Balls

Once a man in a hurry used the ladies toilet in a hotel...

He sat down and noticed 4 buttons
- WW, WA, PP and APR.

Curious!
He pressed WW and his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER.
He loved it so much!

He then pressed WA and a blast of WARM AIR dried him up.
Still loving it...

He pressed PP and a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh.
Feeling pampered...

He decided to press the last button APR...

He later woke up in da hospital.

A Nurse smiled and said,
"Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER.
So when the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for balls.
Your balls are in this jar."

MORAL:
CURIOUSITY kills

Sunny Leone

sunny leon ki clip

��

Quote

Quote Of the day : Life will give you Sonam Kapoor only. To convert her into Ayesha Takia is your responsibility !!" 

wah wah

Gaur farmaaiye 

Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?

kisine  kaha-"Aap shayari to shuru kijiye,
itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge". ��

Wife

2 friends meeting after many years in a conversation:

Raj: How is your girlfriend ?

Ajay : She is not my girlfriend anymore...

Raj: Good....sahi kiya.... Maa ki lavdi Randi thi ...hum Sab ne chodda tha saali ko...

Ajay : Madarchod She is my wife nw...
Raj: *silent....��

Many

Wife: Tumne shadi se pehle kyon nahin bataya ke tumhari Rani naam ki ek wife pehle se he hai?

Husband: Maine bataya to tha ki tumhe Rani ki tarah rakhoonga...

wife shocks...Husband Rocks

Judge  to  Prostitute  : "So when did you realize you were raped?''

Prostitute : "When the cheque bounced...

What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?"
.
..
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:
Punch Of D Day ....


Once A Man Asked God: "Why All Girls Are So Cute & Sweet, And All Wifes Are Always Angry
God Answered: Girls Are Made By Me ... And you make them Wife's..!!!
Your Problem ... !!! 

An HR guy got married ...

On the first night of their honeymoon,
seeing her nude,
he says furiously :
"Tumne dhoka kiya !!
You have cheated me” !

The astounded but smart bride asks :
Kaise ?
How have I cheated you ?

The HR shouts :
Your Boobs are so small….

I definitely remember noticed their size when
I met you at the engagement ...
they appeared to be much bigger ...

The hitech bride replies,
"Honey,
what you saw and agreed upon was the
CTC Package .... & this is what you get in hand..!!

Boobs

Boobs have so much Importance in love &  love stories in India.
The male lover is called
MehBoob
&
the female lover is called...
MEHB( . ) ( . )BAA.


Karsan Kaka

When Karsan kaka was 97, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah: "Mr. Karsan, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age I think that's remarkable."

Karsan kaka: "I just take good care of myself and enjoy whatever I do."
...
Oprah: "I understand you still do the 'sex' thing, even at your age."

Karsan kaka: "Of course, I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it."

Oprah: "I have never slept with a grand old Gujarati fellow. Would you like to do it with me?"

So they had some wild sex. When they finished, Oprah said, "I just don't believe it. I have never been so satisfied. You are a remarkable man!"

Karsan kaka: "The second time is even better."

Oprah: "Can you really do it again at your age?"

Karsan kaka: "Just let me sleep for half an hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

When she woke him up, they had great sex again, and this time Oprah was overjoyed.

She said, "Karsan darling, I am astounded that at your age, you could do a repeat performance, even better than the first one. Oh my, Oh my!"

Karsan kaka told her that the third time would be fantastic. "You just hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

Oprah asked, "Does my holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?"

Karsan kaka replied, "No, . but the last time I had sex
with a black woman, she stole my wallet!"

Mindblowing.......Guju's care for money!

2 Jokes

A cop stops a drunk sardar and says 'how high are you?'

Sardar replies. 'That is wrong english. You should say- Hi how are you


Ek ladki dupatta mooh pe lapete hue Scooty se ja rahi thi. Baju se ek aadmi bike se jaate hue bola, "Jaaneman, zara mukhda to dikhati jao"

Ladki: "Papa, main hoon! Pinky..." :

Many Shayari

Killer shayaris.......

Using ur brain is strictly & very strictly prohibited..

1) Na jaan Na pehchaan,
Tu mera mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman ��..

2) Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, Rubber de Rubber��..

3) Teri adao pe mein waari waari,
Dial 139 for railway ���� enquiry..

4) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf,
The number you are trying is currently switched off ..

5) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo,
Naya godrej powder hair dye,
Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo..

6) Yuh khamosh reh kar tadpogi kabtak,
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK ..

7) Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh Babu...

8) Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
LIFEBUOY hai jahan Tandurusti hai wahan...

9) Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
BASANTI in kutton ke samne mat nachna ....

10) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!

11) Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Asali Masale Sach Sach
MDH.....MDH ...!!

12) 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke ko gaal pe kiss,
1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke ko gaal pe kiss,
Mutual funds are subjected to market risks..

13) Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Didi Tera Devar Deewana..

14) Naach Bulbul Naach, tujhe paisa milega
Hum CID se hai, Koi apne jagah se nahi hilega...!!
��������

Many

Virginity is like a Balloon, One prick and it's gone for ever!

Sex is like a pack of Chips, Once you start!
You can't stop!

An Exam paper is like a Dick , When it's hard! People get fucked!

Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hardwork ...!

Success is like masturbating, Only your own hand can let you achieve it!

Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples. IT'S POINTLESS !

 Fuck a woman and she Loves you. Love a woman when she Fucks you.

MBBS Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a woman faints, we must first check her pu_s_. Only few students who wrote: 'Pulse' passed.

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to Hang Till Death!

Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREASTS?
Girl: It Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up

Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence. A Pregnant Prostitute

If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, Then Frustration is the Father of Masturbation! 

If your Boss says: Nothing is Impossible ask him to wear condom after sex!

So basically life is PORNOGRAPHY

Auto Mails

Best Out of Office Automatic e-mail Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.��

2. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.��

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.��

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over
and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. ��

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
 
9. I've run away to join a different circus. ��

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susan' instead of Steven 

Virgin Test

Man 1:  I am getting married. How would I
know if my wife is a virgin?

Man 2: Get an "Irish Virginity Test" Kit.

Man 1: What's that?

Man 2: It contains a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint and a Hammer.

Man 1: That sounds crazy! How can virginity be tested with that?

Man 2: Paint your right ball Red and left ball Blue... and as you remove your underwear, if your wife says, 'that's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen, hit her on her head with the hammer !!!!!

Many

We know
They r fine but
We call & ask
Abhe Kaisa Hai?

We know
This can't happen but
We say
Bhul gaya na Muje?

We know
They can't go
Without us but
We say
Mere liye rukna

We know
They will share
Everything
With us but
We say
Muje nahi
Batayega?

We know
They r with us in
Every Problem but
We ask
Mera Sath
Dega na?

We know
It's impossible to
Survive
Without them but
We say
Muje Tujse
Bat nahi karni

Friends r
Best Part of
Life
Dedicated to
my Friends.
Send to all ur best friends...
Ek Ladka GUTTER Me Gir Gaya..
Tabi 1 Ladki Ki Awaaz Aayi.
SURF EXCEL HE NA "DAAG ACHE HE"
Boy:-Teri Maa ki Chut
DAAG ITNE HI ACHE HE TO NICHE
Whisper Q Lagati He.
—-------------------------
BHAKT-'Baba Chut or Chutiye me kya antar hai?
BABA-'Jo aadmi ko pagal kar de use chut kehte hai,
Aur Jo chut ke piche pagal ho jaye use Chutiye.
*****

2 Nangi ladkiyo ne bank loot liya.
Bahar aake 1 boli:Chal ab kapde pehan le, koi pehchan nahi payega..
Qki kisi bhi kamine ne shakal to dekhi nahi hogi..
*****

A Journalist to Osho:
Do U know wat all men & women r Doing in your Ashram?
Osho:Mere ko kya?
Journalist:lekin ye to Apka Ashram Hai.
Osho:Fir bhosdike tere ko kya!

*****

Lady- Doctor, mere pati ka nasbandi kardo..
Dr.- kyun.?
Lady- kya karu, Mujhe 5 wa mahina chal raha hai,
Ghar me meri behen ka choutha mahina,
Kamwali ka teesra mahina.
Hamari bhais ka doosra, Kal hamari kutiya ne bhi ulti ki,
Dr- Tumara pati kaha hai.?
Lady- Woh dekho, Hass Hass Ke SMS padh raha hai.!
*****

Girl to Swami- Mujhe Bhavishya dekhna sikhao?
Swami- Kapde utaro aur Ghodi ban jao.
Girl- Tum mujhe chodne wale ho?
Swami- Dekha, Dikhne laga na bhavishya.
*****

Adhyatmic Sex:
SUKH or SANTOSH ke bich me kya faraq hai?
"Jivan me apni pasand se thokne ko mile,
to wo hai SUKH..
Or
Jo mile.. Use thokna pade
Wo hai SANTOSH.
*****

Police:Tumne apne BF ko Q mara?
Girl:Haramkhor ne bed pe giraya, Bra utari, phir underware utari, phir tang uthai, CONDOM pehna Or fir harami bola APRIL FOOL.
*****

Pareshan biwi, ek raat uthkar JAN GAN MAN gane lagi.
Pati- Ye kya kar rahi ho?
Biwi- Ek aakhri koshish kar rahi hoon, iss par to pura Bharat khada ho jata hai.!

*****

Jinke ankhon me asoo aur hoto pe hasi hogi,
Jinke ankhon me asoo aur hoto pe hasi hogi,

Wah wah

to samajh lena uski GOTI Zip me fasi hogi..
*****

Salesman:Sir, main us retailer ke paas nahi jaunga, 15-20 baar gaya par maal nahi leta.
Boss:Q be, agar BV bacha nahi degi to kya chodna chhod dega?������������
Call girl ke birthday par saheli ne sms kiya:
har adami tere nange badan pe barse,
tere jevan mein aaye itne customer,
ke tu pura sal bra-panty pehnne ko tarse.
 Nazar jub tum se milti hai main
khud ko bhool jata hoon,
 Bas ek dharkan dharakti hai,
main khud ko bhool jata hon,
 Tumhain milne se pehle main
bohut sajta sanwarta hon,
Magar jub tum sanwarti ho main
khud ko bhool jata hon,
 Main aksar kitabon pe tera hi
naam likhta hon,
 Magar kuch tum jo likhti ho main
khud ko bhool jata hon,
 Main aksar yehi kehta hon, main
tum say pyar karta hon,
 Magar jub tum yeh kehti ho
main duniya bhool jata hu...

2 Jokes

ABCD TO SABHI KO AATI HOGI.. AGGAR AATI BHI HOGI TOH AISI SHAYAD HI AATI HOGI 
A- Antiquity 
B- Black Label 
C- Chivas Regal 
D- Directors Special 
E- Eight PM 
F- Fuel/Fosters 
G-Green Label 
H- Haywards 
I- Imperial Blue 
J-Johny Walker 
K-Kingfisher 
L- Löndon Pilsner 
M- McDowell No 1 
N- Napolean Rum 
O- Old Monk. 
P- Peter Scott 
R- Royal Stag 
S- Signature 
T- Tequilla 
U- Urrack 
V- Vat 69 
W- White Mischief 
X- XXX Rum 
Y- Yankey 
Z- Zingaro 

Cheers n Enjoy  
2 girls chatting..
1st: Kal raat main apne boyfriend k sath Date pe gai thi. Kal
bohot hi Suhani Raat thi.
2nd: really? Wow. Kya hua waha?..
1st: Wo mujhe apne apartment me Le gaya. Usne mujhe pyar se
kiss kia aur halke Nazuk haatho se mere red top ka pehla button
khola Jo Maine Pantaloons se  kharida tha.
2nd: Wow tune naya Top kharida?..
1st: Haan... waha sale lagi hai, Maine to jeans bi kharidi.
2nd: Kya waha abi bi Sale lagi hai?..
1st: Haa...Chal Shopping ke liye chalte hain phir....
                                    Kitne expectation se story padh rahe the.Ladies hai
bhai....hamesha topic change hota rehta hai....


Management Lessons

Management lesson

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own.

Now take a new look at the same story.
The washer man was like a typical top management corporate guy. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a research approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and the donkey became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well.
In the Appraisal the dog managed an "8". The donkey was rated as "9". Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a switch....

Moral of the story-Remains the same- "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional..!!