Mercedes Benz parked near the swimming pool of our new 5 acre
bungalow in Beverly Hills'

GOD: Damn it ! I still have a lot to learn from these Gujaratis 😆

accident

A Sardar was caught by police.

Police: How did you kill 20 people?

Sardar: Main gaadi tez chala raha tha par jab maine brake lagaya, toh pata laga ki brake fail ho gaya hain.
Phir main ne samne dekha toh ek taraf 2 aadmi ja rahe the aur dusri taraf 1 barat ja rahi thi. Ab tum batao main gaadi kidhar modta?

Police: Of course, jis taraf 2 admi the. Nuksaan kam hota.

Sardar: Exactly............................................................................................................................................................................................ Maine bhi yahi socha tha par woh 2 aadmi meri gaadi dekh kar barat me ghus gaye..!!👳😀😆

Pathan

Pathan bhi ajeeb cheej hai ..
Gusse mein bole to darr lagta hai kahin maar na de..
..Pyaar se bole to darr lagta hai kahin maar na le..

Ego

Why does it take a MILLION sperms to Fertilize One Egg ?

1) Female Ego : Rejection without Reason!

2) Male Ego : Won't Ask For Direction!

Wah

Example of "Bin maange mile Moti, maange mile na bheekh..."
After wife's delivery, husband asked the nurse "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
Nurse replied "Meet me in 20 mins."
Cheers!!!

Girls Hostel

Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pine ke baad gali bakta tha : mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne baal ?

Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal ki phas jayega jivanlal.
3 dino tak sun ne ke baad..

Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega jivanlal !

Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vesmol ne kiya kamal.
Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye jivanlal !!!

Beijjati

Solid Beijjati:
.
.
Ek Doctor ne naya clinic khola.
.
.
Thodi daer bad ek Aadmi aaya.
.
Doctor ne apne aap ko busy show karne k liye telephone kareceiver uthaya aur appointment denay k andaz me bolne laga.
.
Fir phone rakne k baad...
.
Doctor Aadmi se: Haan bataiye kya hua?
.
.
.
Aadmi: Bsnl se aaya hun, telephone activate karne k liye..

Balika Vadhu

"Balika vadhu" special

Anandi:
Dadi sa, suhagrat k pehle niche k bal katne padte h kya?

Dadisa:
Pata nai chhori
Mhare to shadi k 4 sal bad bal aaye the.😝😝😝😝😝

Viagra

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Â Sister
Catherine, the teacher,
asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: 'Crocin?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'

The second pupil said: 'calmpose.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine.
'It is used for diarrhoea.'

'And who told you this, Johnny?'

'Nobody,
but most evenings my mother tells my father
"Take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
"
.
Doctor Aadmi se: Haan bataiye kya hua?
.
.
.
Aadmi: Bsnl se aaya hun, telephone activate karne k liye..

Irshad

Arz karta hun bhenchod:

Lund ki awaj ko damdar kehte hai,

fati chut ko bekar kehte h,

Sirf chodne ka nam mohabat nahi hota,

kisi ki yado me mutthiya marne ko bhi pyar kehte Hai...😝

Donate Eyes

A Superb line Written
on a Hospital Board:

If you still want to See "Hot Girls" even after your Death,

DONATE YOUR EYES.

Argue

👒 A woman went for fishing.
She enjoyed boating & got tired.

She sat, kept her things &
started reading a book.

Policeman came, said: Maam u r
in "NO" fishing Zone.

She said: "I am reading not
fishing."

Policeman said:
"But u have all equipment & u
might start anytime."

Woman shouted: "Im not fishing
here. Now u r sexually harrassing
me."

Policeman said: "I am not doing
anything!"

She smiled: "Thats it! You have
all equipment & might start
anytime!" 😄

Moral : Never Argue with a Woman

Honey

Foreigner-"In India, do you guys call your wives HONEY in your native language?"
Indian- "oh no. we call them Bee-Bee, they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE.!!

Chameli

Chameli bhabhi ne Chat ki dukan kholi. Dukan kholte hi customer ki line lag gayi, Kyo...?




Board par likha tha, "SIRF 10 Rs ME CHAMELI bhabhi KI CHAAT LO"..

Horse

A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan "tuunnn.."

HUSBND: What was that for?

WIFE: I found a paper in ur pocket with the name JENNY on it.

HUSBAND: I took part in a RACE last week & JENNY was the name of my HORSE.

WIFE: Sorry!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan AGAIN! "tuunnn.."

HUSBND: why did u hit me again?

WIFE: Ur Horse is on the phone 😜😝😛

Gujarati

......|| ગુજરાતીઓની ખાસિયતો ||.......

વધેલા શરીરવાળા ગુજરાતીઓ માટે કસરત એટલે જમ્યા પછી પાનના ગલ્લા સુધી ચાલતાં જવું તે. મોઢામાં પાન કે મસાલો દબાવી કલાકો સુધી વિષયવિહીન ચર્ચાઓ કરવામાં ગુજરાતીઓની માસ્ટરી છે. પાનના ગલ્લા અને ચાની કીટલીઓ એ ગુજરાતીઓ માટે વૈચારિક આદાન-પ્રદાન માટેના આદર્શ સ્થાનકો છે. સાચો સમાજવાદ આ બે જગ્યાઓએ જ જોવા મળે છે. અહીંયા ગાડી,સ્કૂટરવાળા સાથે જ મજૂર પણ ઊભો રહી ચા પીતો હોય છે. (આ વાત પર બે કટિંગ ચા થઈ જાય, હોં ભઈ!)
દરેક ગુજરાતી મા-બાપને તેમના સંતાનોને ડોક્ટર, એન્જિનિયર કે સી.એ. બનાવવામાં જ રસ હોય છે. સંતાનોની કરિયર મા-બાપ જ નક્કી કરે છે. કોઈ ગુજરાતી મા-બાપને એવું કહેતા સાંભળ્યા નથી કે 'મારે મારા દીકરાને કલાકાર બનાવવો છે, મારે મારી દીકરીને ચિત્રકાર બનાવવી છે,મારો દીકરો ફોજમાં જશે, મારી દીકરીને એથ્લિટ બનાવવી છે, મારા દીકરાને ફેલ્પ્સ જેવો તરવૈયો બનાવવો છે.' (નાટક-ચેટક, કવિતા, સાહિત્ય-લેખનના રવાડે ચઢેલા છોકરાંવને તો આઉટલાઈનના કહેવાય છે, હોં ભઈ !)

રૂપિયા કમાવા સિવાય બીજો કોઈ પણ શોખ ન ધરાવતા ગુજરાતીઓનો એક શોખ ખૂબ જાણીતો છે રજાઓમાં ફરવા જવાનો અને તે પણ સાથે ખૂબ બધા નાસ્તા લઈને. જ્યારે અને જ્યાં પણ ફરવા જઈએ ત્યારે ડબ્બાઓના ડબ્બા ભરીને સેવમમરા,ઢેબરાં,ગાંઠિયાં, પૂરીઓ, અથાણાંસાથે લઈને નીકળીએ છીએ. ઘર બદલ્યું હોય એટલો બધો સામાન લઈ ટ્રેનમાં ખડકાઈએ છીએ અને ટ્રેન ઉપડે કે પંદર જ મિનિટમાં રાડારાડી કરતાં નાસ્તાઓ ઝાપટવા મંડીએ છીએ અને ઢોળવા મંડીએ છીએ. ગુજરાતીઓના ફરવાના શોખના કારણે પરદેશની ટૂરમાં ગુજરાતી થાળી મળતી થઈ ગઈ છે. જો ગુજરાતીઓ ફરવાનું બંધ કરી દે તો બધી જ ટ્રાવેલ્સ એજન્સીઓ અને પેકેજ ટૂર, કપલ ટૂરવાળાઓનું ઉઠમણું થઈ જાય. (આપણે ફરવાની સાથે ફરવાની સલાહ આપવાના પણ શોખીન છીએ. નવસારી સુધી પણ નહીં ગયેલો માણસ નૈનિતાલ કેવી રીતે જવું તેની સલાહ આપી શકે, હોં ભઈ!)

ગુજરાતીઓના લેટેસ્ટ બે શોખ. એક - ટુ વ્હીલર અને બીજો - મોબાઈલ.જગતમાં સૌથી વધારે ટુ વ્હીલર ગુજરાતમાં ફરે છે. આપણું ચાલે એક રૂમમાંથી બીજા રૂમમાં જવા માટે પણ ટુ-વ્હીલર વાપરીએ. પહેલાના જમાનામાં એવું કહેવાતું તું કે 'દેવું કરીને પણ ઘી પીવું.' હવે એવું કહેવાય છે કે 'દેવું કરીને પણ બાઈક લેવું.'ગુજરાતીઓના 'દિલની સૌથી નજીક'જો કોઈ હોય તો તે છે મોબાઈલ (કેમકે આપણે મોબાઈલને હંમેશાં શર્ટના ઉપલાં ખિસ્સામાં જ રાખીએ છીએ.) જાત-જાતના મોબાઈલ, ભાતભાતની રિંગટોનનો આપણને જબરજસ્ત ક્રેઝ છે. મોબાઈલની સૌથી વધુ સ્કિમ આપણા ગુજરાતમાં જ છે અને તેનો સૌથી વધુ લાભ પણ ગુજરાતીઓ ઉઠાવે છે. જો સ્કિમમાં 'ફ્રી' લખ્યું તો તો 'ખ…લ્લા…સ'. રાત્રે દસથી સવારે છ, 'મોબાઈલથી મોબાઈલ ફ્રી' એવી સ્કિમ જાહેર થાય એટલે ગુજરાતીઓ મચી જ પડે.. બાજુ-બાજુમાં બેઠા હોય તો પણ મોબાઈલથી મોબાઈલ વાતો કરે ! (હે…લો…, અને જ્યારે બિલ આવે ત્યારે કંપનીવાળા જોડે સૌથી વધુ બબાલ પણ આપણે જ કરીએ છીએ, હોં ભઈ !)

ગુજરાતીઓની સ્વભાવગત ખાસિયત પણ અનોખી છે. આપણે એવર ઓપ્ટિમિસ્ટ એટલે કે સદાય આશાવાદી માણસો છીએ. શેરબજાર ક…ડ…ડ…ડ…ભૂ...સ…કરતું તૂટે તો પણ આપણે આશા રાખીએ છીએ કે 'કશો વાંધો નહીં, કાલે બજાર ઉપર આવી જ જશે.' આ સાથે આપણે ગુજરાતીઓ એટલા જ ખમીરવંતા પણ છીએ. ભૂકંપ આવે, પૂર આવે કે બોમ્બ બ્લાસ્ટ થાય, આપણે ત્યાં બીજા દિવસથી તો બધું રાબેતા મુજબ….

ગુજરાતીઓની એક સૌથી મોટી ખાસિયત, ખૂબી, વિશેષતા,વિલક્ષણતા એ છે કે આપણે ગુજરાતીઓ ક્યારેય પણ કોઈનાથી ઈમ્પ્રેસ થતા નથી. સાદા શબ્દોમાં કહીએ તો આપણે ક્યારેય કોઈથી ઘીસ ખાતા નથી. ગમે તેવો મોટો ચમરબંધી હોય પણ આપણે તેનાથી અંજાઈ જતા થી. 'એ લાટસા'બ હોય તો એના ઘેર, મારે શું ?' આવી તાસીર જ આપણને 'જીદ કરી દુનિયા બદલવાની' શક્તિ આપે છે અને તેના લીધે જ ગુજરાતની ધરતી પરગાંધીજી, સરદાર અને ધીરુભાઈ જેવી હસ્તીઓ પાકી છે. (શું કહો છો,બરાબરને ભઈ?)

હાચુ કઉં તો મને તો ઍક ગુજરાતી હોવાનો બહું ગર્વ છે, તમને છે?
જો હા તો, ઍક સાચા ગુજરાતી તરીકે તમે પણ આપણી આ 'ગુજરાતી ગૌરવ ગાથા' ને આગળ ધપાવો.

Poojan

Suhagraat pe pati apni patni ki choot ke aage agarbatti ghuma raha hota hai.

Patni: jaanu yeh tum kya kar rahe ho ?

Pati: chudai shuru karne se pehle bhoomi pujan kar raha hoon.

Patni: woh to bahot baar ho chuka hai...........tum seedha grah pravesh karlo.

Pussy

There's these three guys, best friends since childhood. One of them is dating an absolutely stunning babe, and is always bragging to his buddies about the sex they have. Then one day, for who knows what reason, the guy decides that he's getting tired of the lovely lady, he needs some new thrills in his life, and pulls a complete 180, declaring he's gay.

"Damn," his friends say, "you know that you're probably going to get AIDS and die!"

Hey, I'll take my chances," he says. "I just needed some kind of change, and wow, did I find it!"

In a couple years he indeed contracts AIDS, and is told he only has a few months left.

As he's lying on his death-bed, he calls his old friends together one last time.

"Guys," he gasps, "you've got to promise me one last thing."

"Sure," say his mates. "What can we do for you?"

"When I'm dead and buried, will you make sure I have the nicest tombstone you can find?" he asks. "And will you make sure something's written on it that everyone will remember me for?"

They promise him, and with one final gasp dies... But remembering their promise, his friends found a beautiful granite stone, and had it engraved:

Ashes To Ashes,
Dust To Dust,
If You'd Stuck To P*ssy,
You'd Still Be With Us.

Battery Up

Happy

Iraq

Business

Man :- “One Vodka Price”
Waiter :- “Rs. 5/- Sir”
Man :- What Only Rs. 5/ ??
Can I Also Have One Pizza Please" ??
Waiter :- “Rs. 7/- Sir”
Man :- “Wow That’s Really Cheap, Can I Meet The Owner of this Hotel” ??
Waiter :- “No Sir, He’s Busy With My Girlfriend in the bed room” !!!!
Man :- “What’s He Doing With Your Girlfriend in bed room” ????

Waiter :- “The Same Thing That I’m Doing To His Business Here“ !!!! 😝

Hari Om

Men will always be Men -
Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies taking bath and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said HARI OM and rest of them said KIDHAR HAI, KIDHAR HAI! 😜

Poem

Kash me
Tumhe Dekhu
Jb Tum
Kapde Utaro
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jo Dale The
Taar Pe
Sukhne K Liye
.
Or
Tum
Apne Hath Me
Pakdo Mera
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
Hath
.
Or Kaho,
Mene Tumhare Liye
Kholi Hui h
Apni
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Baahein
.
.
Ab To
Lelo Meri
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Har Khushi
.
.
Or
Mujhe Dedo Apna
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
Har gam
.
Fir Me
Kholu Dhire Se
Tumhri
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Eyes
.
.
Or Kahu,
Dekho Kitna
Bada h Mera
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.


.
.
.
Dil
.
.
Fir Me
Tumhri
Tange Uthau
Or
Dal Du Apna
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lund
.
Beta Hr Bar
Mazak Nhi Hota,
Non Veg joke hai. :

Read

અચૂક વાંચવા જેવું :
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ભગવાને એક ગધેડાનું સર્જન કર્યું અને એને કહ્યું, "તું ગધેડા તરીકે ઓળખાશે, તું સૂર્યોદય થી લઈને સુર્યાસ્ત સુધી થાક્યા વગર તારી પીઠ પર બોજો ઉઠાવવાનું કામ કરશે, તું ઘાસ ખાશે, તને બુદ્ધિ નહિ હોય અને તું ૫૦ વર્ષ સુધી જીવશે."

ગધેડો બોલ્યો, "હું ગધેડો થયો એ બરાબર છે પણ ૫૦ વર્ષ નું આયુષ્ય ઘણું બધું કહેવાય, મને ૨૦ વર્ષ નું આયુષ્ય આપો." ઈશ્વરે એની અરજ મંજુર કરી.

ભગવાને કુતરાનું સર્જન કર્યું, એને કહ્યું "તું કુતરો કહેવાશે, તું મનુષ્યોના ઘરોની ચોકીદારી કરશે, તું મનુષ્ય નો પરમ મિત્ર હશે, તું એને નાખેલા રોટલાના ટુકડા ખાશે, અને તું ૩૦ વર્ષ જીવીશ.
કુતરાએ કહ્યું, "હે પ્રભુ ૩૦ વર્ષ નું આયુષ્ય તોઘનું કહેવાય ૧૫ વત્સ રાખો," ભગવાને મંજુર કર્યું.

ભગવાને વાંદરો બનાવ્યો અને કહ્યું, "તું વાંદરો કહેવાશે, તું એક ડાળી થી બીજી ડાળી પર જુદા જુદા કરતબ કરતો કુદાકુદ કરશે અને મનોરંજન પૂરું પાડશે, તું ૨૦ વર્ષ જીવીશ." વાંદરો બોલ્યો "૨૦ વર્ષ તો ઘણા કહેવાય ૧૦ વર્ષ રાખો". ભગવાને મંજુર કર્યું.

છેલ્લે ભગવાને મનુષ્ય બનાવ્યો અને એને કહ્યું : "તું મનુષ્ય છે, પૃથ્વી પર તું એક માત્ર બુદ્ધિજીવી પ્રાણી હોય. તું તારી અક્કલ નાં ઉપયોગ વડે સર્વે પ્રાણીઓનો સ્વામી બનશે. તું વિશ્વને તારા તાબામાં ર્રાખીશ અને ૨૦ વર્ષ જીવીશ."

માણસ બોલ્યો : " પ્રભુ, હું મનુષ્ય ખરો પણ ૨૦ વર્ષનું આયુષ્ય ઘણું ઓછું કહેવાય, મને ગધેડાએ નકારેલ ૩૦ વર્ષ, કુતરાએ નકારેલ ૧૫ વર્ષ અને વાંદરાએ નકારેલ ૧૦ પણ આપી દો." ભગવાને મનુષ્ય ની ઈચ્છા સ્વીકારી લીધી.

અને ત્યારથી, માણસ પોતે માણસ તરીકે ૨૦ વર્ષ જીવે છે, લગ્ન કરીને ૩૦ વર્ષ ગધેડો બનીને જીવે છે, પોતાની પીઠ પર બધો બોજો ઉપાડી સતત કામ કરતો રહે છે, બાળકો મોટા થાય એટલે ૧૫ વર્ષ કુતરા તરીકે ઘરની કાળજી રાખી જે મળે તે ખાઈ લે છે, અંતે જ્યારે વૃદ્ધ થાય ત્યારે નિવૃત્ત થઈને વાંદરા તરીકે ૧૦ વર્ષ સુધી આ પુત્રના ઘરથી પેલા પેલા પુત્રના ઘરે અથવા પુત્રીને ઘરે જઈને જુદા જુદા ખેલ કરીને પુત્રો અને પુત્રીઓને મનોરંજન પૂરું પાડે છે

Court Matter

Hilarious one :

Husband and wife in court discussion : the problem : who should get the custody of the child?

Wife :" your honour I brought d child into this world with pain and labour so it should be my custody "
Husband : " ur honour , if I put a coin in vendin machine and pepsi comes out. Whose pepsi it is ? Mine or machine's ??

Wife : judge sahab.. Bartan Mera.. Doodh bhi Mera ... Aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi bana to fir woh dahi kiska ?? Mera ya 2 boond daalne wale ka"

Husband : typewriter me kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski..? Typewrite ki ya meri...??

Frustated Judge : Abe saale agar tu chitthi haath se likh leta toh yeh naubat hi nai aati ... =)) =)) =))

Mistake in message

One spelling mistake can destroy a marriage! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word, "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her ! 😜

Wife

Most Dangerous Thing in the world =


###################
Varities of Wife:

AALSI wife:
aaj kapde utaarne ka mood nahi, aise hi kar lo

GUSSE WALI biwi:
Don't cum in my mouth nahi toh kaat lungi.

CHHEDNE Wali wife
Jab me college me thi to mera bf 4-5 baar kar leta tha

CONFUSED wife:
Do me from behind...
no no it will pain aage se hi karte hai.

SELFISH wife:
mera ho gaya,
main so rahi hun.

SHAKKI wife:
Aaj theek se nahi kar rahe kahin baahar kar k aaye ho? .

BHuKHI wife:
wapas kitni der me taiyaar ho jaoge
Doggy style me karenge

Interview

A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position.
He asked the same question to each one of them.

Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two?

First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't " . Boss: "OK.. good!"

Second Girl: "one can talk but the other can't ". Boss: "that's better!"

Third Girl: "one is vertical & the other is horizontal ". Boss:n "Hmm.. clever!"

Last Girl: "one is for me & the other is for my Boss ".
Boss: "you are hired !!!


Same situation with 3 girls n boss
Boss: what is the similarity between u n tea?
1st girl: tea is hot, I m also hot
Boss: ok
2 nd girl: tea has milk, I too have
Boss: good
3rd girl: when u wakes up u need tea n when ur's wakes up u need me
Boss: selected.

Opportunity

Man with 🔫 goes in bank & demands 💰💰💰💰💰
Once he is given money, he turns to a customer & asks, 'Did you see me rob bank?
Man: 'Yes, I did'.
Robber shot him in the head.
He turned to a couple & asked the man 'Did you see me rob the bank?'
Man said 'No sir, but my wife did...😜
When Opportunity knocks, USE IT 🔫 🔫 🔫 🔫 🔫

Confidence

Height of confidence:
😆

There was a meeting of Sardar freedom fighters.
They wanted to free Punjab from India.
Santa Singh raised a point,
"We may take Punjab from India but how will we develop it?"

Banta Singh had a brainwave. "No problem!
We will attack America, we will lose the war & it will take us over. Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically. We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards."
All the Sardars were happy with this solution but an old Sardar was not.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old Sardar replied,
"That's all very well.!
But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America???"

Duniya K 16 Sach

😝👍
🔞Duniya k 16 Sach☀🔞

1.Insaan ka lund aur sarkari kam hamesha latakta rehta he

2.Chut aur doodh k fatne par hamesha aurat chilati he

3.Sap aur gand jaha mile mar do

4.Maut aur tatti kisi ko puchh ke nhi ati

5.Garib aur boobs hmesha Dabte he

6.Nai dulhan aur nai gadi kisi dost ko do to thok k deta he

7.Musibat aur lund kabi bhi khade ho sakte he
8.Bra aur kismat kabhi bhi khul sakti he

9.Samudar or chut ko napa nahi jasakta

10.Chut or daru kabhi bhi juthi nahi Hoti

11.Nayi Chut or bhoot kismat walo ko hi dikhte hain.

12.Ladki or audio cassete ko dono side se bajana chahiya.

13.Lund or paani apna rasta khud banate Hai

14.Gaand or doodh fatne ki aawaz nahi hoti.

15.Sex or tax aadmi ko pagal bana dete hai.

16.Raand or police par bharosa mat karna.

....................................

Nice Quote::-

"Education Without K.T. is Like a Man Without Goti ....!!!"

-William Bhenchod

Shayari

Arz kiya he........

Jab dekha unhone tirchi nazar se,

Kasam khuda ki madhosh ho gaye hum,

Par jab pata chala
nazar parmanant tirchi hai,

To wahi khade-khade behosh ho gaye hum.


Ek or......

Ankho main nami thi,

Aur vitamin ki kami thi..

Wah Wah,

Jis se raat bhar chatting ki

woh girl friend ki mummy thi..

Ek or......

Koi pathar se na maare
mere dewaane ko.

Nuclear power ka jamaana hai,bomb se udaa do saale ko.

Bus last.....

Tajmahal kya cheez hai,
isse badi imarat banaunga,

Mumtaz to marke dafan hui thi,tujhe to mein zinda dafnaunga.


Bus iske baad khtam.....

Hasi ke liye gam kurban,
khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban,

Or

agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye
to saala dost bhi kurban.

Ab akhiri baat....

Are Huzoor Wah Wah to kijiye..😜

Liver

Girl to Doctor- Boyfriend ka bahut bda hai. Andar jaate hi liver se takrata hai.
Dr.- Uska chhota kardu?
Girl: Na baba na Liver thoda upar kar do

wah irshad

Arz kiya hai..!!!


College se nikalte hi kitabo ko sine se laga Leti ho...!!



College se nikalte hi kitabo ko sine se laga Leti ho...!!


Hum kya mar Gaye hai Jo Khud hi daba Leti ho..!! 😜😜😜😜😜

Head & Shoulders

BAPU shampoo matha ni sathe khabha par lagav ta ta.
BA: Pan tame matha ni sathe khabha par kem shampoo lagado cho?
Bapu: aa head&shoulder shampoo che gandi..!

killer recharge

🐍.... The killer one

Santa: Dekh teri biwi ko saap kaat raha hai!

Banta: Abey wo kaat nahi raha...uska 'Zeher' khatam ho gaya hai to wo RECHARGE Karwane aaya hai !

Shak

Biwi Der Se Ghar Ayi or Chup
Chaap Bedroom Ka Darwaza
Khola to Dekha ke Kambal men 2
ke Bajaye 4 Taangen Nazar Aa rhi
Thi.
... .
Usne Cricket Bat uthaya or zor zor
se maarna Shuru hogai.
.
Jab maar maar ke thak chuki to
pani peene kitchen men gai
Dekha uska PATI wahan betha
magazine padh rha hai.
.
PATI bola:
Tumhare mummi papa aye the
Main ne unko bedroom mein
sulaya hai Ja ke mil lo...
.
Moral:
Aur karo "Shak

Emirates Airlines

A child flying in Emirates Airlines asked his mother:
'Eagles have baby eagle, Crows have baby crow,
Why don't planes have baby planes?'
The mother told him to ask the pretty Hostess and he did..
Air Hostess:
'Did your mother tell u to ask me that?'
Boy: 'Yes'
Air Hostess:
'Well! Then tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Emirates Airlines always pulls out on time.
Now, let your mother explain that ...!' 😜😆

poem wah wah

POEM BY A Horny GIRL:

Fuck me hard.
And fuck me deep..!
Don't stop..
Until I weep!!

Suck my boobs.
And kiss my lips!
Go on baby.
Shake my hips!

I love the feel of
You in my pussy!!
Ek baat kahun.
kya chodte ho tussi!!

Eat my pussy.
Like burger of McD!
Chodo mujhe.
Faad k meri chaddi !

Woofer main teri.
Tu mera amplifier..!!
Kisi aur ko chodd ke aaya hai na.
You liar?

Faad di hai tune.
Aaj meri fuddi..!
Aise hi chodte rehna.
Jab tak ho na jaun main, Buddhi!!

Muh me lene ka aaj
Mann hai mera..!!
Taiyar ho ja.
Lund pe sajaa ke sehra!

Chudna chahti hun mai,
'Like a whore' !
Condoms lana.
One plus Four...!! 😂. (H̸Ά̯͡H̸Ά̯͡H̸Ά̯͡(=)))H̸Ά̯͡H̸Ά̯͡H̸Ά̯͡)

Seeeex

Pregnant Lady Ko Dekh Ke Ek Ladki Boli.
Ladki: “Lagta Hai Makan Ban Gaya Hai Kirayedaar Bhi Aa Gaya Hai”
Pregnant Lady Boli: “Mistry Bhi Khali Hai Tere Ghar Bhej Doon Kya?“
An upset man Goes to a Sex Therapist.Man: Doc, u Gotta help me. Please!Doc: Sure dude. What's ur problem.Man: It goes like this.Every Morning I get up & give my wife Hot Sex.Then leave for office. I give a lift to my girlfriend, while going to Office, she gives me an amazing blowjob.While in office, After lunch I give My secretary a Quickie behind My table doggy style.After I finish Work, I have steamy sex with a Callgirl whom I order everyday.While Returning home from office I bang my girlfrind in my car.While at home, I Fuck my wife till she Is half Dead.After Dinner she gives a nice blow job before she goes off to sleep.Doc: Well u Seem2 have an Amazing sex life. Where do u see a problem?Man: There is a serious prblem Doc. My Dick hurts like hell when I Masturbate at midnight?😜


According to a research of William Sexfear,
The only time A man takes care of a girl's hair is
while she is giving him
A Blow Job...!! 😜
Wife playing with husband's penis.Husband in romantic mood-u want to hav sex or what..?Wife in soft voice - oh na ji na, bas 2-3 envelope chipkane hain...😂😂😂😂

Many

1⃣ Fauji's wife daily sends her nude photo with both legs wide open ...

"Janu, I'll wait like this till you come!"

Fauji: Wo to theek hai, par photo kaun kheench raha hai??

|^|^|^|^|^|^|^|^|^|^|^|

2⃣ Girl Friend: I demand gud manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Sardar climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please??

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3⃣ Husband is praying before going to bed ...

Wife: What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance.

Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!

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4⃣ The best excuse given by a lady for missing office on Monday ...

My husband took an overdose of Viagra ... couldn't leave him alone with the Maid!!

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5⃣ A boy comes to his class with broken spectacles ...

Teacher: What happened?

Boy: I was kissing my Girlfriend.

Teacher: But how did your spectacles break?

Boy: She closed her legs!!

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6⃣ What's the difference between a man & a woman ...

A man always has the same DICK between his legs all his life ...

A woman MAY NOT!!

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7⃣ Wife: Nashta kar lo.

Husband: Sex hi mera nashta hai & he starts sex.

Dopahar ko wife: Lunch kar lo.

Husband sex hi mera lunch hai & starts sex.

Raat ko jab husband aata hai to wife panty utaar kar
heater ke aage baithi hoti hai.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: Hawas ke poojari, khana garam kar rahin hoon!!

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8⃣ After operation, a girl to Dr: How soon can I resume my sex life?

Dr: You are the first patient to ask this question after tonsil operation!!

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9⃣ Sexy Lady goes to male gynae and says: Dr, a fly has entered my vagina.

Dr: There is only one solution. I can apply some honey on my penis and insert in your vagina. The fly will stick to penis and thus we can take it out.

Lady: Go ahead.

Dr starts.

After five minutes, sexy lady asks: Kya hua Dr, fly kab bahaar niklega?

Dr: Plan changed. I am going to drown him..

🔟 Boy- U R wearing Red Bra ?
Girl - How do u know?
Boy-Thanx 2 RAJNIKANT Eyecare!
Girl-U r not wearing underwear
Boy - Hey U too RAJNIKANT eyecare!
Girl - Chain laav aai Zavadya.
Tuza RAJNIKANT baher alaay.

1⃣1⃣ Arz Kiya H

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Gaur Farmaiyega.

Wah Wah, !!!
"Sun to Le Bhosdi ke"

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,


Use Kehte H Jhaat K Baal...
------------------------------

1⃣2⃣Suhaag Raat Me Wife :
Muje Gabhrahat ho rahi Hai..

Husband : Tumhari PehLi Raat hai na IsLiye ?

Wife : Nahi Ji Raat me Pehli Baar hai IsLiye.
-----------------------

1⃣3⃣Pati: Sex ho jaye?
Wife:Nahi
Pati: Zewar la dunga
W:Nahi
Pati: Car launga
W:Nahi
Beta so raha tha..beech me bola: Papa meri gand mar lo par CYCLE la do...

---------------------------

1⃣4⃣Ladki to Dr: Bachcha 2 din se doodh nhi pi raha
Dr ne Bra me hath daala aur kafi der taK bobbs ko masal ke bola
Doodh hi nai hai
Ladki:"Main to iski Mausi hoon"

------------------------------

1⃣5⃣Wife: Please zara ye bra ka hook laga dijiye.
Hus: I will charge 4 kisses.
Wife: Rahne do, padosi Se free me lagva leti hu, wo haath daal kar Set bhi kar denge.

------------------------------

1⃣6⃣CONDOM salesman:
Condom chahiye kya???

Customer: kam bhav ka khushbudar rahega to de.

Salesman:
Laude pe agarbatthi ka plastic lagake chod Bhosdike...

----------------------------

1⃣7⃣MAUN-VRAT ke dinl
Wife ne Boobs hilake dikhaya
Husbd ne apna bahar nikal k dikhaya
Wife guse me-Mera matlb hai dudwala kab ayega
Hsbd: mera mtlab hai 1 Ghante me

-----------------------------
prefer? ka counter h ye"..
😜😜😝😝😛😛😝😝😜

Men Will Be Men

An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined with fruit trees.

One day he went there with a basket to get fruits.

On reaching, he found some young ladies swimming in the pond.


They went in deep water to shield themselves n said: We wont come out until u leave.

Old man: I'm not here to see u swim naked or to get u out of the pond naked. I'm here just to feed the Crocodile in the pond !

All the women rushed Out.

Moral: No matter the age, Men can think really fast when they come across naked women :p

Pilot

An airplane pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take-off.

"Thank you for flying with us this morning. The Weather is..." when suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers: "Oh My God. OMG! OMG! This is going to hurt...OMG!"

Silence reigned! You can hear a pin-drop. He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers:
"I apologize for this incident...but the stewardess just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap...You should see my pants from the front"
.
A passenger replies ." Why don't you come back here and see OUR PANTS FROM BEHIND" !!!!

Interview

A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position.
He asked the same question to each one of them.

Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two?

First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't " . Boss: "OK.. good!"

Second Girl: "one can talk but the other can't ". Boss: "that's better!"

Third Girl: "one is vertical & the other is horizontal ". Boss:n "Hmm.. clever!"

Last Girl: "one is for me & the other is for my Boss ".
Boss: "you are hired !!!


Same situation with 3 girls n boss
Boss: what is the similarity between u n tea?
1st girl: tea is hot, I m also hot
Boss: ok
2 nd girl: tea has milk, I too have
Boss: good
3rd girl: when u wakes up u need tea n when ur's wakes up u need me
Boss: selected.

Bill Gates

If BILL GATES stops his busines & starts spendin his money by 1crore/day,

He'll need 735 yrs 2 spend it!

Bt..
he's stil working!


MORAL:
Dobo che 😝

Gorilla

Best ONE Till Date

Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.'

Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

'See,' says the woman, 'Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't.'

Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.'

The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure.

Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!'
The woman pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now ,was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.

The woman yells: 'Mark , what do I do now? Please, help me!'

Mark replies: 'Now, tell him you have a headache and you're not in mood ... Let us see if Gorillas and Men are the same 😜😝

Remote

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today.. SO...👊👹😱

April Fool

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!