Wednesday 29 May 2013

balls

Interview in a Govt. Dept. under Handicap Quota.
Interviewer : R u handicap ?
Guy : Ya, lost my testicles in a bomb blast.
Interviewer : Ok, u r selected. Working hours are 9 am to 5 pm. Make sure that u r here at 11 am everyday.
Puzzled, Guy asks : Why 11 am, when the timing is from 9 am ? 
Interviewer : This is a govt. job. First 2 hours we just sit around scratching our balls. What the fuck will u do ?😂

Prayer

Hahaha
IMPORTANT circular from GOD :

Laying in bed with somebody and screaming


"oh my GOD.... oh my GOD"


will not be considered as a prayer...

Car

Santa to Dad: I have the biggest Penis in class. Is it because I am Punjabi? 😏
Dad: Behenchod ! It's because you are 17 & still in 5th class:)😂😛
Maruti 800 Ki
Nilami Ho Rahi Thi..

Boli Lagi....

15 Lakh..
20 Lakh..
40 Lakh..

Husband :
Is Khataare Gadi
Me Aisa Kya Hai.. ?

Seller :
Iske 23 Accident
Hue Hai..
Har Bar Sirf
Biwi Mari Hai..

Husband :
Iski Maa Ka.......
1 Crore........ !!!!

aande

Ek train main bahut bheed thi, baath room k paas ek bori rakhi thi, ek aadmi us bori per jaise hi baithne laga to ek lady boli, us per mat baitho,ande foot jaayenge. 

Aadmi bola, itni bheed main aise bori me ande lekar kyun chalti ho??? 
.
.
.
.
.

Lady boli, abe chutiye, bori main to keel hai, Aand tere foot jaayenge.....😜😝😜😝

Shortest joke

Shortest joke :
Girl : Fuck you
Guy : Promise kar😝

Powerful

The most powerful words other than "I Love You" are " Salary Is Credited."

Guptaji

Santa Punjab National Bank ki Pahaadganj branch mein kaam karta thha...


Sabhi us se bahot dukhi thhe kyunki wo sabse shart laga ke har mahine bahot paise jeet jaata thha...


Manager sharma ne usko transfer karwa diya... connaught place branch mein....


C.P branch ka manager Gupta bahot sakht aadmi thha...


Santa pehle din bank pahuncha to Gupta ne usko bula ke kaha 'Santa! Main bahot kadak aadmi hoon... mujhe apne bank mein koi badtameezi nahin chaahiye...samjhe'?



Santa: Samajh gaya sir! Lekin aapki bavaaseer ab kaisi hai?


Gupta (shocked): bavaseer???


Santa: Haan sir! Bavaseer...Piles.... ab theek hai na?


Gupta: Bhosdi ke! Paagal ho gaya hai kya? Mujhe koi bavaseer nahin hai...


Santa: Kya baat kar rahe ho sir! Aapko bavaseer hai... 100%


Gupta: Lodu! Gaand meri hai.... mujhe sab pata hai... mujhe koi bavaseer nahin hai....


Santa: Lag gayi shart.... Main prove kar sakta hoon ki aapko bavaseer hai...



Gupta: Kaise?


Santa: Dekhiye sir! Main aapki gaand mein ungli daal ke baahar nikaaloonga... agar to ungli pe khoon laga to iska matlab aapko bavaseer hai aur agar nahin laga to.... no...


Gupta ne Santa se 100-100 rupay ki shart laga li...


Santa ne gupta ki gaand mein ungli daali....lekin.... koi khoon nahin nikla....



SANTA SHART HAAR GAYA.....



Usne Gupta ko 100 ka note diya aur chala gaya...



Gupta ne uske jaane ke baad Sharma ko phone kiya aur kaha, 'Sharma! Tere Sante ki gaand faad di... 100 rupay jeet gaya main'



Sharma: Kya hua sir?



Gupta ne usko poori baat bataayi...



Sharma: Jaate jaate wo hum sabki maa chod gaya....


Gupta: Wo kaise?



Sharma: Maa ka loda hum se 20,000 ki shart laga ke gaya thha ki JAATE HI MANAGER KI GAAND MEIN UNGLI DAALOONGA.....

usage

A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION -

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman And she was upset.

'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.

I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.

She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.

'The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, Do you have Anything else that your wife doesn't use?

Thats how we ended up on bed 😋😷😬😝😜😂

Notice

A NOTICE in a factory for female workers."If ur skirt is long, protect urself from ENGINES
& If it is short,
protect urself from ENGINEERS...

ECG

Bapu ECG karava gaya. 

Nurse :- Pehla Shirt ane Banyan utarine table par sui jaav. 
.
.
.
.
.
Bapu : - Pehla ECG Kari laiye to . . . . .  ?!!!!!

blender

Jealous husband: My wife where are you?
Wife: At home love
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes
Husband : Turn on the blender
Wife: (turns blender on)reeereeeereeee
Husband: Ok my love goodbye
Another day..
Jealous husband: My wife where are you?
Wife: At home love
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes
Husband: Turn on the blender
wife: (turns blender on)reeereeeereeee
husband: Ok my love goodbye
The next day husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son Johnny alone and he asked him, "Son where is your mother?"
Johnny: "I do not know, she went out with the blender!"

many

😜
🗽
MEN WILL BE MEN....

A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'

She turns, smiles & says, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Sexologists Convention.'

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?'

'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable & blushes 'I'm  sorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'

'Venkatraman' the man blurts out.
'Venkatraman Mukherjee!'

'But all my friends call me harinder singh'p
TRIPLE meaning
Example
of
.
"HAR 1 FRIEND KAMINA HOTA
HAI"
.
.
Boy to his frnd : yaar maine
apni Girl Friend ko uski
birthday pe apni behan ki
new diamond ring chori ker k
gift de di,
Frnd (Thappad maar kar) :
kaminey Itni mehngi kharidi
thi maine
Boy : saale marta kyun hai
tere ghar hi to wapis gayi hai...😝

Sex

A married Man died before SEX.
His Wife cut his organ, filled it with cement & fixed it in d wall.
Every night she used to go to d wall & get satisfied herself. One day her neighbour saw this..!
He made a hole in the wall & put his own organ in place of that.. & waited his turn for sex.
The lady came with a knife...cut his organ & said..."Darling today we are shifting to our new house

Restaurant

Restaurant Advertisement:

We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife, and  beer as COLD as your own wife.

Relationship

Relationships are of two types: 
1) Senti Types😪
2) Panty Types👙

Opening

Just got a call from a consultancy firm.  
The lady said - sir I hv got two openings.; r u interested?" 
M still wondering what exactly she meant to say! 😉😜....

Sunday 26 May 2013

Beer

Santa was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.

At the 3rd time the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new
creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you.
Your new name is Gomes."

Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a
Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now a
new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Orange Juice!" Cheers!!!*beer*=))

balls

Interview in a Govt. Dept. under Handicap Quota.
Interviewer : R u handicap ?
Guy : Ya, lost my testicles in a bomb blast.
Interviewer : Ok, u r selected. Working hours are 9 am to 5 pm. Make sure that u r here at 11 am everyday.
Puzzled, Guy asks : Why 11 am, when the timing is from 9 am ? 
Interviewer : This is a govt. job. First 2 hours we just sit around scratching our balls. What the fuck will u do ?😂

Corporate

In a party a manager proudly said that he did "it" 7 times with his wife on his wedding night
Supervisor next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night
All turned towards a fresher n asked how many times did he do on his wedding night
Fresher replied: Only once sir
Manager laughed n asked WHY??
Fresher replied: My wife wasn't used to it sir!!!!
Pindrop silence.......and a Lesson learnt politely. 😝😂

hot

A couple sees a hot girl.
Wife: So big, aren't they?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband:I think natural. 
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural?
Silence ......

Sunny

Sunny leone ka brain dekho
 {http://friends18.com/img/flirt/0227.gif}
Zoom karke dekhna

Brakes

Very logical 😜A Boy was screwing a girl on a Railway track.. The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it..He applies brakes so hard and the trainstops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants...The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last f**ck?!!!"Boy -'Listen dude, u were coming... She was cuming.... and I was cuming.... then I realised ....only You had Brakes!

Pillow

Kanjibhai was travelling to Bombay to take up a new job.

Rupaben was also travelling in the same compartment except that they didn't
know each other in the beginning.

Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.

a.. Both were Single.
b.. Both were Gujaratis.
c.. Both were going to Bombay .
d.. Both were teachers.
e.. Both were starting new jobs at Mithibai College ...
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and
made a pact that they would do everything together..

So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on
Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home
together.

They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also
sharing the same bedroom and...

EVEN sharing the same bed.

The only problem was Rupaben placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much
to the frustration of Kanjibhai, who ended up spending many sleepless nights
with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow.

Kanjibhai's frustration built up to such an extent that he could take it no
more and ended up deciding to drink.

So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own.

She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw.

The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai
when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.

Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his
roommate to let him in.

After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, ' Where the hell
did you disappear today? We decided to do everything together! Now on you
will sleep outside'.

Kanjibhai said, 'I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't
open the door right now!'

Rupaben replied,
Scroll Down for Punch Line......................

















'Have...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya...
Tu to Pillow ni upar thi jump na kari sakyo...to  deewal upar thi su jump Karva nu!! 😋😷

IPL

Now after so many arrests by Mumbai Police & Delhi Police;

 They can start tournaments with teams
 
Arthur Road Royals 

vs. 

Tihar Daredevils

bra

Award winning Ad of a company manufacturing "Padded Bras".
Their slogan was :
' We create with cotton, what God has 
For-Gotten'!!
😉😄😁😝😋

sasu

1 Saasu maa Apne 3 Damado ka pyar dekhne ke liye dariya me kud gayi😉1st damad ne bacha liya... . . Saas ne use Car di😀😃2nd day fir kudi.😜2nd damad ne bachaya, to bike mili.😝😀3rd day fir kudi . . .😉3rd damad ne socha"Cycle hi reh gayi hai, kya fayda"😒Aur saas doob gayi.😍😛Agle din us damad ko Mercedes mili..😱😨Kaise...???😱Sasur ne di...😆😉😜😜😝..,

Champa

ચંપા છે ચોદામણી ને પીતળ નો છે પીકો ,
ચંપા છે ચોદામણી ને પીતળ નો છે પીકો ,
એક રૂપીયા નો સિક્કો નાખી જીકાય એટલી જીકો ,
મારો હેલો સાંભળો હોઓઓ જી ....

બોરડી પાસે ના જવાય વાગે એના કાંટા,
બોરડી પાસે ના જવાય વાગે એના કાંટા,
ઘરવાળી ને ચોદતા પેલા કાપી નાખો ઝાંટા,
મારો હેલો સાંભળો હોઓઓ જી ....

ઉચી ઉચી બોરડી ને નીચા નીચા બોર ,
ઉચી ઉચી બોરડી ને નીચા નીચા બોર ,
હંગવા બેઠી રબારણ ને ચોદી ગયા ચોર ,
મારો હેલો સાંભળો હોઓઓ જી ....

Business Sindhi

   One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds..
"I'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man
who ever lived..??"

An Irish boy raised hand & said,"It was St. Patrick."
... The teacher said, that's wrong..

The Buddhist boy said, "Its Gautam Buddha.."
The teacher said, that's wrong..

... Finally,
a Sindhi Boy said, "It was Jesus Christ"
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right..! & the teacher gave him
10 pounds..she said, "Since you are a sindhi.. I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.."

Sindhi boy replied
"Yes.. In my heart I knew it was Jhulelal, but Bijness is Bijness..😂😂

Men Are Men

   A man was getting married. So 3 young ladies offered to marry him. He had to make choice, so he tested them by giving Rs. 5000 each to spend. One of her bought new dresses n said she wantd to look gud for him. 2nd got him few shirts & ties n perfumes n said she wanted him to luk gud. 3rd investd d money in shares. Got profit & returned him original amt, saying dat she saved d rest for deir future. Man thought a lot But finally he decided to marry d lady who had the biggest boobs!!
 Men will be Men......Always 😜

Kathorta

  आज का सुविचार:
कठोरता 'हृदय' में नहीं 'लिंग' में रखिए,
 .
 . . 
 . . .
काम आएगी। 

golf

   4 friends compare notes on how they convince their wives to allow them to go to play Golf on Sunday
1st: I take my wife out for a dinner on Sat
2nd: I clean the house on Sat
3rd: I let her go buy anything she wants
4th: I wake her up Sun morning at 5am & say 'Golf course or Intercourse?' Always works :-p 

IPL

 England, Australian & Indian watching IPL Together 

England-Amazing.. Six!

Australian-Oh! What a six

Indian-AAILA.. CheerGirls Ke Ball Kya Mast Hil Rahe Hai.. 😜

24 Hrs

Bob returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.
Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.
Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and  turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning, for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!"😡😡

Sunday 19 May 2013

mazza

once imran and parineeti chopra were having extremely rough sex.
Imran was out of control and suddenly CUMS in parineetis VAGINA but Imran doesnt recognize it and keeps pushing his DICK In and out

Finally frustrated pariniti gets angry 😡and say: 
Oye MAHAPURUSH YOUR MAZA FINISH plz chodna bandh kar ab 
😂😂😂😂

Shaadi

Ek ladke ki nai nai shadi hui. Wo aur uski wife ek kamare mein sote the. Lekin der rat tak bhi unke kamre se koi khatar patar ki aawaj nahin aati thi. 
Ye dekh kar ladke ki maa pareshan hui aur sochne lagi ki uska ladka kuch kar pa raha hai ya nahin. 
To usne a plan banaya ki unke kamare ki ek khirki thodi khuli chhod di jisse wo ander ki activities dekh sake. 
Raat ko dono pati patni kamre mein gaye or chupchap so gaye. 
Ye dekh kar maa bahut nirash hui par wo watch karti rahi. 
Aadhi raat ko ladka bistar se utha. Maa ko laga ki wo ab kuchh karega aut usne ladke ka hosla badane ke liye bola....
UTHA HAI MAA KA LAL 
DUDH KA MOL CHUKAYAGA
Tabhi ladki bhi jag gayi aur boli....
MAA KE LAL KI MAA KI CHOOT
MOOT KE FIR SO JAYEGA
😜😝

Wednesday 15 May 2013

Gujarati

Government Ka Bridge🎢 Ka Tender Nikla.
.
Ek Madrasi 👳Ne 3⃣0⃣Lakh 💸💰Ka Quotation Diya.
.
Authorities 👮Ne Puchha : "Kaise ❓
.
Madrasi Ne Kaha :
"2⃣0⃣Lakh Ka Material
5⃣Lakh Ka Labour
5⃣Lakh Mera Munafa"
.
Gujarati 👨 Ne 9⃣0⃣Lakh Ka Quotation Diya.
.
Authorities Ne Puchha :
"Itna Mahenga Kaise ⏫?"
.
Gujrati Bola :
"3⃣0⃣Lakh AapKe 👉
Aur
3⃣0⃣Lakh Mere 👈"
.
Authorities Ne Puchha :
"Aur Bridge🎢 Ka Kya ?"
.
Gujrati Bola :
"Bridge Madrasi 👳Banayega."
.
Gujrati Got the Tender 👏👍!

Goti Lilu

BAPU NI 1 GOTI LILI THAY GAYI,
Dr. : ZER FELAYU CHHE KAPVI PADSE,

THODA DIVASH PACHHI BIJI LILI THAY GAYI,

Dr. : ZER VADHARE LAGE CHHE,AA PAN KAPVI PADSE,

BIJA THODA DIVAS PACHHI POPAT LILO THAY GAYO.

Dr.:JIVTA RAHEVU HOI TO AA PAN KADHAVU PADSE..

POPAT KAPI PLASTIC NO NAL LAGAVYO.

THODA DIVAS PACHHI PLASTIC NO NAL PAN LILO THAY GAYO...

GHANI TAPAAS KARI
Dr. : HAVE TAMARI BIMARI PAKDANI..TAMARI CHADDI NO COLOR UTARE 6..
BAPU BEHOSH...!!!!

Sindhi

A Sindhi millionaire, to maintain a mistress in Hong Kong, bought ahouse in his own name for her to live in, plus gave her a monthlyallowance of $5,000. The house cost him $700,000 in 2006.He sold the house this year for $3.8 million, after they broke up. Aquick calculation shows that after 5 years of a fling with the woman,he still had a net gain of $2.8 million plus six years of FREE SEX.When his wife found out about this, she was very mad at him and gavehim a big mouthful...She yelled at him and said......YOU IDIOT !! Why didn't you keep two mistresses !!!!

Gin

एक नवविवाहित युवक अपनी पत्नी को अपनी पसंदीदा जगहों की सैर करा रहा था, सो, वह पत्नी को उस स्टेडियम में भी ले गया, जहां वह क्रिकेट खेला करता था...

अचानक वह पत्नी से बोला, `क्यों न तुम भी बल्ले पर अपना हाथ आज़माकर देखो... हो सकता है, तुम अच्छा खेल पाओ, और मुझे अभ्यास के लिए एक साथी घर पर ही मिल जाए...`

पत्नी भी मूड में थी, सो, तुरंत हामी भर दी और बल्ला हाथ में थामकर तैयार हो गई...

पति ने गेंद फेंकी, और पत्नी ने बल्ला घुमा दिया...

इत्तफाक से गेंद बल्ले के बीचोंबीच टकराई, और स्टेडियम के बाहर पहुंच गई...

पति-पत्नी गेंद तलाशने बाहर की तरफ आए तो देखा, गेंद ने करीब ही बने एक सुनसान-से घर की पहली मंज़िल पर बने कमरे की खिड़की का कांच तोड़ दिया है...

अब पति-पत्नी मकान-मालिक की गालियां सुनने के लिए खुद को तैयार करने के बाद सीढ़ियों की तरफ बढ़े, और पहली मंज़िल पर बने एकमात्र कमरे तक पहुंच गए...

दरवाजा खटखटाया, तो भीतर से आवाज़ आई, `अंदर आ जाओ...`

जब दोनों दरवाजा खोलकर भीतर घुसे तो हर तरफ कांच ही कांच फैला दिखाई दिया, और उसके अलावा कांच ही की एक टूटी बोतल भी नज़र आई...

वहीं सोफे पर हट्टा-कट्टा आदमी बैठा था, जिसने उन्हें देखते ही पूछा, `क्या तुम्हीं लोगों ने मेरी खिड़की तोड़ी है...?`

पति ने तुरंत माफी मांगना शुरू किया, परंतु उस हट्टे-कट्टे आदमी ने उसकी बात काटते हुए कहा, `दरअसल, मैं आप लोगों को धन्यवाद कहना चाहता हूं, क्योंकि मैं एक जिन्न हूं, जो एक श्राप के कारण, उस बोतल में बंद था... अब आपकी गेंद ने इस बोतल को तोड़कर मुझे आज़ाद किया है...

मेरे लिए तय किए गए नियमों के अनुसार मुझे खुद को आज़ाद करवाने वाले को आका मानना होता है, और उसकी तीन इच्छाएं पूरी करनी होती हैं... लेकिन चूंकि आप दोनों से यह काम अनजाने में हुआ है, इसलिए मैं आप दोनों की एक-एक इच्छा पूरी करूंगा, और एक इच्छा अपने लिए रख लूंगा...`

`बहुत बढ़िया...` पति लगभग चिल्ला उठता है, और बोलता है, `मैं तो सारी उम्र बिना काम किए हर महीने 10 करोड़ रुपये की आमदनी चाहता हूं...`

`कतई मुश्किल नहीं...` जिन्न ने कहा, `यह तो मेरे बाएं हाथ का खेल है...`

इतना कहकर उसने हवा में हाथ उठाया, और उसे घुमाते हुए बोला, `शूं... शूं... लीजिए आका, आपकी 10 करोड़ की आमदनी आज ही से शुरू...`

फिर वह पत्नी की तरफ घूमा, और शिष्ट स्वर में पूछा, `और आप क्या चाहती हैं, मैडम...?`

पत्नी ने भी तपाक से इच्छा बताई, `मैं दुनिया के हर देश में एक खूबसूरत बंगला और शानदार कार चाहती हूं...`

जिन्न ने फिर हवा में हाथ उठाया, और उसे घुमाते हुए बोला, `शूं... शूं... लीजिए मैडम, कागज़ात कल सुबह तक आपके घर पहुंच जाएंगे...`

अब जिन्न फिर पति की तरफ घूमा और बोला, `अब मेरी इच्छा... चूंकि मैं लगभग 200 साल से इस बोतल में बंद था, सो, मुझे किसी औरत के साथ सोना नसीब नहीं हुआ... अगर अब आप दोनों अनुमति दें, तो मैं आपकी पत्नी के साथ सोना चाहता हूं...`

पति ने तुरंत पत्नी के चेहरे की ओर देखा, और बोला, `अब हमें ढेरों दौलत और बहुत सारे घर मिल गए हैं, और यह सब तुम्हारी वजह से ही मुमकिन हुआ है, सो, यदि मेरी पत्नी को आपत्ति न हो, तो मुझे इसे तुम्हारे साथ बिस्तर में भेजने में कोई आपत्ति नहीं है...`

जिन्न ने मुस्कुराते हुए पत्नी की ओर नज़र घुमाई तो वह बोली, `तुम्हारे लिए मुझे भी कोई आपत्ति नहीं है...`

पत्नी का इतना कहना था कि जिन्न ने तुरंत उसे कंधे पर उठाया, और दूसरी मंज़िल पर एक बंद कमरे में ले गया, जहां पांच-छह घंटे तक पत्नी के साथ धुआंधार मौज की...

सब तूफान शांत हो जाने के बाद जिन्न बिस्तर से निकलता है, और कपड़े पहनता हुआ पत्नी से पूछता है, `तुम्हारी और तुम्हारे पति की उम्र क्या है...?`

पत्नी मुस्कुराते हुए बोली, `वह 28 साल के हैं, और मैं 25 की...`

जिन्न भी मुस्कुराते हुए तपाक से बोला, `इतने बड़े-बड़े हो गए, अब तक जिन्न-भूतों में यकीन करते हो, बेवकूफों...`

Bulldog

A young man walks over to his father one day and asks if they could have a talk about sex. His father agrees and is eager to help his son with any questions he may have.

"Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?" asked the son.

"Well son," answered the all knowing father. "A vagina is the most beautiful thing in creation."

"The soft folds of a vagina are softer even than the petals of a rose."

"The delicate scent of a vagina is finer than the finest french perfumes."

"The taste of a vagina, is sweeter than the purest nectar."

"All in all son, it`s like I said ,a vagina is the most beautiful thing in creation."

"Gee dad ,a vagina sounds just great, the way you describe it."

A few moments of silence go by, then the boy asks another question.

"Dad, What does a vagina look like after sex?"

"Well son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating custard?"

Promise

Tip for d day....for sentimental guys...Before making any promises to a girl...Masturbate twice...!!!

IIM

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to IIM AHMEDABAD, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.

Lord Shiv

One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth⛳ and try some alcohol.🍺🍻🍸

So he changed his get-up🚶 and went to a bar in Delhi🌃 and asked the bartender👲 : "What all do u have". Bartender👲 : "We have whisky,🍷 rum, vodka,🍸 gin, beer🍺 etc etc.".

Lord Shiva🚶: "Let's try whisky🍷 first, give me 5 bottles of whisky". After having 5 bottles of whisky,🍷 Lord shiva🚶 decided to try Rum. Bartender👲 was shocked

"Who is this man,👨 after having 5 bottles of whisky,🍷 he is still on his feet".👣

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva🚶 decided to have beer.🍺 After having 4⃣0⃣ bottles of beer,🍺 he asked the bartender👲 for Gin.🍸

Bartender👲 couldn't stop himself asking him : "Sir, who are you❓❓❓ I ve seen people getting drunk after having 4⃣ glasses🍷 of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet,👣 who are you"???

Lord Shiva : "VATS,✋ Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain".

Bartender👲 : AB CHADI ISKO!!😵

Gay

2 GAYS decided 2 have a baby. They mix their sperms & have a surrogate mother inseminated with it.... Baby is born.

They rush 2 the hospital. 12 babies were in the ward: 11 were crying, only 1 was smiling

To their delight, the nurse says: It's ur baby!

Gays: Isn't it a wonder, all are crying but our baby is smiling. This proves superiority of gay love

Nurse: Ya, he's happy now! But just watch what happens when we pull the thermometer out of his ass !!

Gift

Husband k B'day par Wife ne pucha : Kya gift du?
Hsbnd : Tum mujhe pyar karo, izzat karo aur mera
kehna mano. Ye kafi hai.
.
.
.
Wife : Nai nai main to gift hi dungi.😣😊😝

Women

7 complicated facts about Women :

1. They believe in saving.

2. Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.

3.buy expensive clothes but never have anything 2 wear.

4. Never have anything 2 wear, but always dressed beautifully.

5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.

6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.

7. Expect men to compliment,

but don't believe them if complimented.

Extremely Complicated!! 😛

Number

Santa dialed a number
.
.
.
.
A girl received
.
.
.
Santa :"Hello kaun ???
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl :"Main Seeta
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa :"O Teri !!!!
.
.
.
Ye to Ayodhya lag gaya
.
.
.
Sorry 'MAATE'

IT RETURN


Income tax officer haas raha tha

Clerk: kya hua ??
Officer : sunny Leon ki file hai

Clerk : Toh???
Officer : kapde phenti nai aur laundry ka bill 11 lakh bataya hai !!!

Many

Murgi 🐓 anda 🐣 deti hai &
cow 🐂 doodh 🍼 deti hai to aisa koun hai jo dono deta hai
socho...
...
...
...
nahi pata?
...









































.
Ans - DUKANDAR 👴
.
Intiligent 😎 hoon,

par maa kasam kabhi ghamand nahi kiya !

😈😄😜😂
👍👍👍 Teacher: Bachchon batao LOVE kyun acchha hai WAR se ?

Saare students ek saath bole: kyunki condom saste milte hain talwar se.:)
----------------------
Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli "Koi achha password batana....?"

Husband: "Lund".

Wife has-has ke chair parse gir padi kyuki computer says "Aapka pasword Chhota Hai..."
---------------------
Lady: Ek shampoo please.
Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai?
Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya?
Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo.
Lady: GARNIER de madarchod. Gand ke baal dhone hai.
----------------------
Girl goes on a date.
Woried Mother gives her
Condom.

Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says :Yahi soch to badalni hau Maa.
I'm Dating With Julie, so Give me Mulie
--------------------
Viagra ki 5 goli khakar 2 ghante tak girlfriend ke saath sex karne ke baad...

Santa bola: "Ab tum 3 ghante mujhe dekh nahi paogi"

GF: "Kyun? Kahin ja rahe ho kya?"

Santa: "Nahi janu, Ab palat jao".
--------------
Ek gubbare waale ki dukan ke bahar likha tha:
Agar apne bacche ko gubbara nahi dila sakte to waqt pe gubbara chadha liya karo...!!
--------------

Laughter

Zabardast hai👇DIE LAUGHING😂😂😂

1.
Woman- Dr. abhi mujhe kuch dino tak bacha nahi chahiye.
Dr- ye le lena.
Woman- pani ke sath ya doodh ke sath?
Dr.- behen ki laudi ye condom hai, lund ke sath lena hai

2.
Bhojpuri Husbnd Suhagrat ko Apni Biwi Se Bola-
Aaj to hum tohaar Maa Chod debe.
Bhojpuri Biwi Apna Ghagra Utha ke boli "aur ee ko ka tohaar Baapu aai ke Chodi"

3.
MAN:may i KiSS u.
LADY:CONDOM Laye ho?
MAN:KiSS karne ke Liye CONDOM?
LADY:sHARiF to aise ban rahe ho, jaise KiSS ke baad KHADE Lund pe meri PANTY TAANGOGE.

4.
Blue film Dekhte Hue Biwi Pati se Boli-
Aap Us Aadmi ki Tarah Itni Zyada Der tak kyun Nahi Kar Sakte?
PATI-Pagli wo Uski Biwi nahi hai,
Or Tu Apni Behan se Puchh.

5.
India's most versatile sound."BHENCHOD" In 8 moods:
1. ANGER:
Bhag Bhenchod
2. FRUSTRATION :
Sab chutiye he Bhenchod
3. ACCEPTANCE :
Sahi Hai Bhenchod
4. REJECTION :
Gand Mara Bhenchod.
5. FEAR :
Ab kya Hoga Bhenchod.
6. SORROW :
Bhenchod gand phat gayi..
7. SHOCK:
O Bhennnn.... Chhodd..!

And last one CELEBRATION :
PiYO BHENCHOD PIYO

6.
Do Ladkiyaan Aadhi Raat Ko Ghoom Rahi Thi.
Ek Ko Dar Lagne Lagaa To Dusri Boli- Dar mat, Apna Konsa Koi Lund Ukhaad Lega....!!!! :

7.
Husband- roz roz paalak ki sabzi khilati ho main tang aa gaya hun.
Wife - paalak main iron hota hai ji.
Husband- to kya meri gaand se TMT sariya nikalwayegi??

8.
Ek budha BLUE FILM dekhte hue zor se hath ko jhatakne laga
Boy-kya hua baba?
Budha-iski Maa ko chodu sala...15 sal bad lund khada hua to BHENCHOD hath sunn ho gaya

9.
Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: “Translate This Sentence In Hindi – Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees”
Munni Sharmate Hue: “Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye“

10.
EK LADKI Ka ZERO FIGURE DeKH Ke GAALIB ne arz kiya
"Na Gaand hai na seena hai"
wah! wah wah wah
"na gaand hai na seena hai"
MAA KI laudi YE KESI HASEENA hai

BP

Did u ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P". Petticoat, pants, panties, pussy.... No wonder men suffer from high BP. 👙

Underwear

Loyalty Test

Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour 4 hubby..🔻

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.

Wife- Which people❓😡😡😡


Total silence...😳😁😖

Aslam

Tie between anand nd pune
New Joke - 1 bar ind-pak me jhgda ho gaya to bich me ek diwal bana di,

Thode din baad ind k army vale bor ho gae to 1 ne kaha chalo aj pak valo ki gand marte he,

to usne diwal pr chad k awaz lagai: "aslam kon he?"

Pak: "main"

Ind: "Teri ma ka bhosda"

Agle din phir se usne aawaz lagai "aslam kon he?"

Pak: "main"

Ind:teri bhen ka bhosda.
.aisa 4,5 din tk chala to pak vale bole izzat ki ma chud gai he ku6 krna pdega.


agle din pak: "suresh kon he?"

Ind me se koi nai bola

pak vale bole izzat ka sawal he to unne 4,5 din tk aisa kiya pr ind me se koi nai bola to pak vale beth gae,

nxt day ind: "suresh ko kon bula raha tha?"

Pak: "main"

Ind: "Teri ma ka bhosda";)

Nikya

Difference between Gujarati and English medium school.

English medium school picnic at Zoo
'Hey dude look at that monkey ...so cute ...he is sleeping, don't disturb him.'

Gujarati medium School Picnic at Zoo
'Niliya taro baap suto che Jo, maar patthar sala ne.. Seno unghe paisa apya 6!!'.....

Sheela Bhabi

10 saal ka Chota pappu.. sheela bhabi Aur ek ladke Ko Sex Karte Huwe Dekh Leta Hai

Pappu:- Mujhe Bhi Karne Do...Warna aap ke husband
Ko Bata Dunga.!

Sheela bhabi:- Le Kar Le...

Pappu Kaafi Try Karta Hai Par Uska Khada Hi Nahi Hota.

Pappu Chaddi Pahente Huwe:- Duniyadari Ki Maa
Ka B******...
Jo Galat Hai Wo Galat Hai...Mai to Bataaunga...

Election

Sex aur Election
Me Jeetne ke Liye
Common aur Sabse Zaroori
Cheez Kya Hai..??

?

?

?

?

?

?

Ummidwar ka "KHADA HONA"

Bhenchod

😝😜😜😜😝
Sardar wanted to introduce his brother-in-law (saala) to a foreigner, But he did not know proper english term...
So, he said: Meet him... I am his Behenchod.!
😝😜😜😜😝

Nano

A Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/h.

The BMW driver totally forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ:

"Calling all stations :: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at bout 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake!!! =))

Tuesday 14 May 2013

Pagal


Ek Minister Pagal Khaneke Daure par tha.
Ek Pagal Bola: Minister Sahib Ek
Cigarette aur Maachis dena.
Minister ne cigarette diya aur Dr. se
bola:
doctor,ye aadmi to achhe se baat
kar raha hai...kahin se pagal
nahilagh raha hai.....
Pagal ne Cigarette Tod ke Tobacco
Apne Sir par dala
aur Machis se Aag laga di.....Phir
Apni Dhoti Utha ke, L**d Hila ke
bola:
Lo Minister Sahib, Hukkaaa Piyoooo
Hukkaaaa'!!!!!!
Ek bar ek bf ne gf ko

Letter

Hilarious Apology Letter.....

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement. May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN

Train


Must read this post... you will end up laughing.. :D
This can happen only in Mumbai... no where else.. Read on..

Only local train passengers in Mumbai will know how helpful other commuters in trains try to be. Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over-enthusiastic Mumbai's Local train commuter.

Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination.
He panicked on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue.

It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train for past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added some words of caution : "Keep running the moment you jump or you will fall. Just keep running." He stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.

The train slowed down just before Matunga Station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose.

What he didn't realise, of course, was that he was running parellel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the foot board commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train. To this agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.

Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he grinned sheepishly...!!!! :D :D

"Ae dil, hai mushkil, jeena yahan,
Zara hatke, zara bachke....
Yeh hai MUMBAI MERI JAAN"....😝

Diary of Man


A diary entry by a man -
Last week ,
my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
'I don't feel like it,
I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me...

She Finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently
I'm not having sex tonight either....
but at least she knows I'm smarter than her...😂

Guide

You must have seen the Dev Anand's mega hit film 'Guide'.. In the
film there is a famous song 'Gaata rahe mera Dil...' in which Waheeda
Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song she wore the same saree.

So, when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes in every sequence,
the big question is: Why doesn't Waheeda Rehman changed her saree in the
entire song?

The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will help you....

I BET U HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANYTHING INTELLIGENT THAN THIS ...

> scroll down for the answer....
>
>
> .
> .
>
> .
>
> .
> .
>
> ..
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
>
>
And the answer is:

Because in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings the following lines:

'O mere Humrahi,

Meri bahe thamein chalna,

Badle duniya 'SAREE',

Tum na badalna....." 👉😝

Wednesday 8 May 2013

Guj Va Eng School Kids

Difference between Gujarati and English medium school.

English medium school picnic at Zoo
'Hey dude look at that monkey ...so cute ...he is sleeping, don't disturb him.'

Gujarati medium School Picnic at Zoo
'Niliya taro baap suto che Jo, maar patthar sala ne.. Seno unghe paisa apya 6!!'.....

Tuesday 7 May 2013

Best Ones

▶Lord ganesha had two wives Riddhi and Siddhi....
Most men have one.... Ziddi...

▶National food of India ---- “KASAM”
Sab khate hain....

▶"If the loser smiles after losing the game , the winner loses the thrill of his victory"!!
Thats the power of Smile !!

▶Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman......
Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Man..!!

▶'Sympathy'... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! 'Jealousy'... You have to Earn it....!

▶Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall ....
And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch .... It'll move on its own !!

▶Wife: Aapko meri khoobsurati zayada achi lagti hai ya aqalmandi?
Husband: Mujhey to tumhari ye mazaaq ki aadat bahut achi Lagti Hai..

▶Only 3 living beings are immune to cold on earth !
1. Polar bears
2. Penguins
3. Females wearing sleeveless & backless in marriages !

▶Santa k sir se khoon nikal rha tha.
Dr - Ye kaise hua?
Santa - Main hath se diwar tod raha tha, kisi ne kaha Paji kabhi khopdi ka bhi istemal kar lia karo...

▶Getting Bored??? Need sum adventure in life?
Go to a stranger's wedding and scream.... 'Don't marry dear.... ' I still love you'!!!

▶Insaan sub se zyada Mafi kis k samane mangta hai ??
Guess, guess ! ! ¡ !
Bihkari k samne ---- "Maaf karo Baba"

▶One economical thought: 'D best line wich helps 2 save money wen going on dinner wid ur gf- . . . "bol kya khayegi MOTI..?

Saturday 4 May 2013

Chudai

चुदाई के फायदे ....... चुदाई करने की इच्छा सभी को होती है,
बिना चुदे चुत मैं खाज आती है।और बिना चोदे लंड बेकार हो जाता है ।
आज हम चुदाई के फ़ायदे जानने की कोशिश करेगे, ।

चुदाई के फ़ायदे को हम निम्न भागो मैं बाँट देते है -

1)Scintefic Benefits:
2)Medical Benefits:
3)सामाजिक फ़ायदा
4)अन्य फ़ायदा

1)Scintefic Benefits:

* चुदवाने से Monthly Periods ठीक टाईम पे आते है

* अगर boys चुदाई के समय अच्छे अच्छे आसान इस्तेमाल करे तो समझिए , पूरी बॉडी का व्यायाम हो गया

* लंड मोटा ओर लंबा हो तो चुत के अंदर जा के पूरी चुत की अच्छी तरीके से सफाई कर देता है ।

* रोज चुदवाने से डॉक्टर से aap दूर रह सकते है, आपका स्वास्थ मस्त रहेगा...

2)Medical Benefits:

* चुदाई से बॉडी की एक्स्ट्रा केलोरी कम होती है, इससे आपका शरीर फिट रहता है ।

* अच्छी चुदाई से मानसिक तनाव दूर होता है

* चुदाई जोरदार हो तो उससे साथी के प्रति Intimacy ज्यादा होती है

* डॉक्टर कहते है , चुदाई से Hormone Estrogen Produce होता है , जो की बालो ओर त्वचा के लिए फायदेमंद है ।

* चुदाई के बाद नींद काफी अच्छी आती है, सूबह आप बील्कुल फ्रेश उठेंगे...

3)सामाजिक फ़ायदा

* अच्छी तरह चुदाई के बाद कुछ समय तक बॉय की इच्छा सेक्स के प्रति नहीं रहती, अत:, अच्छी चुदाई के बाद बलात्कार जेसे घिनोने कुकर्म से छुटकारा मिल सकता है ।

* चुदाई के समय कुछ खाया पिया नहीं जाता, लंबे फोरप्ले के बाद जोरदार चुदाई , मतलब चुदाई करते रहो, देश का खाद्यान बचाते रहो ।

* अच्छी तरह चुदाई करने वाले नवयुवक गांडु (गे)नहीं होते, आदर्श समाज के लिए ये जरूरी है ।

*भारत मैं अधिकतर चुदाई अंधरे मैं ओर घर मैं होती है, जिस से बिजली और पेट्रोल की बचत होती है और बिजली ओर पेट्रोल की बचत ही इसका उत्पादन है ।

*अधिकतर लोग चुदाई करते समय सेल फोन को ऑफ कर देते है, इससे सेलफोन से होने वाले दुष्प्रभावो से कुछ समय के लिए मुक्ति मिल जाती है ।

* चुदाई के समय अच्छे अच्छे वादे किए जाते है जिसे लोग निभाने की भी कोशिश करते है।

Happy Chudai!!
તડકો પડ્યો ને જાંગીયો સુકાઈ ગયો....
વાહ વાહ
તડકો પડ્યો ને જાંગીયો સુકાઈ ગયો...
ગાંડે રેલો આવ્યો ને પાછો ભીનો થઇ ગયો....!

ભળ-ભળતો ઉનાળો મુબારક.
🙏😂

Jivlo

Jivlo: Bapu.. Rape, Romance ane Lagan ma su fark?
Bapu: Rape ma kapda Fadva pade, Romance ma Utarva pade ne Lagan ma Dhova pade..

Thursday 2 May 2013

Mast Mast

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.

The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school.

The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.

Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.

He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said; "These are your children sir". In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.

The Wife said; Don't tell me all these are your children ?.

The man asked her calmly; Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?. ...😄😄😄😄
Highlights of Gayle's innings will be
telecasted on
"Crime Patrol" this weekend..!!
#PWI.Rape.Case 😜😝😎


A boys calls her ex

Boy : hey i jus saw a muvie, it reminded me of u......miss u

Gal : awwwww 😘.....even i miss u......kaunsi muvie dekhi

Boy : ek thi daayan 😂😜😂😜
ULTIMATE BEIZZATTI. .
Garmi ka mausam tha.
Bus stop par 20 log bus ka intezar kar rahe the.
.

Ek bhikhari sab se ek ek rupee lekar.
.
Auto me baithkar chala gaya 😂😉😀😂😜

Jokes Many

1 sir 1 madam ke boobs dabaa rahe they toh 1 student ne dekh lia
Sir - beta miss ke seene mein dard h isliye dabaa raha hun
Student - bhen ke lode HBO dekhta hun pogo nai
_______________________________________________________
Call girl ke b'day par saheli ne sms kia - -
Har aadmi tere nange badan pe barse...tere jeevan mein aaye itne customer ki tu poora saal bra panty pehnne ko tarse...
_______________________________________________________
Kehte h shaadi ki gaanth toh aasman mein hi bandh jaati h...insaan toh sirf petikot Salwar aur bra ki gaanth kholne ke liye zameen pe bheja jaata h
_______________________________________________________
Galib ne begum ka Gila whisper dekha to arz kia...ghaagre ke niche se paani laal aata h...wah wah...kya meri begum ka bhonsda bhi paan khaata h... :-P
_______________________________________________________
Boy - mujhe pyar karti ho toh kal colg white dress pehan ke aana...
Girl black pehan ke aayi...
Boy - tu jab jhuki toh Maine dekh lia ki tu mujhe andar se pyar karti h
_______________________________________________________

Heights of tv ad - ladki cheekh rahi thi aur villian paaglon ki tarah uske dress ke button kholne ki koshish kar raha tha, bt fer bhi button nai khul rahe they
Background voice aati h - gopal button wale...appki maa behan ki izzat ke rakhwale
_______________________________________________________

Shohar 1st night pe biwi se - tumne kabhi koi gandi movie dekhi h?
Biwi - haan
Shohar - bas humne phir waise hi karna h
Biwi - toh baaki 2 ladkon ko tum bulaaoge ya main call karun?
_______________________________________________________3 ladkian class mein baat kar rahi thi -
Sanam : Maine sir ki table mein condom dekha tha
Salma - maine usmein ched kar dia tha
Shazia - marwaa dia kutti saali
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ek call girl ladke ke upar baithke sex kar rahi thi
Ladka - ek din mein kitna kamaa leti ho?
Ladki - 5000
Ladka - sach bataao
Ladki - rozi pe baithi hun...jooth nai bolungi
_______________________________________________________Guptaji toh shopkeeper - koi aisi scheme nikaalo ki 500RS ki shopping pe sex free
Shopkeeper - lo AAP ko pata hi nai, yeh scheme toh last month thi aur bhabhiji ne iska 8 baar labh uthaaya
______________________________________________________
Baba sexidas ek din gareeb logon ke upar apne vichaar prakat kar rahe they - gareeb aadmi ki bhi kya zindagi hoti h...pant kharidta h toh joote fatt jaate..joote kharidta h toh shirt fat jaati h...sab kuch ek saath kharidta h toh gaand fat jaati h..
______________________________________________________
Sindhi suhagraat mein dheere dheere wife ki panty utar raha tha..
Wife - ae ji kya dekh rahe ho?
Sindhi - kapda acha h...90 rs meter ka toh hoga?
_______________________________________________________
Grandson - dadaji aapke daant h par dadiji ke kyun nai?
Dada - beta Maine doodh bahut peeya h aur Teri Dadi ne ganna bahut choosa hai
_____________________________________________________________________________
Sex karne ke baad husband bola - darling..balance khatam ho gaya...
Itne mein padosi ka bachha apni chaddi utar ke bola - aunty Vodafone ka chota recharge chalega?

Ghoda

Gandhi k paas ek 12 inch ka chota sa pyara sa ghoda (horse) tha.

Nehru: Ye ghoda kaha se mila?

Gandhi: Ek baba hai usne diya. Jo maango woh deta hai.

Nehru: Mai bhi baba k paas jata hu.

Gandhi: Jao pr khyal rahe baba 1 hi muraad puri karta hai aur ooncha sunta hai.

Nehru baba k paas jaake 1 bori heera mange.

Bori jab kholi nehru chillaya: Behenchod baba ne 1 bori jeera de diye.

Gandhi: Chutiye toone kya socha ki maine 12 inch ka ghoda maanga tha ?
😂😂😂

break Up

Super insult after brEak uP:

Girl: "Dont talk, U asshole..! I wear Heels Longer than ur Dick..."

Boy: "Shut Up Bitch.👍 Ur Pussy has been used more than Google!" =

Many Jokes

BOY-I Love u my jaan,cum in my life & stay in my heart...

GIRL-sandal nikalu kya.

BOY-Hat pagli mera dil koi MANDIR thodi hain, Bindaas pehan kar aaja......;)👡👠👢😜
Lund pe aitbaar kisko hai...

Mil jaaye chodney ko, to inkar kis ko hai...

Kuch mushkilen hai choot paane mei dost,

Warna muth marne se pyaar kisko hai...
🙆



Tufaano mei chhatri nahi kholi jaati

Bra se pehle panty nahi kholi jaati

Viagra khana shuru kar pyaare

Kyunki zubaan aur Ungli se ladki nahi chodi jaati!!
🙆



Shayar surma bhopali-

Arz hai..

Us ne honton Se chuu kar lowde pe Nasha kar diya!.

Lund ki baat to aur thi Yaron us Ne to jhaton ko bhi khada kar diya.
🙆



💗🙆
Unki gali se guzre,to chaubara nazar aaya,

unki gali se guzre,to chaubara nazar aaya,

uski Maa bahar aa k boli-
gand faad dungi bhosdi k jo dobara nazar aya..
🙆



Aaj Uska Dil Phir 'DUKHA' Diya Humne,

Apne Pyar Ka Karz 'CHUKA' Diya Humne.

De kar Lalach Use 'ICE-CREAM' Ka,

Andhere Me Apna "LUND" chusa Diya Humne...
🙆



Kutumminar ko dekhker sardar ka dimag dauda.
Kutumminar ko dekhker sardar ka dimag dauda
.
.
aasmaan ko chodne chala dhrti ka loda...
🙆🙆🙆



Dena Hai Lund Daan Me,

Dena Hai lund Daan Me,

"AE Dost" Hai Koi CHOOT Dhyaan Mei?

Agar nahi hai to yeh Gum ka Ghoot Bhi pee lenge

teri gaand mar k hi jee lenge
🙆




Dilbar k hamne pyar se jo bobe daba diye.

zara gour farmaiye.

dilbar k hamne pyar se jo bobe daba diye.

Bhen ki lodi ne laat mar ke humare GOTE suja diye.
🙆🙆



SHHAM DIYO SE SAJAYE BAITHE HAI,

KHUSHBU SASO ME BASAYE BAITHE HAI,

UNKI DIWANGI TO DEKHO,

GIRL FRIEND RAAT KO ANE WALI HAI,

AUR WO DOPAHAR SE HI CONDOM LAGAYE BAITHE Hai.
🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆




Gaalib Ne Arz Kiya:

Naadan Hain Woh Log Jo
Kehte Hai Ki
Choot Per Baal Hai..

Naadan Hain Woh Log Jo
Kehte Hai Ki
Choot Per Baal Hai..

Arey..
Yeh Toh Laude Ko Fasane Ke Liye Bichhaya Huwa Jaal Hain..!
🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆

HR

A Funny Case Of Kiss And A Slap - must read it

A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...

The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark...

Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!
The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel...

The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed...

The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...

The Old Woman Is Thinking :
These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...

The Young Girl Is Thinking :
The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped...

The Manager Is Thinking :
Damn It... My Assistant Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It Was Me And Slapped Me...

Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...

.

.

Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking...

If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again...
The Bastard Keeps Harassing Me In The Office...!!😃X_X =D 😂😂😂

Aashquie

For all fuckd up aashiqss.......Arz kiya hai: Jis din un se dil laga bethe, Tanhai me sukun ki maa chuda bethe, Wo to so gyi bhenchod kisi or k bistarpe or hum apni hi jhato me aag laga bethe ! Pyar karna hai to nirma powder waali se karo.. Pyar karna hai to nirma powder waali se karo.. Kyu ki wo kehti hai Pehle istemal karo phir vishwash karo ! True luv is when a Boy asks d girl 4 a kiss & Girl simply closes her eyes & allows d boy to kiss on her lips, But d boy kisses on d forehead & says I hv a whole life 2 Do dat.. Bhai log, Yeh sab Chutiyapa hai. Jidhar bhi mauka mile mission poora kardena. Just remember 'The 1 who hesitates..... Later masturbates'.....issued in public interest😃
Kisi buzurg MaDaRcHoD ne sahi kaha hai Ladki ko Lavde pe bithao to tumse dil laga legi Aur agar Ladki ko dil me bithao to woh tumhare Lavde laga degi..😂
Waqt kehta hai mujhe gawa mat, Dil kehta hai mujhe laga mat, Pyar kehta hai mujhe aazma mat, Aur aaj-kal ki girlfriend kehti hai, Daal Chutiye ghabra mat🙈🙉🙊

Rajnikant

Ram aur Raavan Bada serious yudh kar rahe the.
Tabhi Raavan ne Ram ke peechay kisi ko khada dekha.
Raavan: chal yar bye.
Ram: kya hua?
Raavan : Nahi yaar bas bye, Le sita ko Leja .
Ram: Arre hua kya, Ruk to sahi .
Ravan: Nahi yaar achha I am sorry o.k. Ram: Dost nahi hai...Bata to sahi hua kya???
Ravan: Kuch nahi bhai baat hi khatam, no tension+no fikar, maje-maje.
Ram: Nahi pehle bata pleeeeeeez,tuje -meri kasam, kya hua???
Ravaan: Bas rehne de yaar, itni si baat pe tune Rajnikanth ko bula liya......!